When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."