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  1. #21
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I was afraid of being alone for a long time. Childhood stuff.

    And when I finally faced the hard, cold fact that I WAS alone no matter how well I fortified myself with friends and accepted it as matter-of-fact I began the work of releasing my fear.

    And I do also feel a sense of connection with all living things. But the work that needs to be done is mine and mine alone and only I can do it. I don't have to do it by myself, but I alone am responsible for figuring it out and doing it.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #22
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    I am curious. Did any other introvert said

    "That made me feel better to know I wasn't alone".
    to appear less awkward?

  3. #23
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Not to my knowledge AO... but they might've SAID they did later, to cover up for the embarrassing revelation that they *gasp* need people and have feelings too
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  4. #24
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    I feel alone at times of celebration if I'm by myself. Like New Year's Eve or just celebrating a victory by my favorite football team or something like that. But the internet has helped that a little, because I can communicate with people even when they're not physically with me. But back in August, I was with my son at a baseball game watching fireworks after, and I suddenly felt alone there, because I wanted someone else to share it with too. Times like that I'm usually just enjoying the moment, but that time it felt like there was something - someone missing.
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  5. #25
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Not to my knowledge AO... but they might've SAID they did later, to cover up for the embarrassing revelation that they *gasp* need people and have feelings too
    I am sorry, but I do that from time to time.

  6. #26
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I feel alone at times of celebration if I'm by myself. Like New Year's Eve or just celebrating a victory by my favorite football team or something like that. But the internet has helped that a little, because I can communicate with people even when they're not physically with me. But back in August, I was with my son at a baseball game watching fireworks after, and I suddenly felt alone there, because I wanted someone else to share it with too. Times like that I'm usually just enjoying the moment, but that time it felt like there was something - someone missing.
    Yeah, I can relate to that. Christmas is always a bastard for me. I have the kids here, and it's great to watch them open their presents and stuff, but well... maybe cos I grew up in a big family with a big extended family, and Christmas was always super hectic with people crammed like sardines into our house, cousins, aunts, that sorta thing, and a table crammed to the gills with food...

    My family all live a long way away from me, and though I've many friends, they tend to go to THEIR families at Christmas. I can go to my parents' house I guess, but then I have to take the kids and we can't really fit in their house, it's too small... somehow, it feels just like another day if it's just me and the kids at home. Despite the decorations and stuff, once they've opened their gifts it's just another day again... not much point cooking up a banquet for just us three, is there?

    Does make me feel alone... actually in the past I've solved this problem by inviting other people who have no families (or whose families don't like them, like some of the gay people I know) or kids over to join us. But since I've moved to a very small appartment, that's not really feasible any more.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  7. #27
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yeah, I can relate to that. Christmas is always a bastard for me. I have the kids here, and it's great to watch them open their presents and stuff, but well... maybe cos I grew up in a big family with a big extended family, and Christmas was always super hectic with people crammed like sardines into our house, cousins, aunts, that sorta thing, and a table crammed to the gills with food...

    My family all live a long way away from me, and though I've many friends, they tend to go to THEIR families at Christmas. I can go to my parents' house I guess, but then I have to take the kids and we can't really fit in their house, it's too small... somehow, it feels just like another day if it's just me and the kids at home. Despite the decorations and stuff, once they've opened their gifts it's just another day again... not much point cooking up a banquet for just us three, is there?

    Does make me feel alone... actually in the past I've solved this problem by inviting other people who have no families (or whose families don't like them, like some of the gay people I know) or kids over to join us. But since I've moved to a very small appartment, that's not really feasible any more.
    ( watches Sub picking up hobo's for christmas!!)

    XD Nah, I know exactly how this feels. I hate holidays that aren't big and flowering.. when people just "blah." for Easter and the 4th it drives me nuts. My first christmas away from home was this past year, and we had a party with all of my co-workers to celebrate it.. and it felt a bit more empty than I had ever experienced. I guess we get so used to having things a certain way (for me it's been the whole family, a big dinner, presents, christmas shows on TV and playing outside, and then movie during dessert.) that it feels out of place when we have to adjust to a new way of doing things.

