I have felt the same way, CC.
This world is full of very dull people, and it is agitating.
Say what you want about me in regard to that statement; I'm visiting this thread for CC.
I've solved the problem by immersing myself in my own solitary interests.. reading, writing, exercise, music...
Growing up, you are taught that you need other people to survive, and you do, because you attend schools with many people, and forming a pack is the only way to preserve your sanity.
Once you're out of that and into college, where you can come and go as you please, people become unnecessary.
And the good ones always come along when you're not looking.
So put down your pince-nez and enjoy some time spent with someone that understands you more thoroughly than anyone else ever can: your wonderful self.Yes, I think I know what CC means. And I've felt that way myself before, hence adopting her sentence in a sig quote for the moment.
I also think I know what many of the others meant, too.
( No, I am not trying to outdo Jennifer as a "peacemaker". That would be reaching for the moon. )
A person who wants feedback from others isn't necessarily "needy" or "insecure" and I get tired of seeing that meme. Naturally feedback from someone on your wavelength, or as close to it as possible, is preferrable; and I think that's all she was trying to say, in a kind of venting post.
CC, I think what they're trying to say is... while you're waiting for feedback from those who are closer to your wavelength, it can still be valuable or just fun to get it from others, especially since we are all changing and updating ourselves constantly, anyway.
I'll give you an example of what I mean. I once had a close acquaintance who was a conservative who thought Rush Limbaugh's words were close to modern day gospel. I couldn't stand that part of him, and he knew it, but we didn't always talk about that stuff.
Jon had a quirky sense of humor. I remember one day we were both laughing at how ( in some ways ) we were both "snobs" and kinda proud of it, actually.
We would laugh at silly things like shit motels with signs out front advertising "hourly rates". He was a total "J" but I would chuckle anyway as he said he despised the word "Lounge" to describe a dive we might drive by. He said that he could just imagine the kinds of people he would find there , skulking and lounging about. ( He was making fun of himself a little as he said that, knowing that we had very different worldviews of what constituted proper "relaxation" versus "laziness". ) We both laughed at his take on the lyrics to a song by "Green Day" called "When I Come Around", and mimicked Gen Y versions of Billy Idol-sneering kids saying "When I get around to it", like a guy in a CD store on the phone with his buddies, while also slowly attending to biz at the cash register.
We saw a science fiction movie that he said he didn't care for, because something like that couldn't ever actually happen in our lifetime. I didn't see why that made a difference as far as enjoying it, for what it was. It was admittedly in its own world, but plausible enough given certain basic givens at the start. ( Like enjoying kafka's "Metamorphosis", even though you don't think anyone could ever wake up as a bug, since events proceed from that standpoint fairly logically, or at least poetically. ) He couldn't see it, though. It reminded me of a woman who objected to a quasi-villain's behavior in a movie by saying those things were "wrong"and therefore the movie was "disappointing" or "poorly acted". I'm like "yeah, that's why he's the bad guy in this scene" you know ? He's acting out what the writer intended, not his personal conscience.
Obviously people like this are so far from my wavelength that it's funny. and it was funny. That was part of its charm. That, and a certain politeness or basic hospitality was enough to justify spending the occasional evening out together during some especially dry years, as far as me finding people who were on my wavelength. ( We eventually had a spat when we went on a long trip together, which was probably something I should have foreseen as being a prob, but had hoped otherwise, as we could neither of us afford the trip without sharing expenses. )
Anyway, that's my take on it.
"I need a crowd of people, but I can't face 'em day to day" - Neil Young
"I went to the radio interview, and I ended up alone at the microphone" - NY again.I just wanted to add--It is diversity that makes a strong and versatile group and society.
Progress in this world depends on people being different in significant ways but still managing to stay accepted. Depending on how they are different, this may or may not be easy.
1) of keeping your unique skills sharp,falls on the individual.
2) and being accepted
I don't think anyone will dispute that.
What I dislike is that many people's advice is to conform. This is neither good for the individual, nor the group in the long-run. It may be necessary in the short-run, but in the long-run, it turns the group forcing conformity into an insular group that is very xenophobic, and it turns individuals who strain to conform to hate or leave the community.
"Take responsibility" is good advice. But often the very people who like to say it are simply rationalizing their abdication of responsibility in particular situations.
I think a lot of people were giving advice... But to be frank. Some of you were ranting against "people like her," and calling it advice. Others were making assumptions about how she feels, and basing advice off that, and when she gave clarification (though the hurt tone came through in the clarification), it was responded with well :why did you ask for advice?" I won't name names, because I know where that goes.
Frankly, I believe this community goes through periods of insular behavior. Some who have been subjected this have adjusted, while others have not.
But we need take responsibility in both roles. Both as an individual who has trouble conforming, and as a standing member of a group dealing with someone who doesn't conform.
I am not an outgoing person, but I am rather accepting. I've come to know chess-masters, math geniuses, programming wizards, several school valedictorians, business tycoons, with amazingly brilliant and different ways of thinking in reasonably "pure" form because of my ability to tolerate eccentricity.
When you advise someone to "take responsibility" make sure you are following that advice, too.
Thoughts & Opinions: I've only known a couple of ENFPs in my life, but this seems to be a common problem. ENFPs can be so fun and exciting on the surface that most people are happy to stop there and not dig deeper. It's frustrating to watch.
Advice: When you put so much hope and thought into what a person should be, it becomes easy to not appreciate them for who they are. Are you idealizing what a person should or could be?
Confident people experience these emotions as well... the difference is that insecure people add fear, desperation, and powerlessness to the mix.
One advantage of being an INFP is that we can get away this when we fail to find genuine and mutual connections. With ENFPs I notice an intense pressure to find that connection, and frustration when they are unable to.
i am somewhat of a lone (and only sometimes lonely) wolf, and although i am peculiar, i dont consider myself gifted... effectively, i think it is a choice i make through my behavior rather than a disadvantage forced on me as a result of peculiarity.
i do not think it is that you expect too much of others, but rather that you expect too much of the degree that you will relate to them.
whether someone is a special snowflake trying to find themselves in another, or merely suffering from the self-fulfilling consequences of wishing to be, it is no matter--even the most distinguished individuals have found peace. what is truly one-of-a-kind is our relationship with ourselves, until you reconcile that you are remediating the symptoms, not the sickness.
I am not a non-conformist per, say. But I do believe people tend toward becoming "mobish" when ideas strike a chord.
But the repeated message was "It is your responsibility to fit in." --which it is. At the same time, I saw a lot of "you are a misfit, see the problems you are causing?"
Individuals will personally be be the last judge of what thier own motivations were, and I am certainly not going to argue that any particular person was motivated by a desire to agree with popular opinion and ganging-up on a (temporarily) unpoular member. But I find it hard to believe that so many people would feel the need to post essentially the same thing, with the intent of offering advice.
In this case, the "group" was clearly mobish.
I don't think any individual was thinking "let's make her conform," but people in general felt more free than usual take a posturing stance in thier posts, and I believe part of the reason was because there was a lot of activity with many people saying the samething.
"Yeah, I agree with that, I'll post it too," turns into bashing of a minority opinon into submission which is rather innapropriate in a thread seeking advice, espeacially when it is the advicee holding the minority opinon.
The topic of the thread was also about not fiting in, or feeling different. So in this case, the very advice, "you need to do the work to fit-in," (which is good) along with the dynamic of drowning out a minority opinon, was a message to "conform." (which is not so good)