User Tag List

First 51314151617 Last

Results 141 to 150 of 212

  1. #141

    Default

    Breaking into a home late one night, a burglar was startled when he entered the living room and a voice said, "Jesus is watching you." Looking around the room, he spotted a parrot in a cage in the corner of the room. "What's your name?" he whispered to the parrot. "Moses," the bird squawked back. The burglar started laughing. "What kind of idiot names their parrot 'Moses'?" The bird replied, " The kind of idiot who named his Rottweiler 'Jesus'."
    By the way, I'm the girl in the picture, lol.... happily married though, so don't even...

  2. #142

    Default

    There once was this guy that got a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF!--out popped a genie!

    "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."

    So the guy thinks for a minute and says, "I would like a nice big house."

    "You shall have it," and the genie grants him the wish. "Anything else?"

    The guy thinks for a while. Then, "I would like a Ferrari with - you know - the works."

    "Your wish is my command. What is your last wish?"

    "Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day."

    "OK, suit yourself," says the genie.

    So the guy gets in his new Ferrari and goes for a drive to show all his friends. He turns on the radio. There's a very familiar commercial on. The guy starts singing to it: "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
    Last edited by RansomedbyFire; 09-14-2007 at 10:37 AM.
    By the way, I'm the girl in the picture, lol.... happily married though, so don't even...

  3. #143
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    3,377

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RansomedbyFire View Post
    There once was this guy that got a dirty old lamp for his birthday. He cleaned it up and POOF!--out popped a genie!

    "I shall give you three wishes. You may have anything you like."

    So the guys thinks for a minute and says, "I would like a billion dollars."

    "You shall have it," and the genie grants him the wish. "Anything else?"

    The guy thinks for a while. Then, "I would like a VW Bug with A/C, power locks, power windows, 10-disk changer, you know the works."

    "Your wish is my command. What is your last wish?"

    "Hmmm. I think I'll save it for a rainy day."

    "OK, suit yourself," says the genie.

    So the guy gets in his new VW and goes for a drive to show all his friends. He turns on the radio. There's a very familiar commercial on. The guy starts singing to it: "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."

    I'm sorry I cannot suspend disbelief for this joke? Why would anyone wish for a VW bug?
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
    http://www.revoltingvegetables.com

  4. #144
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I'm sorry I cannot suspend disbelief for this joke? Why would anyone wish for a VW bug?
    If you were Aryan, you'd understand...

  5. #145

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I'm sorry I cannot suspend disbelief for this joke? Why would anyone wish for a VW bug?
    Sorry, in the original version I heard, it was a Ferrari. I just Googled it and didn't read the whole joke before I copy/pasted it.
    By the way, I'm the girl in the picture, lol.... happily married though, so don't even...

  6. #146
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    This one's for you, RansomedByFire.

    What kind of car did the disciples drive?











    The bible says they were all of one Accord.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  7. #147

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    This one's for you, RansomedByFire.

    What kind of car did the disciples drive?











    The bible says they were all of one Accord.

    *sigh* I went to Christian school for TEN YEARS, remember? Heh... that reminds me though, I should look up a forward I got just a little while ago. brb... *digs in "Sent" folder*
    By the way, I'm the girl in the picture, lol.... happily married though, so don't even...

  8. #148
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RansomedbyFire View Post
    *sigh* I went to Christian school for TEN YEARS, remember? Heh... that reminds me though, I should look up a forward I got just a little while ago. brb... *digs in "Sent" folder*
    All right all right! Geez...

    A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
    The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
    The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
    Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, "They will in a minute."
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  9. #149
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    3,377

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RansomedbyFire View Post
    Sorry, in the original version I heard, it was a Ferrari. I just Googled it and didn't read the whole joke before I copy/pasted it.
    Oh well that's better. I've been waiting about a day and a half to laugh at that joke.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
    http://www.revoltingvegetables.com

  10. #150
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    11,925

    Default

    So a hearse gets into an accident in a San Francisco intersection, the coffin smashes its way out of the back and starts sliding down the hills of San Francisco. It crashes into the pharmacy and stops at the counter. It opens up and a man rises out of it. He asks the clerk, "You have anything to stop this coffin?"

Similar Threads

  1. The groan worthy joke thread
    By prplchknz in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 364
    Last Post: 07-09-2017, 10:19 AM
  2. the jokes thread
    By metaphours in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-20-2009, 06:00 AM
  3. The good jokes thread
    By swordpath in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-26-2009, 09:22 PM
  4. The "tell a joke" thread
    By entropie in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-21-2009, 08:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO