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  1. #1
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Default How do you experience emotional intimacy- what makes you feel close what hinders it?

    I find that for me I like to really get to know another person and them know me. I want to know their inner soul, how they think, what they have experienced, what they have learned about themselves- what they feel they don't know about themselves, I love anything that has to do with self-discovery. I guess it is because of my Ni coupled with Fe- I focus on one thing and know it inside and out- only it is on relationships rather than an idea or project. I want to understand a person and they understand me. I feel closest to a person when they have seen a variety of my layers of thought and feeling- the darkest to the brightest- and I have seen the same of their thoughts and feelings and there is still a mutual love and respect. I am ever changing and evolving and so are others- therefore that makes for an ongoing exchange. I need to feel seen and feel that I can see another person in order to feel closeness- seeing being understanding.

    These case scenarios apply only when I am seeking depth and intimacy.

    I cannot get close to people in a large group. I feel limited, I also feel like I can't go after the closeness I desire because it takes away from other people-why can't everyone play and be involved kind of thing. If I want to sit next to someone then I end up taking that seat away from another person who may also want to sit next to them as one of many examples. I like to be free from having to worry about all offensive to others that I am not close to contigencies,lol.

    Also if I am not as close to other people it feels like I am being an a-hole if I show closeness or interest to one person but not to everyone. It feels like eating in front of a starving person- like I am throwing it in their face that I am not as interested at that time. I don't like being put in a position where I feel I will hurt other people's feelings- I do not wish to hurt others.

    Sometimes I don't want to bond with everyone- I can't emotionally handle it sometimes- I can only focus on one or two people, otherwise it is an overload. People take energy away from me- it isn't that I have anything against them - it is just draining- it can tire me out and it can just overload me. Sometimes I can handle it- if I am in a group situation where I want to hear from a group of people and depth isn't sought after so much. I like group discussions, I enjoy them very much actually but not if I am only interested in getting to know one or two people intimately.

    There is also a practical element- if you try sharing in a situation with multiple people- other people can't help but want to be included and share as well most of the time, it takes longer to go through conversations and it can also distract and cause sidetracking from the main purpose of the conversation. If you are only interested at that time in getting to know one or two people then you aren't interested in other people at that time and don't want to be put in a position where you feel you are hurting other people and making them feel left out. The you is really me,lol

    Perhaps I worry too much what other people think and are feeling but I don't know how to turn it off.
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
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  2. #2
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    This is why type study makes sense. NFs are so...like that, and others like myself aren't in any way. I'm probably more like a machine than like an NF. Emotional intimacy crosses my mind every few months, and I experience it...More occasionally.

  3. #3
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    This is why type study makes sense. NFs are so...like that, and others like myself aren't in any way. I'm probably more like a machine than like an NF. Emotional intimacy crosses my mind every few months, and I experience it...More occasionally.
    How do you enjoy another person's company? What constitutes a meaningful exchange?
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
    Play and Vote July 14th to Aug 14th
    http://www.appsforhealthykids.com/ap...ing-vegetables

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladypinkington View Post
    How do you enjoy another person's company? What constitutes a meaningful exchange?
    I'd classify it as entertainment and/or gaining wisdom. Bounce humor and/or ideas off one another; Engage in fun activites; Work on projects; Help one another.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I find that for me I like to really get to know another person and them know me.
    Agreed. However, it does not need to be achieved through verbal exchange alone (although, I think that would be preferable to me). Sometimes the "getting to know" simply happens by the amount of time spent with the other person (frequency, consistency). It makes me feel close.

    My emotional intimacy with others is only hindered when I am too tired to invest in it or I can feel the other person trying to suck the life out of me.

    Perhaps I worry too much what other people think and are feeling but I don't know how to turn it off.
    Same here.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    I don't like big groups of people, everything gets "scattered" in my opinion.I only talk to people when they are alone because they are less likely to put on a facade or act a certain way they are better chances of them opening up genuinely to you. In groups it's hard to keep my focus one one person, I don't like hurt others of course I include them whenever possible but for some reason in my school they look at me from head to toe as if disgusted and decline the offer. Guess they don't want to be seen around me, I'm not exactly the coolest kid on the block
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  7. #7
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Being real. When people talk about things that put them in a less attractive light or that make them human. I like honesty about things like that--things that make you open and vulnerable.

  8. #8
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    By walking with someone.

    By the meeting of the forehead.

    Holding someone whilst watching a good film/listening to music.

    Complete humility.

    Eye-gazing.

    ...you know. All that Sensy stuff that is actually fierce N in disguise (honest it is. I swear it, I swear! I'm not afeared!).
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    What makes me feel close: shared experience, shared feelings, shared humor, in that order.
    What prevents intimacy: fear of being rejected, fear of being "found out," disguising myself in order to cope with those fears and losing connection to myself, and then to the other, and then fighting this whole thing.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    This is why type study makes sense. NFs are so...like that, and others like myself aren't in any way. I'm probably more like a machine than like an NF. Emotional intimacy crosses my mind every few months, and I experience it...More occasionally.
    Actually, I think this comment makes no sense and confuses what MBTI is all about. "NF" is a descriptive label, not something causal. "NF" doesn't make ladypinkton "like that," as you say, because it doesn't "make" anything. Instead, it's her behavior that makes her "NF." A label itself can't do anything or make people what they are, it's exactly the opposite. This is one of my biggest pet peeves with MBTI proponents, forgetting how you arrived at the temperament label and confusing causality.

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