I can feel the darkness consume me, I wasn’t always this way. No, once a long time ago I was good. I was going to change the world, I cared for people. I still do care for people, that hasn’t changed that will never change. No matter how much I want it to. But instead of thinking the answer is to help people, I often feel the answer is to destroy. That true happiness or peace is not in this world but rather the next. I hate it, I hate that I know that truth. Because I don’t want to kill anyone, I want happiness and peace to exist in this world. But it can’t, only an allusion of happiness. Which for most is great they have not seen it for what it is. Or they have but can lie to themselves. I have seen it, yet I cannot lie to myself about it. And me, remembering this is what keeps me from going over the edge. The fact that people do believe that true happiness and peace exist in this world, and I’m happy for them I really am. But just because I’m happy for others does not mean I am actually happy. I feel my heart is crusted with a black rock and I can feel it trying to break that rock, but I know it won’t happen in this life. I don’t want to be evil, but I am. It sucks, sorry. I want to be good again, but at this point I doubt it is possible. Please please please, if you’re happy. Please never discover the truth. Don’t seek it. As tempting as it may be, trust me it is not worth it. The truth will corrupt you, it will make you into something you hate. I know people won’t listen to me, and will seek the truth and some will find it. Those will end up like me. Others will think they’ve found and they will be happy. If you do seek the truth I hope you end up like the second group. I realize 90% of you are going to disagree with me, and that is actually a good thing. In this instance anyways.