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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    Dear INFP,

    How do you suggest getting over a romantic engagement that ended badly (broken heart may be a bit severe in this case, bent certainly)?

    Thank you.

    Yours sincerely,
    Ergophobe
    Dear Ergophobe,

    Get angry. Acknowledging your anger is a powerful tool if you want to stop being depressed about a soured affair. This may not be the wise or logical answer, but it does work. Some people say that depression is just anger turned in on yourself. I think this is possible. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you become enraged and seek to punish your ex. Something more along the lines of getting your self-esteem back. A friend once told me that the best revenge is living well.

    On a more practical note, make some external positive changes in your life. Clean your house, paint your porch, buy some new clothes, or take up a class or hobby. Start over in some sort of outwardly symbolic way.

    I've done the whole emo drowning in misery thing. That's okay for a couple of days (or weeks if it was a really LTR, of course the grieving time would be longer), but it's no way to live.

    I don't recommend rebound relationships. Lots of people do that - I've done it before - and it feels easy, but I think it just messes you up more if you go from person to person to person.

  2. #72
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    Personal opinion: out of all the bs "ask an ____" threads, this is the only one worth merit as PeaceBaby took thought, time and consideration to answer all questions.

    But, I get why it had to be done, the rest of the "similar" threads ruined it for this one. Ah well.
    I agree 100%

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I'm in the FLUFF Zone? I feel broken-hearted ... but will still answer the remaining questions ... where's the crying smilie ...
    It was clearly a group wise policy. That, and maybe the title of the thread made it seem like a parody like the others. I must confess you are sort of my INFP hero right now, though. It seems like you used the premise to really come up with classy, thoughtful, empathetic answers.

  3. #73
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    this is what lets me know that I am an iNFP and not an INFP. I have some of these ENFP traits, like the enthusiasm.
    yep, i also have idea its mostly ENFP or iNFP thing....not with strong I.

  4. #74
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    this is what lets me know that I am an iNFP and not an INFP. I have some of these ENFP traits, like the enthusiasm.
    It was challenging for me to "decide" between ENFP vs INFP as well; not many folks I know would consider me an introvert in the classic sense LOL!

    What answered the question for me was the following: do people (generally) energize me or do I need to recharge after social interaction. I need to recharge. Perhaps that's a more defining parameter to consider than enthusiasm. When I think of the word enthusiasm, I see cheerleaders in my mind, so that would be a LOT of enthusiasm!

  5. #75
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhapsody View Post
    I've really been enjoying reading the responses in this thread so far.

    Here's a question: how does one learn to fall in love? (If that doesn't make sense, I'll elaborate).
    You know what, I do want you to elaborate. I have a vision of what you mean in my mind, but I want to be sure to answer most specifically. Have you been hurt before and find it hard to trust? Are you in a relationship that has lost some of the initial compelling attraction and you have to come to terms with the apparent flaws of your partner? Or are you in an arranged relationship?

    Do share; or PM and I am happy to reflect on it.

  6. #76
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Why does Ben & Jerry ice cream have funny names for flavours?
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  7. #77
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Why does Ben & Jerry ice cream have funny names for flavours?
    Ben had taste, Jerry had humour.

  8. #78
    Senior Member Rhapsody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    You know what, I do want you to elaborate. I have a vision of what you mean in my mind, but I want to be sure to answer most specifically. Have you been hurt before and find it hard to trust? Are you in a relationship that has lost some of the initial compelling attraction and you have to come to terms with the apparent flaws of your partner? Or are you in an arranged relationship?

    Do share; or PM and I am happy to reflect on it.
    It's closest to option #2 (loss of initial compelling attraction). I get infatuated really easily, but the infatuation dies just as easily ... and not even after getting into a relationship, but by the second or third date. I guess another way of putting it is that romantic feelings and "the chase" are, for whatever reason, inextricable for me. Once I realize a relationship with a person is actually possible, my feelings never deepen, they just vanish.

    I think it might have something to do with my own idealism/propensity to live in my head on overdrive. I have no idea how to stop doing it, though. In any case, thanks for considering my question! (And for the hug )

  9. #79
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergophobe View Post
    Dear INFP,

    How do you suggest getting over a romantic engagement that ended badly (broken heart may be a bit severe in this case, bent certainly)?

    Thank you.

    Yours sincerely,
    Ergophobe
    Hi Ergophobe,

    I don't sense that you are devastated by this break-up. But the ending of this relationship has left you feeling insecure, shaken even. And I don't know why I am getting this vibe but I sense you may have behaved in a manner that's less than your ideal image of yourself in the process of "breaking-up". And you are left less confident in these matters of the heart, a place where you generally feel good about yourself. (That's just pure speculation on my part, so please correct me if I am wrong.)

    The solution regardless: feel your feelings. I cannot recommend it enough. You can't help but feel them anyway, so you may as well revel in them even. Go through a brief period of mourning, have a little funeral as it were for this relationship gone so wrong somehow. Heal any open wounds by offering apologies and forgiveness. And move on. Don't wallow. Personally I write and I find it very cleansing too. I've recommended this already in thread, but ground yourself in the real world for a bit. Bubble baths, sunrises, sunsets, no books (they are only an escape.) Reconnect with a couple of old friends. Do some real tangible stuff to elevate your sprits.

    I cannot recommend anger as a solution. I have to let my feelings wash through me like water even if I don't like how I feel. (And it's easy to type that but not so easy to let happen sometimes!) So feel your anger, but be aware that anger sweeps away every other feeling you can have and is just a mask that covers true emotions. Have you ever noticed that? When you are angry there is no room for love, no room even for fear. There's just anger. And it leaves a bitter taste, and little I have ever done that was borne of anger bore any productive fruit. If you have been wronged, feel righteously and justifiably hurt, dismayed, confused, but use those feelings to spur you to work on healing and bettering yourself in the future. If you have done wrong, offer healing and apologies; mend fences. But don't just be angry. It will simply leave you empty.

    Best,
    PeaceBaby

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    A friend once told me that the best revenge is living well. ... On a more practical note, make some external positive changes in your life. Clean your house, paint your porch, buy some new clothes, or take up a class or hobby. Start over in some sort of outwardly symbolic way.
    This is nice - very nice marmalade.sunrise.

  10. #80
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    Personal opinion: out of all the bs "ask an ____" threads, this is the only one worth merit as PeaceBaby took thought, time and consideration to answer all questions.

    But, I get why it had to be done, the rest of the "similar" threads ruined it for this one. Ah well.

    Good job, regardless PeaceBaby. <--scary-ass emoticon
    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I agree 100%

    It was clearly a group wise policy. That, and maybe the title of the thread made it seem like a parody like the others. I must confess you are sort of my INFP hero right now, though. It seems like you used the premise to really come up with classy, thoughtful, empathetic answers.
    You are both too kind, but thanks, I was having fun doing this too. So a little sad to see my thread be designated FLUFF, even though I could see the logic of banishing all the themed threads down below.

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