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  1. #60921
    Sweet Summer Child yama's Avatar
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    I did it. I did my homework. So many homeworks. Lots of them,
    8 weeks on T
    previously known as 21lux and Yamato Nadeshiko
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  2. #60922
    Dream without Hesitation Enthusiastic_Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    If you can manage to get her to do this, you will be providing a valuable service, and making a major contribution to the relationship. This is something most of us sorely need, and somewhere deep down know we need, even if we don't quite realize it. This can make it tricky. For it to work, you have to understand her well enough to know what sorts of things will appeal to her: what she will enjoy, or find fun and interesting. Things that will push the envelope, but not too far.

    My SIL can do this for me. She invited me, for example, to go with her to the midnight first sale of the 7th Harry Potter book at her local bookstore. One of these deals where half the clientele come dressed up as some character, the store had a scavenger hunt, prizes, refreshments, etc. Customers stood in line chatting (chatting, I tell you - with strangers!) while waiting for their pre-ordered copies. This is ordinarily NOT AT ALL the sort of thing I would attend. But my SIL knows I enjoyed the books - they spawned some of our more deep and satisfying discussions. She also knows my limits: no costume, and she can chat up the strangers while I just watch. She was able and willing to answer all my questions ahead of time (no surprises or tricking me into it). So I went, and we both had a good time.

    So, lessons from this? Choose your "spontaneous" activity with care. Make sure it both ties into something you know she enjoys, but also includes a significant element that is new. If there are things you especially enjoy and want to share with her, point out to her something about it that will pique her curiosity. Research it well enough that you can answer her questions: where, when, how long, activities, attendance, attire, etc. She might surprise you and trust you enough to go along without asking questions like these. If so, all the better. For myself I find it does help to know a bit about the activity in advance. I think of this as meeting me halfway. As I told my SIL: I'll try your crazy stuff if you can give me some advance warning of what to expect.

    Last but not least, if she puts up more than token resistance, don't push it. Try again later, and if you have more than a couple failures, just bring up the topic at a later time, and let her know why you would like to do more of these things with her.

    Good luck, and feel free to ask more questions, here or by PM.
    Thanks a lot Cor! You've really provided some great incite. It's nice to know there IS something I can actually bring to the table. I think my lack of depth in any one field can leave me feeling intimidated by those with more singular interests. But I will remember what you said, about my value in bringing a more casual, fun side to the relationship.

    Usually I'd consider myself great at reading people, but it's been more difficult with her since she is more reserved and quiet than other girls I've hung around, but there have definitely been times where both of us were laughing so hard, tears almost came out, and those are the times I enjoyed so much with her. I just need to figure out how to bring those moments around more often

    And I appreciate the offer to ask more questions. I may just take you up on that if more come to mind!
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

  3. #60923
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enthusiastic_Dreamer View Post
    Thanks a lot Cor! You've really provided some great incite. It's nice to know there IS something I can actually bring to the table. I think my lack of depth in any one field can leave me feeling intimidated by those with more singular interests. But I will remember what you said, about my value in bringing a more casual, fun side to the relationship.

    Usually I'd consider myself great at reading people, but it's been more difficult with her since she is more reserved and quiet than other girls I've hung around, but there have definitely been times where both of us were laughing so hard, tears almost came out, and those are the times I enjoyed so much with her. I just need to figure out how to bring those moments around more often
    It is more than the highlighted. You have the potential to help her broaden her horizons in ways she would take forever to do, if at all, on her own. Ni feeds on everything that Se vacuums up, so you never know where some of these things might lead. As for those moments of unbridled laughter, for this you need to tap into her sense of humor. It may be quite off the wall, but you can feed that as well. INTJs often find weird and unexpected humor in mundane, everyday events just because we can see them in such . . . alternative ways.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #60924
    Beginning to Blossom Forever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Is that how robots talk? Sounds suspiciously like the people I know.
    Who do you know?
    obviously you're going to get nothing from reading this

  5. #60925
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    I think this election is still unpredictable. While Super Tuesday carried delagate-rich states, most were in the deep South, and most of the white people voted for Trump and most of the black people voted for Hillary. The Deep South is practically a foreign country, and the rest of the US isn't going to look this blatantly retarded.

    The Republicans vigil for Never Trump, and Bernie taking four states isn't something to be sneezed at.
    Likes SearchingforPeace liked this post

  6. #60926
    Sweet Summer Child yama's Avatar
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    Wow this forum is Great. I have a senpai ( @EJCC ), a kohai ( @themightyfetus ), an onii-chan ( @Anaximander ), an ESTJ boyfriend ( @Ghost ), and even my own flesh and blood son ( @Captain_Invincible ). I wonder what other great adventures are waiting for me
    8 weeks on T
    previously known as 21lux and Yamato Nadeshiko

  7. #60927
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    "The Donald"... Oh Lord, talk about hyping up something above what it is because you support it. I keep reading these political stuff and it reminds me why I don't do politics. Nothing but sales men...annoying as hell.
    Im out, its been fun
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  8. #60928
    Google "chemtrails" Bush Did 9/11's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21lux View Post
    Wow this forum is Great. I have a senpai ( @EJCC ), a kohai ( @themightyfetus ), an onii-chan ( @Anaximander ), an ESTJ boyfriend ( @Ghost ), and even my own flesh and blood son ( @Captain_Invincible ). I wonder what other great adventures are waiting for me
    Would you like a seme?
    J. Scott Crothers
    aka "Bush Did 9/11"
    Founder, Truthtology, est. 1952
    Prophet and Channel, God Almighty
    Author, the Holy scripture Elevenetics

    "Just as jet fuel cannot melt steel beams, so too cannot the unshakeable pillars of Truthtology ever be shaken, whether by man, nature, or evidence."
    - Elevenetics
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  9. #60929
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever View Post
    Who do you know?
    Lots of folks. Just what sort of answer were you expecting?
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  10. #60930
    Beginning to Blossom Forever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Lots of folks. Just what sort of answer were you expecting?
    Trust no one.

    Haha just kidding. Really, actually specific people that would have been comical.
    obviously you're going to get nothing from reading this

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