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  1. #1
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Default Mom and I argue about the value of Football

    Well, I accidentally left my microphone recording after I was planning to record something else, and I thought this exchange was interesting, illustrative of the way conversations with my mom usually go. I edited out several minutes of silence, though.

    What type do you guess for my mother? What do you think about the dynamic between us?

    momfootball.mp3 - File Shared from Box.net - Free Online File Storage

  2. #2
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Kinda hard to hear. Sounds to me like your mom wants to get you interested in something "normal" and possibly also "masculine", whilst getting some bonding time with you as well. She's therefore trying to sell you on the complicatedness of football to get away from the whole "sport is stupid" view. Maybe she just wants to get you away from the computer. Reaching out to you, and sports on tv represents family time to her. Something you can share. I dunno.

    Type: XSFJ?

    Man, that was painful in an involuntary-empathy kind of way. Your mom's trying pretty hard. Or I'm projecting all over the place.

  3. #3
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Okay, here's the text of it. I transcribed it because I know it's hard to hear:

    Me: Hmm? Okay.

    Mom: Oh damn, that looks cool. I want to see it. Wanna go see Ninja Assassin?

    Me: Umm, I don't know anything about Ninja assassins. I haven't studied much about that part of the history of Japan.

    Mom (sadly): I need somebody to play with.

    Me (not hearing her): What?

    Mom (loudly): I need somebody to play with! You're no fun. (chuckles)

    Me: Okay.

    Mom: BO-RING.

    Me: Yes, I'm sure I am.

    Mom: Come on, live a little! Watch the sports with me, get into it.

    Me: *sigh*

    Mom: I can tell you what's going on... sort of.

    Me: It's just sports.

    Mom: Here's the kickoff. Let's see how far they can get with the ball, these guys are blocking -- oh look it.

    Me: Obviously they can get all the way across the field with the ball.

    Mom: They were holding hands like Red Rover.

    Me: I think they've already kicked it all the way across the field before.

    Mom (whining): It's more complicated than just kicking the ball across the field. Pizza!

    Me (going into kitchen after 10 minutes): Is it THAT complicated? (in reference to cutting pizza into slices and serving them)

    Mom (sarcastically): That I have to rinse off the pizza cutter when I'm done using it? Yeah, that's complicated!

    Me: I was just wondering if you could figure out what you were doing.

    Me (taking my serving of pizza while standing in the kitchen): Okay, thanks.

    Mom (after trying to pick up a slice of pizza): Hot!

    Me: It's pizza.

    Mom (not hearing me): Hmm?

    Me: It's pizza. (implication: It's pizza, from the oven. Ovens make food hot to cook it. What did you expect?)

    Mom: Mmm! Sacked the quarterback. Throw the ball.

    Me: What?

    Mom: I don't know. Oh, shit! He intercepted it? Oh no, he's out. He was out. Watch, he's in the air. I can't see it. No, it was out. He didn't have possession of the ball until he was outside the bounds. See, you can't see his foot there, going out right... he was already out, out, out. Can't see it. He was out. Out of bounds. Yeah, he was out of bounds. No.

    Me: All this fuss over feet and a ball.

    Mom: He didn't have it until he was way out of bounds.

    Me: No, no it was even funnier than that. All this fuss over boundaries, feet, and a ball.

    Mom: He doesn't have possession, he's way out of bounds.

    Me (giving up on communicating through my mom's fixation): I -- okay, I guess so. All right.

    Mom: Thank you. I'm a football official, also!

    Me: You should have been?

    Mom: Ah, I was talking to Jerry at work today, I told her I should have been a film director, a movie critic, a production coach -- casting director, also. The people they put in movies today, they have no chemistry. They're totally unbelievable in their roles. I should be a casting director.

    Me: Uh-huh?

    Mom: Mh-hmm! I should write, produce, direct, critic, and tell people what to do, and I would be fine. But -- NOBODY LISTENS TO ME, that's the problem.

    Me: Mm-hmm.

    Mom: Julio! And it's good.

    Me: Why are they throwing it at the big Y? I've never gotten that.

    Mom: That's called a field goal. If you make a touchdown, you get to kick -- try to kick a field goal for an extra point.

    Me: Ehm... can you say that in Eng--

    Mom: It's a bonus. You get a shot at a bonus point. If you make a touchdown, then you get to try and kick a field goal.

