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  1. #1
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Default "Mostly Ethical" - a parody

    I was talking to a coworker today, about the ethics test everyone was forced to take by HR, and she claimed that it's clear that no one's perfect, but she's "mostly ethical."

    It just made me laugh. So I wrote this short job application letter and wonder how many people would be reassured by it.

    Dear Mr. Lookinferhelp,

    I have heard about your job position and wanted to express my moderate interest.

    No one is perfect, including myself, but I really want you to know that I am, for all intents and purposes, mostly ethical.

    I only steal things that other people do not really seem to need, and I only lie when I have a very very good reason. I do not hurt people unless they deserve it, and I only make fun of those who are truly laughable.

    Any time I take money, I always promise to myself that I will give it back later, and when I ding someone's car in the lot, I do take a moment to write a little anonymous note of apology and encourage them to have a good day.

    I believe in God as long as He seems to be real, I am firmly committed to my marriage until some better option comes along, and I do not spank my kids unless I am very very angry.

    Most importantly for you, I do not criticize my superiors in front of their faces, to avoid unnecessarily hurting their feelings; and I never try to get them fired from their position unless I truly think I could do a better job than they are doing.

    I hope this sort of mostly ethical record qualifies me for the job of bank teller with your branch.

    (And I won't even harass you about an answer until I decide you've had enough time to think about it!)

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Handzindatil
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #2
    Member Ferrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    the ethics test everyone was forced to take by HR
    Because of course, the coporate world has a monopoly on ethical judgement.

  3. #3
    Oberon
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    That letter is straight out of the Dudley Moore film "Crazy People," in which Moore plays an ad exec with a new twist on advertising: the truth.

    "Volvo: They're boxy, but they're good."

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oberon67 View Post
    That letter is straight out of the Dudley Moore film "Crazy People," in which Moore plays an ad exec with a new twist on advertising: the truth.
    He lost that job, didn't he?

    (Oh wait. He's dead now.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ferrus View Post
    Because of course, the coporate world has a monopoly on ethical judgement.
    And, at the very least, a monopoly on my paycheck!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    Senior Member miked277's Avatar
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    one thing i learned a while ago when applying for a job... lie.

    maybe not lie outright and claim you've done things you haven't, but lie in the sense that you hide all the little subtle nuances/qualifiers in those questions like "would you ever do or think anything bad to/about us, your possible employer?" for questions like that you just answer what they want to hear if you want the job.

    ethics tests @ work to me means figure out what the tester wants to hear and put that down. kinda like when a woman asks if she looks fat in a dress. you aren't being rewarded for digging into your soul to find a meaningful and truthful answer. there are times for complete honesty and times when there are clear right and wrong answers to "subjective" questions. on the topic of times for complete honesty, one of those times is when you're asking yourself if you honestly would be happy in some job and not just w/ the paycheck. after you figure that out, you do what's necessary to get the job.

  6. #6
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    When a woman asks if she's fat you say "yes, I am like a moth to the flame". I would have a hard time dating a girl who wouldn't like that.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by miked277 View Post
    ethics tests @ work to me means figure out what the tester wants to hear and put that down.
    These tests were all automated.

    In the past, we simply had to flip through the web pages, pick all the right answers at the end, and be done with it. Annoying, but we could go at our own pace.

    Now it's even BETTER: Now it has audio and we have to go at the pace of the software, and they have awful voice actors acting out the scenarios, and THEN after we struggle through listening to all of this (and, btw, all the spoken text is ALSO repeated on the screen... so why can't I just skip the audio?), we have to answer the question.

    So it took 2-3x longer this year than ever before.

    And everyone was multicultural. There was a Chinese female CEO, and a black male manager, and most of the white people were the peons. It was so transparently fabricated, I couldn't stop giggling as I was taking it, it was soooo bad....

    I love progress.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    Senior Member miked277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    These tests were all automated.

    In the past, we simply had to flip through the web pages, pick all the right answers at the end, and be done with it. Annoying, but we could go at our own pace.

    Now it's even BETTER: Now it has audio and we have to go at the pace of the software, and they have awful voice actors acting out the scenarios, and THEN after we struggle through listening to all of this (and, btw, all the spoken text is ALSO repeated on the screen... so why can't I just skip the audio?), we have to answer the question.

    So it took 2-3x longer this year than ever before.

    And everyone was multicultural. There was a Chinese female CEO, and a black male manager, and most of the white people were the peons. It was so transparently fabricated, I couldn't stop giggling as I was taking it, it was soooo bad....

    I love progress.
    i think the only real way to test people honestly is w/o their knowledge. i suppose that sounds a bit shifty but it seems true. and of course the logistics of it would be really painful, especially if its a large company that needs testing.

    i remember reading one of those books that show you how to best run a business. one of the big pointers was to start w/ the right people. if you do that, all the problems that stem from having unethical or poor performers are eliminated... or at least reduced. that makes people who know how to pick the "right people" extremely valuable.

    hrm, anyways... the point is... don't do drugs, stay in school, drink your milk and make ethics test questions have non-obvious, come-at-you-from-the-side type answers
    Last edited by miked277; 08-06-2007 at 10:07 PM. Reason: +

  9. #9
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    I totally LMAO while reading the original post except for the parts that weren't funny.
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  10. #10
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I totally LMAO while reading the original post except for the parts that weren't funny.
    You got a laugh in return for that last little bit at the end...!

    ... i still hate you...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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