i think its abysmal we teach out girls "how not to get raped", rather than our sons "don't rape"
Originally Posted by senza tema
Yeah, because boys will be boys.
I agree it's an issue that guys never are really taught this stuff. I wasn't.
Do you think my advice has merit? I was trying to address that situation.
quoted with clarity edits:
Originally Posted by Bamboo
It can be as simple as asking the girl if she likes it, but how often do guys delude themselves into thinking the girl likes it?
Clearly a lot.
Being confident, direct, openly sexual, and even forceful has its place and is successful. But you can't just be blindly confident and certainly not blindly forceful. For a mutually enjoyable sexual encounter you have to have:
- a sense of security and safety - establish/demonstrate boundaries - is she comfortable with you? you with her? (no? then back up and fix that before even thinking of anything else)
- clear communication - establish rapport
- "enthusiastic consent" - not merely "going along with it", but is she really into it? if you're guessing, you're probably in risky territory. don't guess. ask if you need to. (i think it's easiest to screw this one up, especially with quieter types of people where their enthusiasm doesn't peak dramatically higher than baseline, so the less variability they display the more careful/sensitive you need to be)
- a sense that she's free to choose who or what she wants when she wants it (this one is fundamental, and I suppose I shouldn't assume people know this, so this should be at the top of the list)
...and then you can avoid a lot of problems and everyone will be better off for it.
The point is I'm trying to establish parameters that teach people what to do. I get the sense that some guys hear some of this stuff and think that they have to neuter themselves to not cross boundaries, but that's really not the case.
Yeah, I wondered if there was a connection between them deciding to settle down there and the resemblance in the vid. After all, the place I spent the most time in the country over there was in Worms, all filled with Gotts, Wagners, and Zimmermanns.
After learning what Elvis burgers are, and considering howuch weight the guy put on, it's a wonder they didn't start to call him 'Elvis the disappearing pelvis'. What is with people and peanut butter on burgers?
Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists
"I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?
She's definitely worse. She is physically assaulting his eardrums, the eardrums of everyone who watches the video, and most importantly, my eardrums.
He coulda got his shit done so they could spend time together though.
She needs to find friends to spend time with on the boat/lake. And next time she needs to brings her own car and be prepared next time with a pack of cigarettes. She also could to stop worrying about what people will say. Also she could to get a journal, then our eardrums wont hurt.
I feel bad for her though cause she wants something from him that he's never going to give, she can only get that from herself.
I feel bad for her cause I have been in a relationship where I would do everything to have time together, and the guy would be lazy all week and then plan stupid chore shit for our days off together. And I'd end up disappointed...judger vs. perceiver crap. However, I don't think I went as bat shit crazy though lol...nor do I smoke.
That's why getting a journal could help her deal with her emotions lol.
"Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"
Freedom isn't free.
"Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner