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  1. #21
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FMWarner View Post
    ... We're not avoiding our friend Joe because he is Joe, we're avoiding him because he is a person and we don't want to interact. We like Joe! We just don't want to talk to anyone....
    There it is.


    (In other words, "It's not you -- it's me!")
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #22
    The Unwieldy Clawed One Falcarius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    People will also talk my ear off about things I could care less about. Yesterday I had a lady telling me all about menopause and her hot flashes for at least 10 minutes.


    Sorry, please don't abduct and torture me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
    Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.

    Narcissism, plain and simple.

  3. #23
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    Oooh, I'm a classic introvert. And "it's NOT you, it's ME!!!"

    Chatoyer, I forever will see you with a beehive thing and big glasses, waving your hands at the audience..."Discuss!" I'm sorry if that doesn't please you.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I speak to no one outside, I avoid making eye contact when I can tell someone wants to chit chat in the supermarket queue, or at the bus stop, I cross the road to avoid people I know.

    I am totally avoidant. I have pretended at times to not even remember the person I am being stopped by (although sometimes it's true lol) again to avoid a long discussion.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  5. #25
    Member OK Radio's Avatar
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    The thing about the introvert/extrovert decisions that I've seen (admittedly, in only a brief, online way) is that the questions are along the following lines (please create your own male-centric version of my parody):

    Which do you prefer to do?

    A) Ripping your shirt off at a concert, making elusive yet suggestive comments to get allowed backstage, and then partying all night with the opening band for Whitesnake.

    OR

    B) Reading a journal that you wrote when you were twelve and laid out your master plan for becoming a nun, while surrounded by cats.

    WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?

    I'm an introvert, I guess. I'm with vortex in that I shift my world to accommodate others. I will not only act glad to see someone, I'll be glad to see someone because I don't like being fake, but I dislike being cold more so.

    I enjoy the transient and weak approval I get when I meet smiling strangers where I work. I work in an office, but when I'm down on the floor, random people are willing to smile and greet me for no reason whatsoever. It's not extroverted of me to smile right back because I don't have to do anything more. I actually enjoy being friendly and even helpful when the situation calls for it, and after a quick, few minutes of time, I pass on unscathed and untouched, but smug with the satisfaction of knowing I had the opportunity to be accommodating and I took it.

    I don't even mind lending an ear when need be. Sure, tell me about your bunions, your ungrateful children, your girlfriend who has clearly gone on to greener pastures but whom you insist is stalking you. I'm a useful sounding board who offers nothing.

    I need nothing but bland approval, if that, and I seem to give a friendly ear.

    I think I just answered my own question. The line between introvert and extrovert does not depend on your tolerance for talking to other people. The line between introvert and extrovert lies in what you need to take away from the exchange.

    Oh, and if you're friends with me, and you know if you are, this self-satisfied appraisal does not apply to my interactions with you.

  6. #26
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post

    Discuss! Anyone relate on the extrovert side? How about the introverts, how do you view those people?
    Yeah I relate to that - it can be very hard to get on with a task when there are people around, especially people I know well, because the temptation to goof off and slack is too great. I see people as idea generators I guess, and when I'm meant to be focusing on one thing I really can't deal with having someone generate tempting other possibilities and ideas behind me.

    So yeah, I do avoid people sometimes as well, though I don't feel guilty about it. I just tell them I need them to go now, or to leave me alone for whatever quantity of time I need, and explain that I have work to do that I need to do alone. I also explain if necessary that even though they might be able to help me, their presence hinders because I find them too interesting and so can't focus on my job, and I mean it sincerely regardless of who I'm talking to.

    I don't think I'm an 'avoided person'. People might not want to see me sometimes when they're not in the mood for me, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest because after all, I'm just the same and will only approach someone if I'm in the mood for their company, if I have a choice. I generally know how not to outstay my welcome.

