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  1. #11
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    But though I've been an extravert all my life, I've only been able to get along with people; I only begun to actually have any confidence to socialize within the last 5 years.

    Being an extravert but not Fe dominant can make socializing just as painful, if not more, than for the introvert. Because you NEED it to work more, it hurts a lot more when it doesn't.
    Interesting.

    What does this mean? Prior to the last five years, what were you doing to meet your extroverted needs? Your preference was to enjoy the company of others, yet you did this without confidence? It was uncomfortable for you? What was this like?

    Explain please.

  2. #12
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    I am actually quite outgoing and bubbly and loud around people but I wish that I was an extrovert in the sense that I wish it didn't take everything out of me. I wish that I didn't have to avoid social gatherings soemtimes because I just didn't have the energy to deal with lots of people- but I know that there was fun to be had that I had to miss out on. I just cant have fun or have a good time around lots of people all the time or even really often.

    Also sometimes I feel I wish I was an extrovert in that extroverts seem to like everybody- and even people they don't like people they seem to be able to deal with being around them better and I am so damn picky about people and hate being around people I don't like and just shut down when around them,lol.

    I guess sometimes it feels like life is so much easier for extroverts.
    Me, too. I wish I liked socializing more, and I wish I found people at large more interesting.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Sometimes I wish I wasn't.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  4. #14
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Have you guys ever met really annoying extroverts who are always up in people's faces? Like, REALLY annoying?

    Yeaaaaaaahhh.

    I don't think you want to be like that.

    :P

    Actually, I like being extroverted. What Sub said was true -- being extroverted but NOT being able to meet your own high internally created social/group needs is really hard on you. It's also a 'what came first' thing -- because I'm extraverted I have strong motivation to interact with people or my environment and because I'm extraverted I have the internal push to do so. I guess if I were introverted and I didn't have as strong of a desire it would be a moot point and it wouldn't matter if I had the energy to do so.

    I'm sure it's hard on introverts too when you want to be able to 'be out and about' -- but as stated before that may be more of a social skill thing than an extrovert thing.

    The plus for extroverts is that extroverted *need* is itself motivation to quickly ramp on the social skills.

    Buuuuut, everyone has their limitations and if the other cognitive functions or what not aren't bolstered or the environment isn't conducive to healthy development -- yeah.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #15
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Interesting.

    What does this mean? Prior to the last five years, what were you doing to meet your extroverted needs? Your preference was to enjoy the company of others, yet you did this without confidence? It was uncomfortable for you? What was this like?

    Explain please.
    Simple: I didn't. I lived a miserable and isolated life and was extremely depressed... suicidal at some points.

    Well, actually as a teenager I did socialize. But I sat in the corner and didn't talk. Or... I sat closer to the group to just feel comforted by them being there but still didn't talk.

    Then as well as when I left home, I just didn't socialize. I had my kids, my (extremely controlling and dysfunctional) spouse, and on rare occasions, my immediate family (parents, siblings) in small doses. That was all. That was my life.

    I didn't socialize partly through having nobody to socialize with, partly through not being 'allowed' to find anyone, and partly (probably mostly) through my own lack of confidence in myself, my social skills, and my worth as a person.

    Then I got divorced (with a whole lot of other life changing experiences I won't go into), and figured I had a golden chance most people never get to rewrite the future map of my life. After many painful, failed attempts I just kept on trying. And trying. And trying. And eventually, I got it.

    I still lack confidence pretty badly, but I sorta dare myself. And once I've forced myself to start, it all flows after that.

    But somehow it still never feels like 'enough'. No matter how many people I know, no matter how long I know them or how close I get to them, I never really feel like I have any (or enough) friends. Whenever something happens, I always feel like I'm alone and have to deal with it alone and never ask for help.

    I'm working on that. It's not because there isn't anyone who'd help me, it's just that when I'm vulnerable, I just go back to feeling like I'm a pain and a burden on everyone and can't bring myself to 'pester' anyone.
    Last edited by substitute; 09-13-2008 at 07:54 AM.
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