I have better ones!!:
Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong had a contest to see who had the most number of testicles. Chuck Norris won by 3.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard because he wants one. Chuck Norris has a beard because every time he tries to shave, the razor breaks.
Chuck Norris' sperm swam the English Channel.
Chuck Norris can mix oil and water.
Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in a half hour.
Chuck Norris' dad can beat up your dad.
Chuck Norris' mom can beat up your dad.
Chuck Norris' 6-month old son can beat up your dad.
Chuck Norris' eyebrow can beat up your dad.
Actually, Chuck Norris IS your dad.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”