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  1. #91
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I agree with that; you need to let your light shine.

    I know I was mostly talking about the need to have other people know my talents so that I could feel validated by their use. And when I wasn't in a position in the group to fill any of those roles, I'd feel useless and worthless and unnoticed. Because I was "average" and had nothing "special" about me.

    Once you let go of the need to be special (i.e., gifts being used to stroke the Ego), you can actually use your talents productively (i.e., gifts used as an experience in themselves and/or to meet the needs of others).
    Excellent advice. Really. Please listen to ^ her.
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  2. #92
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    *whispers* Defense mechanism.....
    I wrote this as a defense mechanism? I really think she's an ENFP, and I really think given that she doesn't make people feel safe, welcome and comfortable, and, in fact, does the exact opposite, she should look into this.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  3. #93
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I wrote this as a defense mechanism? I really think she's an ENFP, and I really think given that she doesn't make people feel safe, welcome and comfortable, and, in fact, does the exact opposite, she should look into this.
    Eh? No, I meant, I think she uses it as a defense mechanism. Sorry, I sorta have this habit of thinking people know what I mean out of context. Doh.
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  4. #94
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    I have felt the same way, CC.

    This world is full of very dull people, and it is agitating.

    Say what you want about me in regard to that statement; I'm visiting this thread for CC.

    I've solved the problem by immersing myself in my own solitary interests.. reading, writing, exercise, music...

    Growing up, you are taught that you need other people to survive, and you do, because you attend schools with many people, and forming a pack is the only way to preserve your sanity.

    Once you're out of that and into college, where you can come and go as you please, people become unnecessary.

    And the good ones always come along when you're not looking.

    So put down your pince-nez and enjoy some time spent with someone that understands you more thoroughly than anyone else ever can: your wonderful self.

  5. #95
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Chick, really, we aren't trying to bust you, or rain on your parade, or piss you off, or make you grumpy or anxious. We're not trying to get you down, or keep you down, or anything else. We're trying (or at least I am trying my best) to offer constructive advice so that you can improve your situation.

    What kind of a low-life dumbass would I have to be to knock down a woman already depressed who I don't even know???

    I just want to see you feel betta. And of course, I could tell you what I think you want to hear, but I don't think that's really constructive.

    And being average, I thought that maybe you could take a look at things from my perspective??? Cause I think it's hard to do if you're really bright.

    Hope you are someday ready to take these comments as we meant them and not as you thought we meant them??? Remember that hellfire tertiary Te of ours and jumping to conclusions?

    Oh, yeah, and I still think you should go to the gym to get out your frustration.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  6. #96
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I have felt the same way, CC.

    This world is full of very dull people, and it is agitating.

    Say what you want about me in regard to that statement; I'm visiting this thread for CC.

    I've solved the problem by immersing myself in my own solitary interests.. reading, writing, exercise, music...

    Growing up, you are taught that you need other people to survive, and you do, because you attend schools with many people, and forming a pack is the only way to preserve your sanity.

    Once you're out of that and into college, where you can come and go as you please, people become unnecessary.

    And the good ones always come along when you're not looking.

    So put down your pince-nez and enjoy some time spent with someone that understands you more thoroughly than anyone else ever can: your wonderful self.
    Eh, good points here, too.

    Another idea: Write down your ideas. Get them out on paper. It helps me. Sometimes I even ritualistically/symbolically burn them afterwards, when I've dealt with them. It's like cleansing your mind and heart.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  7. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Chick, really, we aren't trying to bust you, or rain on your parade, or piss you off, or make you grumpy or anxious. We're not trying to get you down, or keep you down, or anything else.
    Well, no, we weren't, but it is kind of an interesting idea...

  8. #98
    Senior Member kuranes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    I have felt the same way, CC.

    This world is full of very dull people, and it is agitating.

    Say what you want about me in regard to that statement; I'm visiting this thread for CC.
    Yes, I think I know what CC means. And I've felt that way myself before, hence adopting her sentence in a sig quote for the moment.

    I also think I know what many of the others meant, too.

    ( No, I am not trying to outdo Jennifer as a "peacemaker". That would be reaching for the moon. )

    A person who wants feedback from others isn't necessarily "needy" or "insecure" and I get tired of seeing that meme. Naturally feedback from someone on your wavelength, or as close to it as possible, is preferrable; and I think that's all she was trying to say, in a kind of venting post.

    CC, I think what they're trying to say is... while you're waiting for feedback from those who are closer to your wavelength, it can still be valuable or just fun to get it from others, especially since we are all changing and updating ourselves constantly, anyway.

