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Thread: Excuse the mess

  1. #1
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Default Excuse the mess

    It just me, or is it like, really annoying to anyone else when people say that?

    Like, you visit somebody's house for the first time, and they've never seen your house, and they're apologizing for the 'inadequacies' of their house.

    It just really gets on my nerves, cos I figure, y'know, if I bring someone to my place and start apologizing for it, for all I know their place could be ten times worse. They could be thinking "Shit, if he thinks this is bad, I'd better not invite him to my place!"

    I was put in this frame of mind when my daughter just told me about her friend, whose house she visited at the weekend for the first time. This is a big house in the country; her parents are loaded. So she's whining and apologizing to my kid the whole time about how small and 'poky' her bedroom is, and how she's sorry that they haven't got much room to play and her old bedroom was much bigger.

    This, in the knowledge that my kid lives in a tiny appartment, the entire floor area of which is probably only twice the size of this kid's 'poky' bedroom.

    I just wonder y'know, I mean I know they're just kids, but I've seen adults do this too. And I wonder, why do they do it? Do they REALLY think their place is a mess? (it's nearly always very houseproud people whose homes look like showhomes to me) And do they not ever think about how it might make the other person feel about THEIR home?

    Thoughts anyone? Do you apologize for your home? Do you know anyone who does? What do you make of it? And, more importantly, should I return myself to the factory to have my Fe settings returned to their proper place?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    I apologize when my space is a mess. I feel bad for not cleaning up because I think it would have probably been the polite thing to do.

    HOWEVER, the situation with the big house and apologizing for the size of the house is different.. I mean thats something you don't have control over so why apologize for it? Even then I could see why people would apologize. Its nothing to get irritated over because people only think of things like the size of their house based on past experience. I'm sure that friend had no clue that your daughter lived in a small apartment and was only apologizing because, for one thing she is a kid, and because she lived in a big house before she can only assume that this new house is "small." Knowing why I do it, she probably did it more for herself than for anyone else. Whenever I apologize I am embarrassed that the room is messy or whatever. So maybe the girl was just a little insecure about the size? In which case its her/their problem to deal with.

    Are you saying I should stop apologizing for my messes?

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    She did know, Chris, she's been to our place. But anyway, I don't wanna nitpick that situation cos that's just what set me to thinking about it, an illustration of the sorta thing, but as I said, I'm aware it's different cos they're just kids, it's more when adults do it that concerns me.

    Well I dunno, I'm just questioning whether it really IS polite... unless I've got my concept of what manners are supposed to be all about completely arse-upwards...?

    ...I mean, I might apologize if, as a result of my messiness, my guest has to stand around whilst I clear a space for them to sit. But then, I'm not really apologizing for the mess so much, as just for its effect directly on their comfort at the time.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    I'm always apologising for the state of my house out of embarrassment, I hate hearing myself say it but it just slips out.

    I feel ashamed of the way my house looks, the fact it shows I am on the lower end of the financial side of life. I also tend to forget someone is coming over and don't realise until they are ringing on the bell and I haven't tidied up.

    I think it's to show them that I am aware of the fact that my house is a mess, that it isn;t normally, I am not a messy person, please don't go all judgemental on me about it.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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  5. #5
    Senor Membrane
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    I only use the phrase if I want to keep people out of my house or room. It does give me a slight feeling of being impolite if they need to sit between mountains of dirty underwear. (my place usually is genuinely a mess)

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    Well we all know INFP's apologize all the time anyway, for EXISTING, dammit lol

    But I'm not so much talking about when a place really is filthy, like the underwear situation or whatever. But just y'know, when it's just normally "lived-in" and not showhome spotless? Do people really think that someone's gonna judge them because there was a used coffee mug on the table?

    Being ashamed or embarrassed about being poor... hmm... I think that's pretty tragic actually. When I see that in people, it makes me want to shake my fist at the Protestant Work Ethic.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #7

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    "Sorry about the mess" is just a set phrase I thought. I never use it myself. Like "how are you" has no real meaning. At least not the literal meaning.
    My Mum says "it's only me" when I answer her calls now that drives me crazy!

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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    "Sorry about the mess" is just a set phrase I thought. I never use it myself. Like "how are you" has no real meaning. At least not the literal meaning.
    My Mum says "it's only me" when I answer her calls now that drives me crazy!
    Yeah, I guess I just hate people over-apologizing generally.

    Interesting though, the idea of it being one those 'meaningless' phrases. I've actually been coming to a realization though, that though they might be meaningless when I say them sometimes, and other people too... quite often, without my realizing it, a person really does mean it. It's not meaningless to them. ISFJ's...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  9. #9
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Well we all know INFP's apologize all the time anyway, for EXISTING, dammit lol
    That we do lol

    But I'm not so much talking about when a place really is filthy, like the underwear situation or whatever. But just y'know, when it's just normally "lived-in" and not showhome spotless? Do people really think that someone's gonna judge them because there was a used coffee mug on the table?
    My ISFJ friend and ESFJ sister would apologise for a mug left on the table as being a mess, they have showroom looking houses, if my house is comfortably tidy but still looks lived in then I don't feel I need to apologise, but when it's a state then I do.

    Being ashamed or embarrassed about being poor... hmm... I think that's pretty tragic actually. When I see that in people, it makes me want to shake my fist at the Protestant Work Ethic.
    Only sometimes, then I kick myself, kick myself a bit more, you know, go all INFP on myself.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  10. #10
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    She did know, Chris, she's been to our place. But anyway, I don't wanna nitpick that situation cos that's just what set me to thinking about it, an illustration of the sorta thing, but as I said, I'm aware it's different cos they're just kids, it's more when adults do it that concerns me.

    Well I dunno, I'm just questioning whether it really IS polite... unless I've got my concept of what manners are supposed to be all about completely arse-upwards...?

    ...I mean, I might apologize if, as a result of my messiness, my guest has to stand around whilst I clear a space for them to sit. But then, I'm not really apologizing for the mess so much, as just for its effect directly on their comfort at the time.
    Wow, she knew? Thats a bit weird then. I don't think I would do that because that would indeed be "rude" to my guest. Anyway, like I said before, it may not really be the polite thing to do but its more for myself than others. I feel bad that I brought someone into my situation more than feel bad that they have to put up with it. Selfish, I know but its the honest truth. (The best kind of truth, don't you know?)

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