I find that for me I like to really get to know another person and them know me. I want to know their inner soul, how they think, what they have experienced, what they have learned about themselves- what they feel they don't know about themselves, I love anything that has to do with self-discovery. I guess it is because of my Ni coupled with Fe- I focus on one thing and know it inside and out- only it is on relationships rather than an idea or project. I want to understand a person and they understand me. I feel closest to a person when they have seen a variety of my layers of thought and feeling- the darkest to the brightest- and I have seen the same of their thoughts and feelings and there is still a mutual love and respect. I am ever changing and evolving and so are others- therefore that makes for an ongoing exchange. I need to feel seen and feel that I can see another person in order to feel closeness- seeing being understanding.
These case scenarios apply only when I am seeking depth and intimacy.
I cannot get close to people in a large group. I feel limited, I also feel like I can't go after the closeness I desire because it takes away from other people-why can't everyone play and be involved kind of thing. If I want to sit next to someone then I end up taking that seat away from another person who may also want to sit next to them as one of many examples. I like to be free from having to worry about all offensive to others that I am not close to contigencies,lol.
Also if I am not as close to other people it feels like I am being an a-hole if I show closeness or interest to one person but not to everyone. It feels like eating in front of a starving person- like I am throwing it in their face that I am not as interested at that time. I don't like being put in a position where I feel I will hurt other people's feelings- I do not wish to hurt others.
Sometimes I don't want to bond with everyone- I can't emotionally handle it sometimes- I can only focus on one or two people, otherwise it is an overload. People take energy away from me- it isn't that I have anything against them - it is just draining- it can tire me out and it can just overload me. Sometimes I can handle it- if I am in a group situation where I want to hear from a group of people and depth isn't sought after so much. I like group discussions, I enjoy them very much actually but not if I am only interested in getting to know one or two people intimately.
There is also a practical element- if you try sharing in a situation with multiple people- other people can't help but want to be included and share as well most of the time, it takes longer to go through conversations and it can also distract and cause sidetracking from the main purpose of the conversation. If you are only interested at that time in getting to know one or two people then you aren't interested in other people at that time and don't want to be put in a position where you feel you are hurting other people and making them feel left out. The you is really me,lol
Perhaps I worry too much what other people think and are feeling but I don't know how to turn it off.