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Thread: Diamond Rings

  1. #51
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
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    Haha . . . pt's a cheap ass.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  2. #52
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    Not to mention, a gift bought on account of love can't really be based on rationale or logic anyway, because neither of those really have anything to do with love. Right?

  3. #53
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    I want to be clear on this as well, in case others feel the same way. We are getting married in about 1.5 years, with me proposing sometimes around 0.5 years from now. The date was determined by when we would have paid off the mortgage. The reason we are going to have paid off the mortgage in ~3 years is because we are both disciplined and willing to make the sacrifices in the short term.
    Wow. You really know how to turn marriage into the most planned and least romantic process that I've ever heard of.


  4. #54
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    Ah, it makes sense now. I'm sorry if I came across as kinda harsh in my initial response. I have this tendency towards feminism...
    No worries, I could see how it could come across the wrong way

    Yes, you are the one buying the ring. But it's a gift. You buy gifts based on the other person's taste, not yours. Naturally your taste is going to be reflected in whatever you choose to buy, but ultimately it's not your ring. You're giving it away to her.
    I agree up to the point that she should decide what she wants (the irony being that this is discouraged with diamond sales). What I don't agree with is the concept that between two married people, one should spend the other's money in a way they wouldn't approve of. This has to happen since the assets are now shared. The cost goes to both, as a whole. I can't see this as a true gift.

    In the worst case, it becomes a race to the bottom. I'd much rather have harsh controls on how each person spends money than the alternative. The worst money dynamics I've ever seen have come from those that spend money without talking things out.

    I admit, the degree that my GF and I do it isn't what most people would feel comfortable with. It works for us because we are very united towards goals that require that kind of discipline.

    But let me say, also, that I would of bought the diamond if that is what she wanted. And it would of come out of our wedding budget, as we agreed it would. And that would of meant a smaller wedding and a lesser honeymoon. Nothing should change the underlying goals - not even gifts. Taking that path does lead to a rush to the bottom.

    The same rules apply to me. I'm using a damn POS computer because I wouldn't bend the rules to buy a gaming level computer. The rules are there to enforce a certain relationship dynamic as well as move us towards what we want (and not get sidetracked by the immediate). Same reason we had a budget outlay for getting married, same reason the ring would come from that budget.

    Oh, and for the record, I'm one of those girls who wants a big rock. And speaking as one of those girls, I openly admit it has much to do with my value system and simple competition. I admit I look at small diamonds on other women and think, "why would she settle for that?" Or more accurately, "I would never settle for that!" My mind likes to think a bigger ring means the man considers me worth the expense. I know other women don't necessarily believe that, and my rational side tells me that I've been duped by jewelry companies into believing that. On the other hand, I really don't care. I want the big diamond and my SO understands that. There is also the understanding that if he can throw down what I consider to be unreasonable amounts of cash on his toys, he can do the same for my ring.
    I understand where you are coming from. We'll never agree on it and you'll probably end up judging both me and my GF (in theory ) based upon something I would find... uhh... less than ideal ( ), but I do understand. If it helps, we'll be laughing behind your back as well, just as you'll be doing it to us.

    But jokes aside, the stuff I bolded is what I hear all the time. That's a rush to the bottom mentality. I would gently prod you to consider the ramifications of that attitude - it's a negative sum game to play.

    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    Haha . . . pt's a cheap ass.
    Yes, I am. (But not because of this - I'll end up spending the same amount on the wedding either way. Now I just don't have to spend it on something I don't approve of. Just wait till I post something on wedding flowers though. Oh, and for the record, it's my GF that hates flowers. I can't think of anything I would enjoy more on my wedding than dead plants.)

  5. #55
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Wow. You really know how to turn marriage into the most planned and least romantic process that I've ever heard of.

    Seriously, you didn't expect this from me?

    (And I'll have you know, I'm seriously romantic. I'm also pragmatic, however. If you want to know how I put this to my GF - "I want to only be chained to you when we get married, not to the debt we'd bring with us". Hah!)

  6. #56
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    But let me say, also, that I would of bought the diamond if that is what she wanted. And it would of come out of our wedding budget, as we agreed it would.
    Sure. But c'mon, don't try to fool me. You said that she doesn't know a lot about finances, so you're going to try to tell me that when you were talking to her about the diamond, you didn't use your advanced knowledge to try and sway her decision?

    And by the way, she still wants the diamond. You were smart and sneaky, and you appealled to her sense of logic because she's an INTJ and that works with us. Verrrrry sneaky.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    But jokes aside, the stuff I bolded is what I hear all the time. That's a rush to the bottom mentality. I would gently prod you to consider the ramifications of that attitude - it's a negative sum game to play.
    I suppose for most people you are right. Even with my attitude, however, my SO and I both have great money management skills. We have our own rules when it comes to money and how we spend it, and it works for us. He's the only 23 year old guy I know with such a high credit score. And mine isn't very far behind his (and the only reason it's lower than his is because he's had at least one more big purchase than I have).

    Anywho, I'm not one to knock anyone else's preferences or choices. Your lifestyle works for you, and I can't really criticize that. Good for you, honestly. I hope the wedding planning goes well.

  8. #58
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Sure. But c'mon, don't try to fool me. You said that she doesn't know a lot about finances, so you're going to try to tell me that when you were talking to her about the diamond, you didn't use your advanced knowledge to try and sway her decision?
    Yup, that is what I'm saying. I will put forth my reasons, yes, but I share the information objectively.

    That's why I'm asking for the justification. She had none, I had none and so the question was answered very quickly. I didn't have to convince her of anything. The only reason we talked about it was because she had assumed it would be a diamond (cause that's what everyone does nowadays!). She thought about it and decided against it, in her case, mostly because of the price. We checked engineered diamonds, fake diamonds and all of the alternatives. In the end, she liked a personal custom made (for us) pair of matching rings. I liked the concept behind that too, so now we are looking at what design we want, etc.

    And by the way, she still wants the diamond. You were smart and sneaky, and you appealled to her sense of logic because she's an INTJ and that works with us. Verrrrry sneaky.
    She does. I also want a new computer. And a car. A bigger house. And she wants a bigger wedding and an awesome honeymoon. And a bigger house.

    Resources must be allocated. If we spend the money in one place, it doesn't go to another. Her valuation of the ring dropped very low. But she still wants it.

  9. #59
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cindyrella View Post
    Anywho, I'm not one to knock anyone else's preferences or choices. Your lifestyle works for you, and I can't really criticize that. Good for you, honestly. I hope the wedding planning goes well.
    Me neither - diamonds are probably the absolutely strongest thing I feel about, so this is as bad as it gets for me

    I am not, however, looking forward to the wedding plans. We still haven't decided on much as far as that goes.

  10. #60
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    Great website I would suggest to help with wedding plans - theknot.com. They have a lot of localized message boards to find out about good vendors in your area. And I really shouldn't know that...I'm nowhere near engaged. lol

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