    I'll give you an example of what I mean. I once had a close acquaintance who was a conservative who thought Rush Limbaugh's words were close to modern day gospel. I couldn't stand that part of him, and he knew it, but we didn't always talk about that stuff.

    Jon had a quirky sense of humor. I remember one day we were both laughing at how ( in some ways ) we were both "snobs" and kinda proud of it, actually.

    We would laugh at silly things like shit motels with signs out front advertising "hourly rates". He was a total "J" but I would chuckle anyway as he said he despised the word "Lounge" to describe a dive we might drive by. He said that he could just imagine the kinds of people he would find there , skulking and lounging about. ( He was making fun of himself a little as he said that, knowing that we had very different worldviews of what constituted proper "relaxation" versus "laziness". ) We both laughed at his take on the lyrics to a song by "Green Day" called "When I Come Around", and mimicked Gen Y versions of Billy Idol-sneering kids saying "When I get around to it", like a guy in a CD store on the phone with his buddies, while also slowly attending to biz at the cash register.

    We saw a science fiction movie that he said he didn't care for, because something like that couldn't ever actually happen in our lifetime. I didn't see why that made a difference as far as enjoying it, for what it was. It was admittedly in its own world, but plausible enough given certain basic givens at the start. ( Like enjoying kafka's "Metamorphosis", even though you don't think anyone could ever wake up as a bug, since events proceed from that standpoint fairly logically, or at least poetically. ) He couldn't see it, though. It reminded me of a woman who objected to a quasi-villain's behavior in a movie by saying those things were "wrong"and therefore the movie was "disappointing" or "poorly acted". I'm like "yeah, that's why he's the bad guy in this scene" you know ? He's acting out what the writer intended, not his personal conscience.

    Obviously people like this are so far from my wavelength that it's funny. and it was funny. That was part of its charm. That, and a certain politeness or basic hospitality was enough to justify spending the occasional evening out together during some especially dry years, as far as me finding people who were on my wavelength. ( We eventually had a spat when we went on a long trip together, which was probably something I should have foreseen as being a prob, but had hoped otherwise, as we could neither of us afford the trip without sharing expenses. )

    Anyway, that's my take on it.

    "I need a crowd of people, but I can't face 'em day to day" - Neil Young

    "I went to the radio interview, and I ended up alone at the microphone" - NY again.
    "The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
    Reichsfuhrer Herman Goering at the Nuremburg trials.

  9. #99

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    I just wanted to add--It is diversity that makes a strong and versatile group and society.

    Progress in this world depends on people being different in significant ways but still managing to stay accepted. Depending on how they are different, this may or may not be easy.

    Both responsibilities:
    1) of keeping your unique skills sharp,
    2) and being accepted
    falls on the individual.

    I don't think anyone will dispute that.

    What I dislike is that many people's advice is to conform. This is neither good for the individual, nor the group in the long-run. It may be necessary in the short-run, but in the long-run, it turns the group forcing conformity into an insular group that is very xenophobic, and it turns individuals who strain to conform to hate or leave the community.

    "Take responsibility" is good advice. But often the very people who like to say it are simply rationalizing their abdication of responsibility in particular situations.

    I think a lot of people were giving advice... But to be frank. Some of you were ranting against "people like her," and calling it advice. Others were making assumptions about how she feels, and basing advice off that, and when she gave clarification (though the hurt tone came through in the clarification), it was responded with well :why did you ask for advice?" I won't name names, because I know where that goes.

    Frankly, I believe this community goes through periods of insular behavior. Some who have been subjected this have adjusted, while others have not.

    But we need take responsibility in both roles. Both as an individual who has trouble conforming, and as a standing member of a group dealing with someone who doesn't conform.

    I am not an outgoing person, but I am rather accepting. I've come to know chess-masters, math geniuses, programming wizards, several school valedictorians, business tycoons, with amazingly brilliant and different ways of thinking in reasonably "pure" form because of my ability to tolerate eccentricity.

    When you advise someone to "take responsibility" make sure you are following that advice, too.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  10. #100
    Senior Member kuranes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    What I dislike is that many people's advice is to conform. This is neither good for the individual, nor the group in the long-run. It may be necessary in the short-run, but in the long-run, it turns the group forcing conformity into an insular group that is very xenophobic, and it turns individuals who strain to conform to hate or leave the community.

    "Take responsibility" is good advice. But often the very people who like to say it are simply rationalizing their abdication of responsibility in particular situations.

    .................................................. ...............................................

    When you advise someone to "take responsibility" make sure you are following that advice, too.
    Wise words.
    "The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
    Reichsfuhrer Herman Goering at the Nuremburg trials.

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