    I'm not sure really where the distinction lies between people avoiding you in a negative way (because they don't like you or they're hiding something etc) and positive or neutral ways such as just not being in the mood for you right now or just not being in the mood for anyone and wanting to be alone.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
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    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #27
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    I agree with Substitute. I don't try to avoid people, but when I don't want to chitchat, I try to send out very clear signals that I don't want to talk or I engage in a few words and make an exit. I too try not to overstay my welcome and look for signals that a person is ready to go about their merry way.

    It's happened that when I see someone I know and they see me, I've noticed them avert their eyes really quick. Cool, you don't want to talk, NO PROBLEM. Just don't pretend like you don't know me, say hello and keep going. That's when I start to wonder if something is wrong and I speed off into infinity with thoughts of why they did that.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #28
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I agree with Substitute. I don't try to avoid people, but when I don't want to chitchat, I try to send out very clear signals that I don't want to talk or I engage in a few words and make an exit. I too try not to overstay my welcome and look for signals that a person is ready to go about their merry way.

    It's happened that when I see someone I know and they see me, I've noticed them avert their eyes really quick. Cool, you don't want to talk, NO PROBLEM. Just don't pretend like you don't know me, say hello and keep going. That's when I start to wonder if something is wrong and I speed off into infinity with thoughts of why they did that.
    God yeah, I hate when people do that too. I think the reasons for it can fall into the following categories:

    1. They aren't sure whether they know you well enough to have casual conversations with (very British), or whether it's their 'place' to approach you.
    2. They think you don't want to talk to them, and so pretend they haven't seen you to take the burden of rejecting them off your shoulders (again, very British).
    3. They're shy and afraid that if they open their mouths, something stupid will come out.
    4. They think that if they say hello you'll stop them and get them into a conversation that they haven't really got time for and they'll be too polite to 'leave first' (again... gotta love those British!)
    5. They think you'll stop them and have a conversation that they have got time for, but don't want to have because they're not in the mood
    6. Ditto, but because they don't like conversations with you.
    7. No reason at all, just habitual urban aloofness.

    I tend to say hello to them first as I see them approach, and if they don't say hello back, I do the 'mock conversation' thing so they can hear. You know, like I'll say "Oh hello substitute, how are you? Fine thanks, and you? Not bad, well I must get going, I've work to do. Right you are, cheerio then, maybe see you later? Maybe, all the best!"

    Or my favourite: "Hello substitute, sorry I just ignored you there for no apparent reason" - heheheh, do it and enjoy the look on their face.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  9. #29
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I tend to say hello to them first as I see them approach, and if they don't say hello back, I do the 'mock conversation' thing so they can hear. You know, like I'll say "Oh hello substitute, how are you? Fine thanks, and you? Not bad, well I must get going, I've work to do. Right you are, cheerio then, maybe see you later? Maybe, all the best!"

    Or my favourite: "Hello substitute, sorry I just ignored you there for no apparent reason" - heheheh, do it and enjoy the look on their face.
    Those are great. Because they force people to acknowledge openly what's going on, but allows them to also laugh about it and not take it personally.

    I think this and also PM's comments (about being fine with just being told that the other person is busy) are very helpful. My problem is that for a long time I just felt as if I was rejecting the other person by wanting to meet my own current needs; and I *also* feared that if I brought up my needs, I was risking a confrontation or some sort of prolonged entanglement with them having to justify myself. IPs hate that, I think. We usually get our boundaries trod all over in the process ... and end up folding and not getting to do our thing. It's easier to ignore and avoid the possibility of entanglement altogether.

    So it is nice to be told that often the other person will not encroach on our boundaries if we just explain ourselves, that they will still respect us if we are upfront about what we need...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #30
    Senior Member Recluse's Avatar
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    I have always found the other side of the street to be greener.

    A new, antisocial twist on the old line:
    It's not you, it's me. I don't like you.

    (Not meant in reference to my fellow forumites, of course.)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    I didn't say that I didn't say it. I said that I didn't say that I said it. I want to make that very clear.

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