*deep sigh* everything ends, right? why does it hurt so bad, why do i feel like, i dont know. hurts. and a part of me just doesnt accept it and keeps thinking somehow it can work out, but it cant, what is done cant be undone. i dont know why i did it. so stupid. so stupid. man, just fuck. i messed up. i messed up so bad. there's no making it right. and i wanted it to end, but i didnt. i just never quite know how to have something really good. yet also feel relieved, but that cycles with the pain of losing their respect . . . not having them in my life anymore. theyll never trust me again. he said he needs a month, but i know its over, what i did was so fucked up and i lied to him. he could never forgive someone lying. i know him. but maybe theres like relief cause i was trying so hard to be perfect and it was really exhausting. i never felt good enough. but i know he thought i was the cat's meow. ive been crying so much and blowing my nose so much im getting bloody nose. i dont know. maybe i am actually just relieved. its a lot of pressure to try to be perfect.