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Thread: Birthdays

  1. #1
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Default Birthdays

    Today is my mom's birthday. I sent her a big bunch of flowers and some of her favourite chocolates with a big card signed by me and the kids, and phoned her to say hi and stuff.

    My step-dad forgot it. He didn't get her anything, didn't plan anything and in fact, used a pre-bought card that my mom had in the drawer only AFTER she'd pouted at him. Is that lame, or what?

    Then he makes excuses. He doesn't earn much. He works long hours, he forgets things, he's tired and always busy. Lame or what?

    If someone gets me a birthday gift or just calls to say happy birthday, I'm overjoyed. I don't care how cheap it is, it really is the thought that counts. Some people get offended by cheap gifts. Not me.

    What offends me is excuses. My brother never gets me anything for my birthday. If I'm lucky, he calls and tells me he couldn't be arsed, then we just talk about this and that. That doesn't offend me in the slightest. I find it funny and laugh with him; I'm pleased he had the decency to be honest and not insult me with excuses

    What normally happens on your birthdays then? What do you do for other people's birthdays? Do you have a policy, like close family only for gifts, kids only, or something like that? Has anyone ever really offended you on your birthday, or have you offended someone by a breech of birthday etiquette?

    And is my step-dad lame, or what?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
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  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I discourage gifts/fuss for my birthday. I don't go out to celebrate, and for gifts I got a bottle of liquor from my dad and a necklace from my bf this year, and that was enough for me. My mom says she'll get me something when she can afford it but I don't really care. I would be happy if my friends got me a cheap little gift or a card, though they typically don't, and I don't expect them. I'd be unhappy if a friend got me a more expensive present.

    This is why I get annoyed when people expect a big fuss for their birthdays, although I realize that's unfair, most people aren't like that, etc.

    It is lame that your step-dad didn't do anything for his wife's birthday though.

  3. #3
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    My partner and I get each gifts for each other's birthdays. We normally go out to dinner to celebrate with another couple that we hang out with and we do the same for their birthdays.

    The only other people I regularly give birthday gifts to are my sister and the couple we do birthdays with. If we get invited to someone's birthday party then sometimes we'll take along a card or a small gift, depending on how well we know them. Most of our friends don't really make much of a fuss about birthdays.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

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    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    I tend to forget birthdays except for those of my immediate family (even those are touch and go!). My family are aware of my tendencies now so they don't mind so much, and greatly appreciate it when I frantically call them at 10 pm, because even that is an indication of how much I care! They know I am the Queen of Flake. My poor family... My ESFJ sis does get slightly put out, but tries not to show it (she's lovely). I make an effort to remember for the friends who think birthdays are important, usually indicated by them consistently remembering mine! They also know what I'm like and are really understanding.

    I don't mind if people don't remember my birthday, but if they do, it's brilliant! That feeling is actually my motivation for the times I do remember birthdays--thinking about that joy and the fact that I could be bringing that to someone! If only my memory/attention span served well in that regard... :-(

    I don't require gifts at all, but if they do give a gift, it's really the thought that counts, and I find it hard to muster real excitement at the actual contents (unless it's something absolutely brilliant that really hits the mark--like tickets to a petting zoo or something! ). I treat SMSes as gifts (how lame am I) and have some still stored on my phone from years past, even if they only said HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCISKI because the person didn't know how to uncaps their text messages. Those things make me happy.

    Oh.. having said that, I did get slightly upset at my ESTP-love-interest-of-doom when he forgot my birthday. I did mildly chew him out for it, which made me feel much better!

    I don't actually know if I've offended people by forgetting their birthday or disappointed people by not getting a wonderful enough gift, because the people who tend to get offended are also the types who tend not to want to offend you in return by mentioning it... what a conundrum! But yeah, sometimes I have picked up on their disappointment and done my best to make it up another way.

    Your step-dad is lame, but maybe your mum likes that about him. I would loooooove to emotionally torture a crotchety person for not remembering an occasion they totally didn't value. :-)

  5. #5
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    I've forgotten just this year :-
    My sister's, my brother in law's, 2 nephews, no doubt countless aunts uncles and such.

    I did forget my own one year and for about 5 years now I've been trying to convince my father that he's moved his birthday just to confuse me.

    It's quite obvious I relied a little too much on my mother to keep me up to date with who's is next.

    As I consider it, at least I'm fair. I don't mind if people forget mine either.
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  6. #6
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Today is my mom's birthday. I sent her a big bunch of flowers and some of her favourite chocolates with a big card signed by me and the kids, and phoned her to say hi and stuff.

    My step-dad forgot it. He didn't get her anything, didn't plan anything and in fact, used a pre-bought card that my mom had in the drawer only AFTER she'd pouted at him. Is that lame, or what?

    Then he makes excuses. He doesn't earn much. He works long hours, he forgets things, he's tired and always busy. Lame or what?

    If someone gets me a birthday gift or just calls to say happy birthday, I'm overjoyed. I don't care how cheap it is, it really is the thought that counts. Some people get offended by cheap gifts. Not me.

    What offends me is excuses. My brother never gets me anything for my birthday. If I'm lucky, he calls and tells me he couldn't be arsed, then we just talk about this and that. That doesn't offend me in the slightest. I find it funny and laugh with him; I'm pleased he had the decency to be honest and not insult me with excuses

    What normally happens on your birthdays then? What do you do for other people's birthdays? Do you have a policy, like close family only for gifts, kids only, or something like that? Has anyone ever really offended you on your birthday, or have you offended someone by a breech of birthday etiquette?

