Thread: Random Thought Thread
12-19-2013, 02:49 PM #39731
12-19-2013, 02:58 PM #39732
When ENTPs become cops (first scene)...
12-19-2013, 03:01 PM #39733
12-19-2013, 03:02 PM #39734
- Join Date
- May 2007
- 5w6 sp/sx
12-19-2013, 03:13 PM #39735
I think I ruined one of my finals today. In fact, I think I ruined it so badly, I wrote an apology note to the teacher on the back of it. Yesterday I had another final and there I was asked to evaluate our course and I ended my evaluation with 'XOXO luvya'. I think my sleeping pills are fucking with my brain.Ewww is the new sexy
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12-19-2013, 03:29 PM #39736
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
Therapy is the big thing these days. Previously it was medication. Now, every time I see any mention of the word or anything similar, the torturous thoughts in my head perk up and start harassing me to waste more time with it, finding and forcing in bullshit reasons to say that I haven't actually tried it and that I need to give it a chance, and that I need to do what I'm told, and that I need to be open to what they say in order for it to work. And before that it was medication. And when I did finally try the medication it didn't work, but they didn't back off. They got even more intense about me taking the medication, and the only thing that happened is that they went from saying it may take days to work, to saying it may take weeks, to months, and now years. It's just constant bullshit that leads nowhere, and it's clear this entire system is rigged, and that there is no plan on having anything get better. This is a great big waste of my time, and all these people do are force me to talk, take medication, and whatever else they can come up with to keep me suffering through this bullshit while excusing themselves of everything. "It's not our fault, we're just trying to help."
But then again, the idiots inside my head perk up over anything. Anything. And they respond to it by dragging my attention away from the nothing I'm doing in the most painful way possible, then forcing my attention to the bullshit, then forcing me to address it, but without being able to think, then they start forcing thoughts into my head, but I have no cognitive ability of my own, and it's all about them forcing me to believe whatever bullshit they force in, while finding every bullshit excuse to say that the stupid shit they are saying is correct. And everywhere I go, and everything I look at and everything I do is another opportunity for them to twist shit to say that some garbage they were mumbling is actually true. "And see, there it is, I was right." But it's always garbage, and that's the point. Everything they say is bullshit. There's no truth to any of it. It's just constant garbage. And it seems they are stuck on painfully forcing me to believe all the stupid shit they say, then laughing about it, then saying I'm wrong for believing it, and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
It's just one endless flooding with bullshit, and it never ends. And therapy is going to help with this? Just sit there and accept it. This is worthless. Sit there and accept your pathetic life. The only thing that will help with this is making it go away, and then after that justice. Justice for me. And punishment for the shit that did this to me.
Everyday they do everything to amplify my reactions to simple things and to leave things on my mind that I normally wouldn't care about (like people frequently saying I need therapy, and that it will only help if I accept the help) because they are bullshit, and they are constantly trying to force me to respond, but in the most painful and slow way. And then I have to respond again, then again, then again, and while they do it, they do things to annoy me and to elevate my stress and anger level until everything is a loud angry outburst, because I'm a calm and collected person, and clearly this bothered some worthless shit who probably can't go five seconds without erupting in response to some imaginary bullshit. Everyday it's more stupidity, everyday it's another setup to get me to make a fool of myself so all these idiots can laugh, and everyday I get a little bit dumber. I can't even learn basic shit from online videos without being harassed and disturbed the entire time, and without being made to forget after finishing. Everything is slow, everything is painful, everything is pointless, and this is my life now.
I don't even want to write this shit, but everyday I'm harassed, and everyday they force the stupid shit people say to "get to me" until I have no ability to resist, and I'm forced to repeat myself for the nth time, and during the entire process of writing this, they are harassing me, constantly toying with my desire to continue writing and to quit, wiping my thoughts mid sentence, changing the words I have on my mind, filling my mind with the next phrase to say, constantly badgering me, and getting in my way, while making this as miserable as possible.
I'm not paranoid about anything (but they keep saying I am), I'm not suicidal, I'm not wanting to kill anyone, but they aren't satisfied with that. Everyday they work to weaken my defenses to make me "ok" with doing some shit like that while saying "it's not that bad," and during my 3 times in the psych ward, all the people there did was help this weakening along. They just keep fueling the bullshit. And, through it all, I just don't care about this shit. The only thing I know is that someone did this to me (probably to get revenge, and/or to ruin my life) and they are getting away with it. That's my only "strange" belief. Everything else is a reflection of the torture/harassment and intrusive thoughts that I experience everyday. And everyday they try to find that one strange sounding belief (that someone did this to me), and they try to use that to justify forcing onto me all the shit that they do, and they try to use that to justify all their underhanded means for beating it out of me, and they try to use that to distract from the main issue of me suffering through all this harassment and to me needing to realize and come to the terms with the fact that no one did this to me. Anything to distract from the main point, and to prolong my suffering. These idiots don't know what they are doing, and have done nothing to help me, all they've done is give me the run around, and wasted my time. All they keep doing is repeating the same shit over and over again, insisting that I do it, even though it's not doing anything to help. Everyday it's the same bullshit.
It's been over 3 years. The 3 years that were supposed to be my peak, and the best years of my life. No change. Nothing better. No justice. And the shit that did this continues to thrive, at the expense of the real talent around them. And this is bullshit.
12-19-2013, 03:31 PM #39737
12-19-2013, 03:41 PM #39738
12-19-2013, 04:40 PM #39739
[QUOTE=JAVO;2202419]Plus just being a little blue person.
@JAVO, Being a little orange person is where it's at, you get to eat all the sweets you want without having to worry about your body, Oompa Loompas are the dominant species
12-19-2013, 04:51 PM #39740
Why do the SJ's read 1964 as it's a blueprint/instruction manual to heaven in earth