Oh wait, are we doing factual headlines or theoretical headlines?
I'll make some more theoretical headlines:
Whatever makes post with no emoticons.
BlueWing makes one-line post.
MacGuffin's porn star career a sham.
Nottaprettygal gets cosmetic surgery, voids username agreement.
Haight makes ellipsis with no spaces.
Silently Honest surprisingly deceitful.
Duke of York revealed to be ENTP.
INTP called ESFJ, goes on murderous rampage.
Edahn starts printing press.