    And is my step-dad lame, or what?
    Oh Yeah- your step dad is lamey lamington! That would never do!
    Again- where is a rabid Chuck Norris when you need him?!
    Birthdays are a big deal to me. Perhaps because that is really the only time I ever get gifts- special occassions. It is a time where it is as if people have permission to be mushy gushy with me and I with them. On your birthday you are made more of a priority then any other day of the year.

    I tend to have a policy of giving gifts only to those I feel close to- and the closer I am to the person the nicer the gift. I not only give gifts but I spend time with the person and make it all about them. I like to take the birthday friend out on the town and make a whole festive day out of it.

    My mother always made my birthdays really special. We were poor as church mice but she managed to make my birthdays really special and I would get my heart's desire. She would make me feel so important in every way. She would do special things with me like take me to a movie and out to eat and make it exciting and would make over me. She would always get me wonderful presents- I never knew I was poor because of how special special occassions were. I don't know how she did it.

    I have been offended before on my birthday. By my hubby actually,lol. Early in our marriage he just didn't understand how important birthdays were to me and the heirarchy that was involved for me,lol. He would spend the same on me as anyone else- 20 dollars- so there wouldn't be any distinctiive extra special feeling and he would buy me things like earrings and my ears weren't and aren't pierced. Birthdays are just a day for him- they are the biggest day of my life for me,lol. I look forward to them with all my heart.

    Now he is wonderful. Communication is everything. I told him what I needed in order to feel happy on my birthday- and now we make wish lists for each other so that we still won't know what we are getting but we know it is going to be somethng we'll like. To still make for complete surprises- we'll get one thing from the list and then venture out and get something on our own that we think the other would like. We spend 50 dollars on each other which is more then what we spend on anyone else. He also gives me cards with things written in them by him from the heart.

    Basically he makes the card into a love letter. I am one of those people who also on people's b-days- writes a letter in the card really pouring out into words how much I care for the person and when people do that for me - those cards are my biggest treasure. I keep them with me- whenever I feel unloved by the world and am having a horrible day I read those cards and it uplifts me so much.

    I have offended a person before on their b-day as well. A couple who we liked and were still getting to know invited us to celebrate that day with them the wife's b-day. I didn't even know it was her birthday. I didn't have a gift or card and didn't have any gift money left in the budget as I had already spent it all on my BFF whose b-day was coming up. I also had plans made already that I didn't know how long it would take plus they were going to a restaurant to celebrate that makes me sick everytime I eat there so I didn't want to join them for her b-day dinner-I was stupid and didn't explain about the restaurant and I think the couple just felt blown off. I think I made her feel bad and I ACTUALLY LIKE HER, miracles happen I like someone and even more so a female,lol, so later when I had some extra money which was about 3 months after her b-day I sent her a giftcard to Olive Garden with a nice homemade card and made it an UnBirthday gift,lol. A very merry unbirthday to you kind of thing.

    She did something I never would have expected and really nice and invited me to dine with her. I went and had a nice time. I feel like I got to know her better but I don't feel she got to know me better as I was still nervous around her and when I am nervous I am not really myself. I still had a nice time and was touched.

    My b-day is coming up- I am afraid that this will be the saddest birthday I have ever had. Nothing to do with hubby- he'll make it a nice day for me- there are just other things going on that I won't go into.
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
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  7. #7
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    yeah I used to be super lame and forget everyone's, I'm not sure what changed, maybe a side effect of working on my Si and Fe, but these days I always make the effort. I have a sorta policy though that really it's inner circle y'know, that I make the most effort for. Like close family, close friends etc, I make sure I know when it is and have it on my calendar so I know in plenty of time and get them something decent and I don't spare the expense. I don't deliberately TRY to get something expensive, I just look for something that's ideal for them, perfect for what they'd like and then whatever it costs, get that, whether it's five dollars or a hundred. If there are several in close succession (like mom, brother and sister all within 2 weeks of each other), I just budget further in advance. It's not like I don't have all year to scrape something up after all.

    For regular acquaintances that aren't quite close enough to be friends, I'll always get them a card at least, and if possible contact them (or have a message passed on) on the day.

    For more distant relatives or ones I'm just not close to, work colleagues, just people I'm not really 'in' with at all, if I do happen to find out it's their birthday like, today or tomorrow or whatever then I will make the effort to say happy birthday to them on the day, and I might find some way of making them feel special without spending any money like say, if I've got some chocolate that I'm offering around then I'll insist they take a bit extra or only let them have some or something like that. But maybe if it's someone I do like (but just am not close to) then I might nip out and buy a cake or something cos at the very least it's just easy brownie points

    I know how, when it's my birthday, though I'm not offended if people dont' get me anything or don't remember, it does kinda make me feel sad and a bit like, y'know, I'm not important enough to anyone, even if I rationally know that's garbage i can't help feeling a bit dejected. So I don't like the thought of other people feeling like that.

    I dunno, I think perhaps Fe and Si have sorta integrated into my Ne/Ti tendency to just want to make everything better, and allowed me to realize that making people happy and little gestures can go a long way to making things better in a more general sense. *shrug*
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #8
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Calendar? :eek:
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  9. #9
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    Calendar? :eek:


    Yeah, tell me about it. I only started getting them like 4 years ago.
    At least I don't have a diary yet. One of those little pocket ones that some people pull out and start leafing through whenever you ask them if they can like, say, drop this letter in the mailbox on their way to the store hahaha
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  10. #10
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Substitue's next birthday present...

    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

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