    Me: Could you say that in ENGLISH?

    Mom (slowly): If you run your little ball to the end you're supposed to get it to, and you get it there, you can score points. And then, you get a chance for a bonus point by trying to kick it through the big Y. You know, kick the ball through the big Y?

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Mom: It's called "kicking the extra point." Sometimes they get it through the big Y, and sometimes they don't. If they get it through the big Y, they get an extra point.

    Me: Okay. But why do they make it shaped like a big Y, is my question.

    Mom: They're goalposts.

    Me: But why is it shaped like a giant Y instead of, like, I don't know, an H or an A or something like that?

    Mom: I guess Y is the easiest one to get it through?

    Me: Okay. Hmm.

    Mom: It would be a little bit harder to try and kick it through a big... B. That would be confusing, too. Gotta get it through the top, or the bottom?

    Me: They could just accept either.

    Mom: Oh, shoot. Be quiet.

    Me: I would mess that game up completely, wouldn't I?

    Mom: Yes, you would. Ooh, guy's backed up. Three guys on him.

    Me: Why do they keep stopping and starting, stopping, and starting? I never get that.

    Mom: The balls not in play right now. The guy who got the ball, they knocked him down.

    Me: Well, it seems like if they just started it off with something --

    Mom: The clock's still running, LSU is out of timeouts.

    Me: Mm-hmm.

    Mom: Eh, they sacked the Kep quarterback. If you knock the quarterback down before he throws the ball, that's called a sack.

    Me: I'm sure it is.

    Mom: See, watch. The quarterback's got the ball, the guy in the back there? He's about to throw it, and then he tries to run, but they knock him down.

    Me: Well, lots of people get knocked down in the game.

    Mom: Quarterback's not supposed to get sacked, they're supposed to have their defensive linemen protecting them. So it's kind of sucky when the quarterback gets sacked. 'Cause the quarterback's like the MVP guy, he's the one that's got to direct where the ball goes, and who gets the ball, and call the plays.

    Me: Why don't they just tell the other team not to knock him down? (thinking back to European rules of engagement which prohibited the
    targeting of officers during an engagement for similar reasons)

    Mom: Because they want to knock him down. It's a big thing for the defense to knock down the quarterback. But it's a bad thing when the quarterback gets hurt because he's the brains of the operation.

    Me: I thought that was the coach.

    Mom: On the field, the quarterback makes the plays. The coach may tell the quarterback what plays to make, but the quarterback's got to execute them. The quarterback directs where the ball goes.

    Me: Eh, I'm glad... (that I don't have to understand this) Okay. Yeah, I'm sure you've got all this stuff figured out.

    Mom: It's not a free-for-all, they're actually thinking. Trying to make -- plan it out, and strategize. And they change up their strategy... in a second. I mean, actually, It's kind of complicated, if you want to know the truth about it. And there are so many rules and regulations that make it ten times more complicated.

    Me: Yeah, but they're all kind of arbitrary.

    Mom: No, they're not arbitrary, they're actually -- if it was arbitrary, nobody would ever score a point. But points are being scored, therefore it must not be arbitrary, correct?

    Me: I don't follow that logic.

    Mom: Grr! Grr! Grr! Grr! Mmph. Hopeless. Completely. Didn't your Dad watch football, didn't he ever try to explain it to you?

    Me: Umm... he only watched it on Super Bowl Sunday. Mostly to impress his friends.

    Mom: *sigh*

    Me: He was more focused on the party than the... game.

    Mom: Apparently he never sat you down and tried to explain it to you.

    Me: I don't think he really cared about the football so much as the popular culture around the football. I kind of understand that, because I mean, people make a big deal out of it, I can see why you'd want to... be able to... impress your friends. (chuckles weakly)

    Mom: Oh! Damn! IN-TER-CEPT-ION! No points for you!

    Me: Hehe. Yeah. (chuckling at Soup Nazi reference).

    Mom: Watch. See, the little yellow guy touched the guy in the red shirt. Bad old deal!

    Me: You do realize similar things have happened before, right?

    Mom: Yeah. He not supposed to do that.

    Me: *coughs*

    Mom: Now they're just running the clock down. It's over.

    Me: So they're not playing anymore?

