I feel like I just scare people all of the time. It's a tough problem really, a tough thing to think about.
Everything I write is so psycho. I can't go beyond these short sentances right now right here because it would hurt.
My early 20's felt like that, feeling as if people thought I was crazy scary. Maybe it is a little bit of an Fi problem. I think maybe Fi can be uncomfortable to be in during this period so INFP's try to operate in our other functions and being in other functions rather than our primary feels indefinite and one feels disconnected from the self and not connected to the world either.
But I'm jsut saying some crap. I don't know. Early 20's were rough.
I've been seeing this INTJ girl and she also just so happens to be in chemistry, got her doctorate recently and wants to get into lithium ion battery tech. Anyways, we seem to be meshing very well so far and each time we've met up it's been theoretical, abstract discussion and I absolutely love it! Totally satisfies my Ne "cravings" and thirst for big, unanswered life questions. But, sometimes I'd love to just be casual and enjoy life too, experience things, lose oneself. Typical "free-spirit" things. As a female INTJ in the sciences, how should I go about potentially bringing out the fun side of her and to just let loose? Or, is that appreciated? I'd hate to step over any boundaries with her too so I've been trying to feel her out and gauge the situation.
If you can manage to get her to do this, you will be providing a valuable service, and making a major contribution to the relationship. This is something most of us sorely need, and somewhere deep down know we need, even if we don't quite realize it. This can make it tricky. For it to work, you have to understand her well enough to know what sorts of things will appeal to her: what she will enjoy, or find fun and interesting. Things that will push the envelope, but not too far.
My SIL can do this for me. She invited me, for example, to go with her to the midnight first sale of the 7th Harry Potter book at her local bookstore. One of these deals where half the clientele come dressed up as some character, the store had a scavenger hunt, prizes, refreshments, etc. Customers stood in line chatting (chatting, I tell you - with strangers!) while waiting for their pre-ordered copies. This is ordinarily NOT AT ALL the sort of thing I would attend. But my SIL knows I enjoyed the books - they spawned some of our more deep and satisfying discussions. She also knows my limits: no costume, and she can chat up the strangers while I just watch. She was able and willing to answer all my questions ahead of time (no surprises or tricking me into it). So I went, and we both had a good time.
So, lessons from this? Choose your "spontaneous" activity with care. Make sure it both ties into something you know she enjoys, but also includes a significant element that is new. If there are things you especially enjoy and want to share with her, point out to her something about it that will pique her curiosity. Research it well enough that you can answer her questions: where, when, how long, activities, attendance, attire, etc. She might surprise you and trust you enough to go along without asking questions like these. If so, all the better. For myself I find it does help to know a bit about the activity in advance. I think of this as meeting me halfway. As I told my SIL: I'll try your crazy stuff if you can give me some advance warning of what to expect.
Last but not least, if she puts up more than token resistance, don't push it. Try again later, and if you have more than a couple failures, just bring up the topic at a later time, and let her know why you would like to do more of these things with her.
Good luck, and feel free to ask more questions, here or by PM.
In science, when human behavior enters the equation, things go nonlinear. That's why Physics is easy and Sociology is hard. -- Neil deGrasse Tyson