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Thread: Diamond Rings

  1. #61
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    Not to mention, a gift bought on account of love can't really be based on rationale or logic anyway, because neither of those really have anything to do with love. Right?
    Why can't logic have something to do with love? I have never understood this kind of thinking. To me, many times it is more loving to apply logic to a situation to ensure the best outcome for both people.

    For example, I think PT is being very loving by insisting that they stick to a wedding budget so they don't go broke. It is the logical and loving way to approach things. He loves his wife to be so much that he doesn't want to see her do without in some future time due to their poor planning for sheer pleasure's sake. To my way of seeing things that is love in real action and not just some feeling a person may have.

  2. #62
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    To my way of seeing things that is love in real action and not just some feeling a person may have.
    I strongly dislike the association of love being blind... lust is blind. Real love is deliberate. It requires selfless acts, acts done without personal ego, acts done to move you and your mate forward through life.

  3. #63
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Wow. You really know how to turn marriage into the most planned and least romantic process that I've ever heard of.

    I was going to comment on that paragraph as well. Planning a proposal seems like a great way to take the wind out of its proverbial sails. Why even do the whole "proposal" thing if you've already agreed you're going to get married and when it will happen?

    We had one of these unromantic marriage plans, which was just a matter of circumstances, I guess-- I was asked to accompany my employers to NYC to continue taking care of their child there for a year, and I really wanted to go, but I didn't want to leave him, so I said "why don't we just get married?" I think I said "why don't you go ahead and propose to me" or something, so I suppose I basically proposed to him. We had already talked about it so we were on that road already, and it was just a matter of making it official and picking a time.

    I'm probably revealing myself as hopelessly old-fashioned but I DO sort of miss having the opportunity to have been proposed to. To not know when it was coming, to be taken by surprise with a pledge of love and all that good stuff. Good thing the wedding and honeymoon were super-perfect and awesomely romantic. (Can't complain about the subsequent marriage, either.)
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  4. #64
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Why even do the whole "proposal" thing if you've already agreed you're going to get married and when it will happen?
    I agree. Might as well just give her the exact date so that she can be sure to practice her surprised, Ms. America-receiving-the-crown look.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy
    I'm probably revealing myself as hopelessly old-fashioned but I DO sort of miss having the opportunity to have been proposed to. To not know when it was coming, to be taken by surprise with a pledge of love and all that good stuff.
    Aww. I'm such a romantic that if I I were Noah, I'd re-propose to you when you aren't expecting it and whisk you away for an exotic vacation (along with Thing 1 and Thing 2).

  5. #65
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Aww. I'm such a romantic that if I I were Noah, I'd re-propose to you when you aren't expecting it and whisk you away for an exotic vacation (along with Thing 1 and Thing 2).
    Aww Except that last part. Fuck that! They can stay at Nana's.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
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  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Why can't logic have something to do with love? I have never understood this kind of thinking. To me, many times it is more loving to apply logic to a situation to ensure the best outcome for both people.

    For example, I think PT is being very loving by insisting that they stick to a wedding budget so they don't go broke. It is the logical and loving way to approach things. He loves his wife to be so much that he doesn't want to see her do without in some future time due to their poor planning for sheer pleasure's sake. To my way of seeing things that is love in real action and not just some feeling a person may have.
    I guess I'm speaking from the assumption that anyone I fall in love with is going to be intelligent and driven enough to be successful and practical with money, so neither he nor I really need to over-think the whole ring-buying process.

    Sorry.

  7. #67
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    I guess I'm speaking from the assumption that anyone I fall in love with is going to be intelligent and driven enough to be successful and practical with money, so neither he nor I really need to over-think the whole ring-buying process.

    Sorry.
    Rings are pretty expensive. So are weddings. We're both pretty intelligent (not sure about the "driven" part though) and we'd still have to think about any purchase involving thousands of dollars. Say you fall in love with a teacher? An intelligent and driven teacher is still going to have to prioritize and make choices and perhaps not get everything they want. Most people have to do this.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Rings are pretty expensive. So are weddings. We're both pretty intelligent (not sure about the "driven" part though) and we'd still have to think about any purchase involving thousands of dollars. Say you fall in love with a teacher? An intelligent and driven teacher is still going to have to prioritize and make choices and perhaps not get everything they want. Most people have to do this.
    Okay, I was really just making an argument for the sake of debate. A debate I have lost because I never really agreed with the argument I made.

    I'll be quiet now.

  9. #69
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    Okay, I was really just making an argument for the sake of debate. A debate I have lost because I never really agreed with the argument I made.

    I'll be quiet now.
    That's not what I was going for!

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  10. #70
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I was going to comment on that paragraph as well. Planning a proposal seems like a great way to take the wind out of its proverbial sails. Why even do the whole "proposal" thing if you've already agreed you're going to get married and when it will happen?
    Let me ask you a different question - We are living together. We shop together. Our money is pooled. Both of our names are on the mortgage and our home. We are common law. It will have been like this for about 2 years by the time we get engaged.

    What exactly would change when we get married? The marriage is for others, not for us - we'll have been married in nearly every sense of the word, except the legal one, for about three years. Yes, she's a J and needs that final closure (more than me anyway), but the marriage is just another day in our lives. We are already committed to each other. Not because of some paper, not because of our emotions... It is because of our actions, our dedication and our drive.

    I'm still going to propose at some "random" time. I've already got that plan in motion and am laying the groundwork now (~1 year in advance). It'll be a surprise - quite an engineered one, which will make it that much more special when we look back.

    Planning and talking things out does not eliminate emotion or romance. I guess what I don't understand is how talking about our lifeplan together isn't romantic. It's not flowers sure, but I see it as a demonstrated promise to be with her forever.

    I can't help but see it as the difference of someone being "romantic", bringing chocolates and flowers over all the time, but not being there when you need them. The most romantic thing, to me, is when she drove out when I was sick. When she made me soup when I had my wisdom teeth out. When she did any one of a million things, just as I have done them for her. We haven't exchanged gifts since our first anniversary - we both made our own. Regardless, I know, to the bottom of my heart, that she will support me through anything.

    You don't get that from romance. I am romantic... overly so compared to her... but the core of our relationship will never be "romance". It probably won't even be considered love by many. But it will be hard cold commitment. A part of that commitment is to help her achieve her dreams, to be there to support her for as long as I live. I take it very seriously... and I'm already a very serious person, obviously.

    Maybe I just write overly dramatically... maybe it would help if I talked about our romantic trips, or the games we play. Maybe it would help if you could see us gazing into each other's eyes every week. Maybe if you could see us on our picnics at the park, taking walks through the gardens around the local parks. Maybe if you could see us cuddle most nights, watching (sorta) some show. Or maybe when we are playing computer games together.

    I see that and I laugh. Romance is easy. (Until you have kids, anyway They make it harder to 'just be romantic'.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    I guess I'm speaking from the assumption that anyone I fall in love with is going to be intelligent and driven enough to be successful and practical with money, so neither he nor I really need to over-think the whole ring-buying process.
    You are right... but you will both still have to judge purchases wisely. What you are saying is that you'll have enough money not to worry about that kind of purchase. The reality is that money problems don't go away if you have more money... or rather, one rarely has more money if they don't judge the purchases wisely.

    Money attitudes are extremely responsible for how much money a couple has (and the amount of money stress the couples go under).

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