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Thread: Random Thought Thread

  1. #28051
    Senior Member Array Pinker85's Avatar
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    *deep sigh* everything ends, right? why does it hurt so bad, why do i feel like, i dont know. hurts. and a part of me just doesnt accept it and keeps thinking somehow it can work out, but it cant, what is done cant be undone. i dont know why i did it. so stupid. so stupid. man, just fuck. i messed up. i messed up so bad. there's no making it right. and i wanted it to end, but i didnt. i just never quite know how to have something really good. yet also feel relieved, but that cycles with the pain of losing their respect . . . not having them in my life anymore. theyll never trust me again. he said he needs a month, but i know its over, what i did was so fucked up and i lied to him. he could never forgive someone lying. i know him. but maybe theres like relief cause i was trying so hard to be perfect and it was really exhausting. i never felt good enough. but i know he thought i was the cat's meow. ive been crying so much and blowing my nose so much im getting bloody nose. i dont know. maybe i am actually just relieved. its a lot of pressure to try to be perfect.
    "My comrades and my beloved, upon your way you shall meet men with hoofs; give them your wings. And men with horns; give them wreaths of laurel. And men with claws; give them petals for fingers. And men with forked tongues; give them honey words." --Kahlil Gibran, The Garden of The Prophet

  2. #28052
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pinker85 View Post
    *deep sigh* everything ends, right? why does it hurt so bad, why do i feel like, i dont know. hurts. and a part of me just doesnt accept it and keeps thinking somehow it can work out, but it cant, what is done cant be undone. i dont know why i did it. so stupid. so stupid. man, just fuck. i messed up. i messed up so bad. there's no making it right. and i wanted it to end, but i didnt. i just never quite know how to have something really good. yet also feel relieved, but that cycles with the pain of losing their respect . . . not having them in my life anymore. theyll never trust me again. he said he needs a month, but i know its over, what i did was so fucked up and i lied to him. he could never forgive someone lying. i know him. but maybe theres like relief cause i was trying so hard to be perfect and it was really exhausting. i never felt good enough. but i know he thought i was the cat's meow. ive been crying so much and blowing my nose so much im getting bloody nose. i dont know. maybe i am actually just relieved. its a lot of pressure to try to be perfect.
    I've felt stuff like that in the past, very rarely but I can vividly recollect it at least once.

    This will mean nothing to you right now but with the passage of time it wont feel the same and it'll hurt less. You just got to believe that and wait.

  3. #28053
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    I'm listening to old songs, thinking about the positive changes I've seen even in the space of my own life time.

    Looked up some of the news stories from when I was in my teens and later too, man, there sure was a lot of random violence and killing which my immediate family were lucky enough to avoid during the real pitched battles of the later day troubles, and those were not the real bad troubles like the seventies or earlier.

    Also look around my room and see more books than I know what to do with and remember saving for weeks to buy a bargain one printed on poor paper which wasnt even a keeper. Things get better and I think there is a progressive direction sometimes.

  4. #28054
    lurking Array Rasofy's Avatar
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  5. #28055
    Anew Leaf
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    oh hai guyz... the full moon said to the world.

  6. #28056
    NPcomplete
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    oh hai guyz... the full moon said to the world.


    :panic:

  7. #28057
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Oh god. I'm getting sick again I think. Would explain my neediness today. / embarrassed

  8. #28058
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    I just realised that someone I thought was a serious poster for ages on another forum is really an alcoholic and drug addict, to think I took their posts serious and thought about them when the whole time they were some kind of burn out.

  9. #28059
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I just realised that someone I thought was a serious poster for ages on another forum is really an alcoholic and drug addict, to think I took their posts serious and thought about them when the whole time they were some kind of burn out.
    This made me remember the times all of my heroes fell. Or rather, I realised they had never risen, to have fallen.

    Jingoism belongs in the trash, so you had better keep it to yourself.

  10. #28060
    Vulnerability Array Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Human beings are insane. Me included.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

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