    Mom: They're... fake playing. See, they started the clock -- they're just running the clock down so they can -- they, they're done. They gotta stay on the field till the time runs out. But, LSU has no more timeouts, and Alabama's got the ball. They can do whatever they want, they control the clock. See how the clock's ticking down? 59, 58, 57...

    Me: I can count.

    Mom: Hang out with me kid, I'll teach you a little football. That way you can impress your Dad on Super Bowl Sunday.

    Me: Umm... okay.

    Mom: That way you won't have to GIGGLE everytime somebody yells touchdown. When I say interception, it's not intercourse. Right?

    Me: Okay.

  4. #4
    AKA Nunki Polaris's Avatar
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    I enjoyed that immensely--people should record their conversations more often, and maybe we could even get a thread started for it.

    I think your mother is an ESTJ or possibly a feeler.

    The dynamic between you two fascinates me. It's a struggle for power; you're trying to maintain your purity and independence, and she's trying to turn you into the type of person you least want to be. I wonder what the history behind that dynamic is. How did you get there, and what does it mean? (I'm not asking you to explain; it's just something that occurs to me.)

    I also notice some love, or maybe just affection there, on both sides. On your side it seems to be rather reluctant, perhaps not even conscious, and on hers, it's an almost fatherly toughness. In both cases, these traces of affection present themselves through plays for power. In your case, these plays for power are to make light of your mother and her interests. Yet there is also reluctant amusement there, almost a fondness; and that you even bother doing it, shows an interest in her. And in your mother's case, these plays for power take the form of trying to turn you over to her way of life, which she obviously believes is better for you (and for her).
    [ Ni > Ti > Fe > Fi > Ne > Te > Si > Se ][ 4w5 sp/sx ][ RLOAI ][ IEI-Ni ]

  5. #5
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    If goalposts look like a Y to you, you make funky-looking Ys.
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  6. #6
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nunki View Post
    I enjoyed that immensely--people should record their conversations more often, and maybe we could even get a thread started for it.

    I think your mother is an ESTJ or possibly a feeler.

    The dynamic between you two fascinates me. It's a struggle for power; you're trying to maintain your purity and independence, and she's trying to turn you into the type of person you least want to be. I wonder what the history behind that dynamic is. How did you get there, and what does it mean? (I'm not asking you to explain; it's just something that occurs to me.)

    I also notice some love, or maybe just affection there, on both sides. On your side it seems to be rather reluctant, perhaps not even conscious, and on hers, it's an almost fatherly toughness. In both cases, these traces of affection present themselves through plays for power. In your case, these plays for power are to make light of your mother and her interests. Yet there is also reluctant amusement there, almost a fondness; and that you even bother doing it, shows an interest in her. And in your mother's case, these plays for power take the form of trying to turn you over to her way of life, which she obviously believes is better for you (and for her).
    Well, there's a lot behind that dynamic. Part of it is that she doesn't have a lot of people in her life except me, so she wants me to fulfill all her interaction needs, even if that means changing me. Also, the way I am right now isn't getting me anywhere, and she probably thinks that making me more like the person she wants me to be will get me somewhere. In fact, I think she's actually an ISTJ... she's usually only that excited about politics or sports. The rest of time, she's just quiet and subdued. She's not a very active person, kind of sedentary and likes to watch TV.

    Another part of the dynamic is mutual dependency. I'm physically dependent on her, but she's emotionally dependent on me (although it might not be obvious from the above conversation). So we both have a lot of bargaining power and are somewhat evenly matched. It's been like this for years, and I've never had it any other way, while she hasn't had it any other way for a decade or longer, and I was basically the replacement to my Dad in that role, who was the replacement to her own mother in that role, etc... We tend to hold each other in a stable pattern as a result, minimizing change that would tip the balance in favor of either of us.

    I would also note that was a good day. Some days I verbally lash out in frustration because she picks at something that's really important to me... of course, that usually results in hours of silence. Sadly, the only reason I use such harsh language is because it's often the only thing that she'll respect. Otherwise, she'll just keep picking when I'm clearly not in the mood to be picked on. I don't like myself when I act that way, but sometimes I can't help it.

    To be honest, my relationship with BOTH parents is characterized by extremely weird power dynamics, because I have power that I shouldn't have, and lack power that I should have.

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