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  1. #41
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Why must I be so damn moody?

  2. #42
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Where do we meet our ENF compatriots? What do they like/respect about us? How can we emphasize/display those things more?

  3. #43
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    What is the best way to put force behind a feather touch? (I'll clarify that a bit if you need me to, but I suspect you will know what I'm talking about.)
    The best way is to use empathy. In order to be an effective INFP leader, you need to use your ability to sense other's motivations, bond with them and see the big picture to help guide you to success. When people know you care about them and want them to succeed, they want to work for you.

    Leadership is a learned skill, and not easy especially when NFP's (and SFP's) have a tendency to dislike imposing our will upon others. (Making leadership seem challenging, if not downright stressful!) Each temperament will have a unique starting point in the development of a "soft-touch" approach, but an NF (in general) will have an advantage of sensing the emotional temperature of any given situation. This is our starting point.

    So, you have an objective to accomplish. If you get to pick a team, choose a variety of colleagues. Don't play it safe by only picking "like-minded" people. Mix it up, bearing in mind the obvious conflicts you already know about. (Don't put Jimmy's best-friend's ex-girlfriend on the team for example!) Go with your instincts.

    Within the team setting, as an INFP you must learn to hone your people-reading skills and trust the emotional messages you receive from the group. I am not saying to rashly act on this information alone of course, but don't discount it either - always take it into account, especially as a manager. If you feel like something is wrong with your team, or even between colleagues, there probably is. (Back to this in a sec.) Especially important to "feel our feelings" because of our leadership style. Personally, I cannot be the heavy "get it done NOW" kind of manager so as an INFP I must play my strengths. You can never lead from a position of weakness.

    Next, as you assemble your team and assess how to obtain your objective you will also (ironically) use your skills to chameleon to different communication styles to forge bonds and understand the perspectives of others. This allows you to ally individually with your team members on their terms; you don't always need the "home team" advantage, where it's "one way" - we approach from a stance of "sameness". We are the team. We become each other's allies and greatest strengths. So use your natural ability to channel into even the gestures and interests of others - I used to feel like I had no personality because of my tendency towards this, but now I feel this is a great strength, not a weakness.

    So here we are, we've got a team and one step closer to a position to use our natural strengths in this endeavor to "get others to do what we want". But no INFP is going to feel comfortable that I just said that. That is because one of our greatest abilities is not to push to the goal line, but to lead via inspiration, and fostering that comes next. You are not going to lead by getting hard, you will lead by becoming soft. Follow me now. You have spent time getting to know your team, feeling them out, sensing their life space and making bonds, forging relationships. Now you bring the vision to the table, the problem that needs solving, and you as the leader provide every tool each person needs in order to be the most successful at accomplishing the task at hand. You know what they need because you KNOW your team. The SJ needs orders and specifics. The NT needs problems to solve, details to sort and assemble. The SP brings spontaneity and tangential thinking to all brainstorming sessions, shaping the whole body of work with their vision. The NF brings a human touch and all the fabulous "connect the dot" inspiration to the table. As the leader, you engage everyone, you ask questions, lead the brainstorming, keep discussions on task while not alienating new ideas and generally excite people by channeling THEIR greatest strengths. You take all the raw data and work everyone's thoughts into the big picture solution. Then turn it over, release it back to your team and project-manage all the details. You just need to be organized here - and use software to help. It will seem less onerous.

    Use praise, but only genuinely, and often. Be clear - if you need something done by Friday, you say it must get done. Just clarity. Total clarity of the objective, the tasks needed to complete the objective and consequences if these aren't met. You don't have to hit heavy. You just be specific, and don't feel bad to ask for these things. Don't let your own discomfort translate into the task at hand. You know what needs to get done, so just ask. If you have qualms, they'll show. If project deadlines are compromised because of the actions of one or two members of the team, thank them for their efforts and find out what's wrong, what's preventing them from completing the work. Use compassion as your tool. Remove obstacles. You know that people generally want to do well, so tell them this too. And hopefully you have got your team so stoked for success at this point you just need to keep everything on track. No one will want to leave this team or get kicked off because dammit, it's just so much fun it hardly even SEEMS like work! Use your people skills and you'll juggle through the awkward times. Just keep the vision clear - let yourself get excited and let it show! It's catchy.

