I hate visiting my parents house, it's more central in the city than my house and it's full of extraverts, noise, argueing, bitter memories, pressure, it's just one long nightmare that I very rarely put myself through.
I miss it sometimes, the smell of my step mothers food cooking mostly. But I don't miss the tension that I feel when my father is there, the "will he acknowledge me or will he dismiss me as usual" feelings that I get, or having to keep a close eye on my purse because of my insane siblings, or having to read between the lines of everything my stepmother is saying to me, or the spiteful games my siblings play to show me how much of an outsider I really am.
I only go rarely because I feel guilted into it, if I could ditch the guilt I wouldn't ever consider stepping foot in that house again.
I arrive at the airport. Sometimes both my mother and father pick me up, but more often it's just my dad who is there. I get home, my mom always has one of my favorite dishes ready. We spend a couple hours just hanging out talking up a storm. Daddy about work, family, other people, etc. Mommy about her latest designs, her garden and plants, health, family friends, other people. I head to my room for a nap. We eat dinner then watch the news. Commentary/jokes. Usually have visitors, where I will rinse and repeat with the latest relevant updates. Spend the rest of the evening lazing about or watching TV.
hoarding time and space
A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I learned something both amusing and disturbing from my husband after a visit to my parents home when I was in my twenties.
He asked me if I were aware that I "revert to about fifteen years old" when we visited them. After that I started to pay attention and noticed that he was right. That was the start of learning how to have an adult relationship with my parents. And, somewhat unfortunately, having to teach them the same in reciprocation.
It was a good thing to learn. Now I am having to learn how to be a good "parent" to my mother.
"No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer