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Thread: Excuse the mess

  1. #21
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    What an interesting point of view. I never think of it in terms of their reaction, I just assume that I am at fault for the way they react... Then again I've gone to plenty of peoples' houses who are worse than mind and don't have a problem at all...

    Now I'm wondering why I do that.

    Psst....it's because of your type. trust me, I'm a doctor.
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  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I've had people sincerly ask me "How are you?". It throws me out a little.
    I remember getting very offended when I was in school when people would say that in passing -- because I knew they really didn't care, so it seemed shallow to me. Now I just see it as a polite way to telegraph that you're open/accepting of someone.

    I suppose "I'm sorry about the mess" means "I'm sorry I didn't clean up more for you, you are welcome here."
    True, that is one of the positive explanations of it.

    I've seen it used both in that sense and the more neurotic sense.
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  3. #23
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Well we all know INFP's apologize all the time anyway, for EXISTING, dammit lol
    Well, yeah...

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    But I'm not so much talking about when a place really is filthy, like the underwear situation or whatever. But just y'know, when it's just normally "lived-in" and not showhome spotless? Do people really think that someone's gonna judge them because there was a used coffee mug on the table?
    I wouldn't apologize for that.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Interesting though, the idea of it being one those 'meaningless' phrases. I've actually been coming to a realization though, that though they might be meaningless when I say them sometimes, and other people too... quite often, without my realizing it, a person really does mean it. It's not meaningless to them. ISFJ's...
    For me they are not meaningless. If I say "how are you", I am interested in how you are, but it's a bit different since here we don't really have a culture of small talk. It's usually "hi", "hello", "good morning", stuff like that.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Psst....it's because of your type. trust me, I'm a doctor.
    Then I have no choice but to trust you on that one!

  5. #25
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    well folks, I'd love to sit here and chill all night, shepherding the thread and all, but I've got kids to take ice-skating... so, as you sit and chill, swapping ideas here, spare a thought for me, on my ass. Repeatedly.
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  6. #26
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Gawd, you people have such a distrust of Fe it's scary.

    Maybe the people who say it genuinely feel their home isn't presentable. Maybe they don't want you to see the two bags of trash sitting in the kitchen on the dishes in the sink. It may not be a lot to you and you may not think of it as messy but maybe, just maybe it is to them. Don't automatically assume they're being ingenuine because your home is comparatively a pigsty.

    I don't mind when people say it to me, no biggie. I usually make a joke out of it.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  7. #27
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    My mom always appologieses for the mess, even after she's just cleaned the house

    I'll comment if my home is obviously a mess, but it tends to go more like "Yeah- I've been busy lately!"

    I don't particularly care if others say it, though I sometimes wonder if they're fishing for complements or not
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #28
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Yeah, who cares.
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  9. #29
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    You've had better threads, sub. Much better. *becomes annoyed*

  10. #30
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    I suppose I'll call it traditional Fe niceties. I usually comment about how messy my place is when I invite them in without first cleaning up. Why do I do that? Habit ingrained from my very SJ parents I suppose. My mother always comment on how much stuff I have piled up on desks and such.

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