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  1. #1
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Default Have you changed during your time on the forum?

    Inspired by Night popping by and finding he didn't really relate to his old self. A lot of people here joined during tumultuous times in their lives, or when they were much younger too. And some have just evolved a bit.

    Do you think you've changed? In what ways?
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  2. #2
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    I've been here something like 8 yrs, now. I'd hope I've grown and changed over the course of nearly a decade. Frightening to imagine not.

    I joined just as my health was starting to fall apart in multiple ways. I found a wellspring of support & friends here that helped guide me through a lot of the baggage I had left to process. Therapy IRL helps immensely, too.

    When I joined, I was a bit more inhibited and restrained in my ability to even deeply connect with my emotions. I put up walls to protect myself. Tried to maintain this facade of detached clinicality (wannabe INTP, anyone?).

    I became physically ill, and was trapped living in a highly abusive situation. Isolated. Coming out of that fog, so much of the trauma in my life rushed in, floodgates opened. I let myself feel. I connected with others here, and wanted desperately to reconnect with myself, no matter the cost. There were points in time where I felt so inherently just.. broken. I'd get stuck in it.

    The friends I made here - bonds we've established - directly and indirectly reminded me of my own humanity. Helped me to accept myself. To start healing.

    I stand now and I can't see limits. The world is larger than it was, my reach, my sight farther. I'm so much less afraid. I've definitely grown. So much lighter.

    One thing that remains the same - I'll always be a weird CatLady. In this regard, I just grow more distinctly into myself as the years wear on.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    apparently people say i have, i think i have more tolerance and less sensitive but i'm still pretty sensitive i always will be. but i've learned not to scratch people's eyes out immediatly.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so
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  4. #4
    Don't touch me. Peter Deadpan's Avatar
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    I'm too tired to think and write atm, but I just wanted to say that this forum and the members here helped to pull me out of a critical depression. I've only been here about 2 months, but I am in a completely different place already. This is a great platform for expression, and for the most part there is a strong sense of community and acceptance here. I expect more growth to come.
    dead·pan
    /ˈded,pan/
    adjective: deliberately impassive or expressionless.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  5. #5
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    I've been here for 8,5 years now. Besides the obvious growth due to time, I don't think that I've changed that much. I still agree with a lot that I've written here over the past years.
    But I have gained much insight here and confidence on my personality. That's good.
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  6. #6
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    Who I am and what I believe hasn't changed much, though I haven't been here too long versus some members. I'd say a big difference in how I think of the day-to-day though, has to do with becoming more immersed in the personality type and the functions. I already had this understanding of myself and how I learned, thought of things, all that good stuff, but now I get to attach labels to such processes. It makes things more convenient when talking about my experience to others. How I compare to my earlier self on the forum, hard to say. Perhaps I was more outgoing and excited/cheerful. I was first getting into typology then and had TONS of excitement over it and to meet other people into it, and I was on a mission to make new friends. Now that I've been here a bit, other things grab my attention and now I have that same excitement, but elsewhere.

    Eh ya, I wouldn't say I changed all that much really since first coming here. I'm sure I have in some ways, but my core hasn't. I'm flip flopping here....yes I have, and no I haven't lol
    The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
    -Eleanor Roosevelt
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  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    this october, I'll have been here 10 years... and anyone would change a good bit in 10 years

    I know I've changed a lot over the past 10 years... I joined here as a college kid who had just been through some interesting life situations and was making some very bad decisions. I know that over the years I've come and gone and I've had reasons to do so and I really don't want to get into the details of any of that on here... I've been a pretty crappy person over the years

    I'd like to think that I've found some semblance of stability by this point... and a bit of actual stability as well... I'm in my thirties now and hope that I've learned from a lot of the mistakes I made when younger.

    can't say I really like the kid who joined here at all...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    When I encounter my old posts, I am really surprised at seeing a more playful person who, while processing plenty of hard introspection here, was alongside that also pretty forward with expressions of optimism and positive emotion. Maybe it was some kind of manic defense, but even then it had to have taken effort, because that was not a good time. I hadn't found work out of college yet and not much time had passed since I'd become aware of a series of nasty discoveries about the kind of human being I was and the effect I had on the people around me - which need not be described, because you can just scroll to the bottom of any honest e4 profile. I was a pretty difficult person.

    Where that came from is still here, and I shouldn't ever assume that it's gone away. Something has happened, though. It could be an improvement in emotion regulation, just getting better at emotion repression, or the prioritizing of a number of other things over my feelings. Not sure. Both the lows and the highs are far from the intensity they once had. I also make more of an effort in many things, from actually having goals to showing regard for other people and keeping watch on how self-referential I am being compared to the people around me. Far from ideal at any of those things, but I don't give up.

    When I see my more effusive old posts, I'm not embarrassed - actually, they make me feel better about the past. They're from a person who knew what they wanted to be, even if it didn't run very deep at first.

    I also used to be much less reserved about espousing and expressing my individualism. Today, I'm under-individualistic if anything. Even to begin with, I look back and think that it was more of a self-image than something that was actually a strong trait of mine. I am a less individualistic variant of e4 - core truth, so what? We all deviate somehow.

    For something that hasn't changed much, emotional vocabulary. This post is from my earliest blog in 2013:

    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    Wickedness is a plaque-ish buildup over a lifetime of a little silence here, a little lie there. It gums up your bones slowly. You don't know it's there until one day it counts: you have to speak out against destruction and find that you cannot move your jaw. You can't even stop smiling.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Nope, I'm an incredibly consistent character.
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  10. #10
    Nyarlathotep ESFJ's Avatar
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    I'm my own opposite. It's expressed as a lack of consistency. The formlessness is then a result of stepping back and in a sense, simply being. Definition of any sort I've learned means I'm doing it wrong and therefore being unrepresentative.

    This approach would have definitely horrified me around the time when I first joined this website judging from my decisively excessive tracing and re-tracing of the matter. I made many a trench just from that alone. That response to what troubles me, however, has definitely not faded over the years.
    In that which is night to all things, therein the self-subjugated remains awake; but where all else is awake, that is night for the knower of the self.
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