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  1. #51
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Bella and heart. Hey.

    Yes. Everybody "should" have good parents. But they don't. A hard, cold fact. If one stays in that blaming mode for a lifetime one risks remaining in the victim role forever.

    As Victor so sardonically put it, if one hasn't had good parenting, at some point it behooves one to get their butts into therapy and learn how to reparent one's self. He's right. Not fair, but true.

    To stay in "I'm messed up because of my mom/dad" doesn't achieve the huge amount of personal responsibility it requires to rise above our childhood traumas.

    Anger and blame are a part of the healing and one needs to take care not to get permanently stuck there. At some point, to have a good life, one must let go and move on. It takes time.

    As long as we continue to believe that someone else is the cause of our unhappiness we will remain stuck. Because that robs us of self-control and puts us at the mercy of others' bad behavior.

    A very unfortunate fact of emotional health - We are responsible for creating a life which pleases us. Only we can do that. And we can, despite the obstacles.
    Why is it always assumed that the people responding have not/are not going through therapy? There is a certain Stuart Smalley sanctimoniousness about assuming this.

    Again, some of us spent years blaming ourselves for the reactions we had as children and teens to the insanity around us. For some of us, realizing proper perspective on the situation and its causes was an important part of seperating ourselves from the insanity of the scene.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Putting words in my mouth. I don't believe I directed my statements to anyone on this thread other than clarifications. And I certainly haven't made any assumptions about the amount or lack of therapy anyone has had here.

    It seems as though you are personalizing a lot of this and that's understandable, heart, if you have been a damaged child. But it was really spoken in a general manner, not directly to you.

    I thought we had this problem on another thread and I told you I would say your name if I was directing something to you?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  3. #53
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Default Sardines.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    As Victor so sardonically put it.... He's right. Not fair, but true.
    It's true, I am sardonic and not even fair.

    I push the envelop in one direction because I know it will push back.

    And I am not fair because I know the fair-minded will push back.

    And so while I am not fair, the group is fair.

    So I can afford to be sardonic because we are all packed in here as close as sardines.

    And whoever heard of a sardonic sardine being fair?
    Last edited by Mole; 10-17-2008 at 06:44 PM.

  4. #54
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Putting words in my mouth. I don't believe I directed my statements to anyone on this thread other than clarifications. ...But it was really spoken in a general manner, not directly to you....

    I thought we had this problem on another thread and I told you I would say your name if I was directing something to you?
    I re-read and see the post directed to "heart and Bella." In the other thread the problem was you responding to someone else without quoting them and your response came directly under my own and fit in perfectly with something I said. Not the same thing at all. But we cleared that up and it was fine. This time you've clearly addressed the "It behooves one to get butt into therapy" post to me.

  5. #55
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    My father is an ENTP, works as a consultant. Helps young adults with social handicaps get a chance to get jobs etc. Although he has a penchant for cursing and inventing/fixing/tearing apart mechanical things. He spends all of his free time in the garage building stuff. Literally! Last time I went home he was building a little crane to lift out car engines. His biggest projects have been two 12,5 meter yachts. Built them himself when I was a little kid. F*cking weirdo He's very noisy, but luckily he keeps to his little workshop most of the time.
    My mom is an INFJ, works as an executive in social services. Spends most of her time reading, resting, gardening or speaking on the phone with relatives. Also watches a bunch of english daytime television -_- My parents actually record shit like Heartbeat and Emmerdale farm -_-

    Most of the time I go there my dad will have come in from welding/cursing/smacking things with sledgehammers, and will be sitting with a glass of Newkie brown in his favourite couch, watching bad television along with my mom. Oh. Almost forgot, 9 out of 10 times, my mother will be eating oranges. Don't know why, but she's always doing that while watching stuff. O.o They're both acting like introverts most of the time

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  6. #56
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    And i'm not implying that introverts generally eats a lot of oranges

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  7. #57
    Senior Member Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by file cabinet View Post
    ... what is it like for you?
    My father died 13 years ago and we sold the family home ... so those homecomings are lost forever to me. It used to be nice ... nicer when I was an adult and controlled my comings and goings. A very homey atmosphere and good conversation. My father was an ESFP and excellent converstationalist on many topics. Mother is an ISTJ who runs a tight, organized ship at home. Always lots of good food and beverages. A couple of beers/drinks with my father while comparing war stories (literally) is something that was close to my heart and I still miss it. My father had a wide range of friends and they often stopped by as well.

    Now my mother lives in a duplex about a block from my house ... and we use my house for the family homecomings ... but it is not the same. We're all introverts, so we don't have the desire to invite people outside of our circle, like my extraverted father used to do. The kids are grown and have their own agendas. I often wonder how they feel about homecoming, since they didn't spend too many years at the present place before becoming adults. I imagine there is no real sense of homecoming for them either. There are also familial rifts, so not everybody is invited to the events any more. It's mostly a quick, "get it over with" dinner and everybody goes their separate ways.

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