So my dad told me something was up with the potatoes in the pantry. I went to look, and they were leaking a blackish brown liquid. It smelled heinous. (This article came up during a Google search. Sounds like a fucked up fairy tale.)
I pulled a trash bag from under the sink and realized my hands were wet. Turns out, there's a leak under the sink. Everything else might as well start leaking, too.