It's my sixth month in therapy, and I'm beginning to realize that I'm not nearly as passive and conflict avoidant as I'd thought, and that maybe these things are not traits of mine, so much as a function of low confidence and self-esteem. What does this mean for my Fe, which I'd been attributing my wanting to please, wanting to maintain group harmony, etc.--the things which I'm now realizing had more to do with my opinion of myself than anything else? I'm so tired of returning to a blank type drawing board after every little "epiphany." Bleh.
We were exchanging stories about the failure of people to abide by unspoken rules of pedestrian traffic movement and Gingko mentioned people plugging up escalators which I one-upped with people trying to get on to elevators without giving room for people to get off which was compared to an act of terror which was then made light of by allusions of digital wristwatches and Nintendo 64 game cartridge circuit boards being mistaken for improvised explosive devices and then drug dealing was playfully re-imagined as exchanging cookware ("dealing pot") which snowballed into Diet Coke being used to make light of the use of cocaine, Tang for ayahuasca, and finally Arizona brand canned tea for... oh, let's just pick a psychoactive drug and say peyote. It didn't really matter at that point which psychoactive drug it was meant to represent. Looking back it now dawns on me that Ginkgo, if I remember correctly, is from or lives in Arizona so he took the Arizona joke and ran with it and suggested to the audience that he was the one who gave me the Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey standing in for peyote.
I thought this was all patently obvious. Meanwhile I had to google 'SWIM'. I was going to ask but I thought like I'd feel like an idiot for asking what someone meant when they were asking what I meant. Know what I mean?