    Mayhap you'll just have to get extra-spirited about the whole occasion and everyone else will too, neh? Who cares if you can't eat it all.. Cook whatever you want to eat for christmas. It's Christmas!! Extra food? Give the hobo's plates Christmas spirit is contagious.
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  8. #28
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I often hear people talking about the meaning or purpose of life. I think that humanity has enormous potential to evolve into something spectacular, but it's happening very slowly because people don't recognize that their purpose is to be instrumental in the great work of achieving this evolution. Even taken over a shorter period, within one lifetime, a person's experience of life can be hugely enhanced by achieving some level of enlightenment, the earlier the better. None of it really happens without outside help - from fellow humans. When people refuse to ask me for help, or refuse to let me support them, it's like they're stopping me from doing what I feel is the sole purpose of my existence. I think there's something in the idea that this concept is what's behind why the vast majority of people find, sometimes even despite themselves, that helping others can be hugely gratifying. It's why voluntary charity work tends to be rather addictive, IMO... I've done so much of it and seen so many newbs come in, cynical, jaded, often forced there due to some government unemployment initiative or community service for some crime or other... but before you know it they're asking for more things to do, and saying things like "I can't explain it, it just gives me a buzz to do this stuff!"

    I think at some level, they're realizing their purpose in living...

    Individualism suits a capitalist economy, it's great for 'economic growth' and marketing and stuff... but I don't think it's good for humanity at all; it fosters an ideal of independence, whereas I believe human beings are meant to be interdependent. I think this is why so many people feel that there's something wrong with simply following the promptings of their natural need to inter-rely on others - the individualist propaganda tells them they've 'failed' to reach the ideal if they do that. There's a torsional sorta thing going on there in most people, I think...
    I think that independence and interdependence are extremes. You seem to be looking at opposite ends of a spectrum rather than the spectrum itself, and have aligned yourself with interdependence in such a way that you seem less aware of its pitfalls than you should be.

    At its worst, independence fosters a survival mentality, like that of a person on a deserted island. This mentality is closer to animal than human, which definitely makes it less conducive to personal growth. Interdependence, at its worst, manifests as a sense of entitlement and inability to act unilaterally. Think of people who live on welfare and refuse to find a job (not the ones who can't, the ones who don't try), and of the U.S. Congress.

    My belief is that you should be independent in some aspects, and interdependent in others. I think that a person should define themselves independently, so that they don't forget who they are when interacting with others, or allow those others to redefine them in a way that contradicts their nature. You should (ideally) also be willing to act on your own ideas and beliefs, rather than being bound by what others think or feel is right. However, you should be willing to listen to what others have to say, and evaluate their advice before deciding if it relates to you or not. You should also try to avoid harming others if you can, even helping them if doing so doesn't require you to go too far out of your way. You should also try to be understanding of where others are coming from, and consider their interests when dealing with them.

    The advantages of independence are flexibility and the ability to change course more quickly. The disadvantages are that there's no support, and few opportunities for growth. The advantages of interdependence are a kind of stability created by the web of interrelationships, and an atmosphere that creates more opportunity in general. The disadvantages are that it becomes a lot harder to adapt to things, and that movement only happens with consensus, which can be hard to achieve.

    Is it not obvious that one needs varying degrees of both? I think it might even be necessary to vary the levels of independence and interdependence you manifest, as the dynamics between the situation and your needs change. I don't think there's a lasting right answer to which is better, here. One constantly needs to discard and gain traits from both depending on their circumstances, and should be permitted to do so (within reason).

    Does that make sense?

  9. #29
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    I guess it's that my tiny introvert brain can't fathom it, but I really don't understand the need to identify with each other while suffering.

    I mean, all you get is no solution and two miserable people. How is that worth anything?
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  10. #30
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kuranes View Post

    The son spoke one phrase distinctively, and it was enough to break through to Mel and he woke up !! Can you tell me what that one phrase was ?
    I'l take a facetious stab at this. Was it

    Th-th-th-that's all, folks?"
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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