    This kind of gelling is pretty special, and I've only had a couple of experiences leading groups so specifically in this manner, but man it's exciting!

    Also, lest you think me some leadership guru - I worked for a tech company that was doing really well until 2000 / 2001 when the industry took a shake-up. Rumours were flying about lay-offs; people were stressed and slacking off. I needed results from them still though so I changed tactics and turned hard, shadow-style leadership. People couldn't believe how cold I seemed then I think. And we did have lay-offs, including myself later. But I had to help lay-off over 30 people before my exit, and some of them likely have less than fond memories of me. Why me? Because I changed, you see ... I didn't seem to care anymore about them in their eyes. So I learned a lot from that experience. I am now totally clear on expectations from the get-go, but still work to create those strong bonds.

    About sensing problems - you may not know what the problem is, so don't assume anything, but be assured a problem likely exists somewhere. Dig deeper. Get data. Ask questions. Don't think by turning away from the feeling that the problem will work out somehow. It won't. So find out what's going on. Your biggest obstacle to "soft-touch" leadership is this type of issue. Human factors complicate even the best empathetic strategizing. So find out who is disgruntled and solve it.

    Sometimes you have to fire people. Document everything as you go along. Again, the INFP tendency I think can be to sense a problem but only assume what that problem is instead of ASKING DIRECTLY. Do it. Be tenacious. And problem people, document them off your hands, so you build a rock-solid termination and make your team stronger for the culling. This is SO HARD, but so necessary. Thankfully, most people will be fabulous, so this (hopefully) is very infrequent.

    Also, remember to recharge. From time to time you will feel you've over-extended. Eat lunch alone. Daydream. Take the bus and veg out. Let yourself unwind. Take care of yourself.

    Whew, I feel like this has only scratched the surface. Share your thoughts too - that would be excellent!

  4. #44
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Dear tasty INFPs,

    Why are INFPs so tasty?

    Hungrily yours,
    Trin

  5. #45
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Because being eaten by t women beats being banned by t women!

  6. #46
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Dear tasty INFPs,

    Why are INFPs so tasty?

    Hungrily yours,
    Trin
    Dear Trin,

    It's the sugary-sweetness; you can't imagine how many people try to chew on my arm any given day.

    Tastefully Yours,
    PeaceBaby

  7. #47
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Why must I be so damn moody?
    Well, you can't change what IS. All you can do is ride the wave and not worry so much if you feel down. Moodiness only becomes a problem when one allows it to impact self-worth or spill it out onto others. So let yourself feel your feelings, then say to yourself: "Hey I am doing OK, in fact I am great! SO I won't worry about feeling a little blue (or scared or frustrated or anxious) at this moment." Then do something Se oriented to soothe you. Smell the roses. Walk barefoot in the cool grass. Take time for a hot shower or bubble bath. Close your eyes and listen to the wind through the leaves. Make cookies. Swing on the swings in the park. All these things rebalance you.

    I read a saying once that whatever you focus your attention on grows. So don't focus on the moodiness, just acknowledge it to honor yourself and move on.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    ....can INFP be enthusiastic??? and how often they are? I mean expressively enthusiastic... because i've red that that's difference between enfps and infps.

  9. #49
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Well, you can't change what IS. All you can do is ride the wave and not worry so much if you feel down. Moodiness only becomes a problem when one allows it to impact self-worth or spill it out onto others. So let yourself feel your feelings, then say to yourself: "Hey I am doing OK, in fact I am great! SO I won't worry about feeling a little blue (or scared or frustrated or anxious) at this moment." Then do something Se oriented to soothe you. Smell the roses. Walk barefoot in the cool grass. Take time for a hot shower or bubble bath. Close your eyes and listen to the wind through the leaves. Make cookies. Swing on the swings in the park. All these things rebalance you.

    I read a saying once that whatever you focus your attention on grows. So don't focus on the moodiness, just acknowledge it to honor yourself and move on.

    Such an awesome reply. Makes me proud to be an INFP lol.

  10. #50
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Ok when is someone doing one of these threads for ESFP, ENFP, ENFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ, ISTJ, ESTJ, and ENTJ?

    We've gotten through half of them at this point, I believe.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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