Here is a whole list of jokes like this.
Mathematical joke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Here is a whole list of jokes like this.
Mathematical joke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
Robot Fusion
"As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
"[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
"[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield
Hey no fair! Those jokes are actually funny. (Funny to me at least.)
I had heard most of them before, but I hadn't heard this one yet (which I find quite funny):
There are also jokes which I have heard using mathematicians which I suspect originated with them, but have been adapted using other groups. Here is an example:A mathematician, an engineer and a chemist are at a conference. They are staying in adjoining rooms. One evening they are downstairs in the bar. The mathematician goes to bed first. The chemist goes next, followed a minute or two later by the engineer. The chemist notices that in the corridor outside their rooms a rubbish bin is ablaze. There is a bucket of water nearby. The chemist starts concocting a means of generating carbon dioxide in order to create a makeshift extinguisher but before he can do so the engineer arrives, dumps the water on the fire and puts it out. The next morning the chemist and engineer tell the mathematician about the fire. He admits he saw it. They ask him why the hell he didn't put it out. He replies contemptuously "there was a fire and a bucket of water: a solution obviously existed."
"A group of economists and a group of mathematicians are traveling by train to a lecture. While waiting for the train to arrive the economists all have their tickets in hand and look over toward the mathematicians. Only one of the mathematicians has a ticket in hand. The train arrives and they all board. As the conductor heads toward the economists to take their tickets, all of the mathematicians crowd into the bathroom, close the door, and set it to "occupied". When the conductor reaches the door, he knocks on it saying, "ticket please". One of the mathematicians then sticks his arm out the door with ticket in hand. The conductor takes the ticket, says "Please enjoy your ride", and then heads on his way.
"The next day after the lecture both the economists and mathematicians are at the train station. Only one of the economists is holding a ticket in hand. They look over at the mathematicians and notice that none of them is holding a ticket. Both groups board the train and the economists quickly pile into the bathroom. One of the mathematicians then knocks on the door and says, "ticket please", and takes the ticket from the hand of the economist that comes out of the door. "Please enjoy your ride" says the mathematician and then he rejoins his group. The economists come out of the bathroom, and immediately afterward all of the mathematicians pile back in just before the conductor reaches their car."
I've seen this joke applied to other groups such as "Northerners" and "Southerners", but I think this originated with mathematicians, since the lesson here is essentially "You must understand the method in order to properly use it" which is really a lesson a mathematician would use given their emphasis on proofs.
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One from the Science humor section.
I don't get the mechanical engineer part, though. The rest I find quite funny.A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are sitting around and one of them says "It says here that Professor X has come up with a new theorem that all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime". Each person present thinks to himself:
Mathematician: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the rest follows by Mathematical induction.
Physicist: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime...
Engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is approximately prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime ...
Mechanical engineer: 3 is prime, 4 is prime, 5 is prime, 6 is prime...
Computer engineer: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime...
"Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"
“Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
A man walks into a bar after work, sits down and orders a beer. As he looks around, he notices that he is the only patron in the place. The bartender pours him a draft and places it on the bar with a fresh bowl of peanuts.
"Excuse me, I have to run in the back for a second," said the bartender. As the bartender disappeared into the back, the man heard a voice say "I love your haircut!" He swiveled in his seat and looked around, but as before the place was empty. The barkeep returned and refilled the man's beer and nuts, and the man asked "Did you hear a voice? Is there someone else here?" The bartender confirmed that the bar was in fact empty, and excused himself to the back again. The voice returned, saying "What a finely tailored suit!" The bar patron got up and looked all around for the elusive source of the voice, but found nothing. When the bartender returned, the man again asked, "Are you sure you don't hear a voice? Are you throwing your voice from the storeroom?" The bartender assured the man that they were alone and that he was not playing a trick, and then excused himself to the back for a third time. The phantom voice came one last time, saying "My lord but you're a sexy one!" The man flipped out this time, running into the back room to confront the bartender. "I've had it!" cried the man. "Every time you leave the bar, this voice comes out of nowhere and I know it's you! First it said I had a nice haircut, then it liked my suit, and lastly it said I was sexy! I demand to know what's going on!"
"Ohhhhhh, that" said the bartender with a hearty laugh. Don't worry, sir. That's just the peanuts. They're complimentary.
People have said that I'm broad-minded.
Does that mean that I think like a woman?