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Thread: Mom Quotes

  1. #1
    The Green Jolly Robin H. Array GarrotTheThief's Avatar
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    Default Mom Quotes

    Self explanatory.

    mom: did you see the new cornelian dogwood tree out front?
    me: no
    mom: same name as your sister.
    me: oh.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  2. #2
    Seal Down Array Hard's Avatar
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    5 years ago.

    Mom: Did you know I use sea salt because it contains less sodium?
    Me: *snort* Mom, sea salt does not contain less sodium.
    Mom: Yes it does, it said on the package label!
    Me: Mom, the package was lying, sometimes that stuff happens.
    Mom: I'm sure it wasn't. They must have done something to the salt to make it have less sodium.
    Me: You can't change salt.
    Mom: Oh I'm sure you can, there must be a way.
    Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But...
    Me: NO! Salt is SALT, if you remove sodium, you have deadly chlorine gas!

    20 minutes of discussion later including showing countless things to her.

    Mom: *sigh* I am going to go for a walk.

    Poor sad thing.
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  3. #3
    The Green Jolly Robin H. Array GarrotTheThief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    5 years ago.

    Mom: Did you know I use sea salt because it contains less sodium?
    Me: *snort* Mom, sea salt does not contain less sodium.
    Mom: Yes it does, it said on the package label!
    Me: Mom, the package was lying, sometimes that stuff happens.
    Mom: I'm sure it wasn't. They must have done something to the salt to make it have less sodium.
    Me: You can't change salt.
    Mom: Oh I'm sure you can, there must be a way.
    Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But...
    Me: NO! Salt is SALT, if you remove sodium, you have deadly chlorine gas!

    20 minutes of discussion later including showing countless things to her.

    Mom: *sigh* I am going to go for a walk.

    Poor sad thing.
    "Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But..."

    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.
    Likes Hard, cm81 liked this post

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    Seal Down Array Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GarrotTheThief View Post
    "Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But..."

    That was me actually cutting her off mid sentance, but there were moments where she was sorta stammering in frustration, in particular when I showed her the elemental breakdown of sea salt on wikipedia using the nice visual aid of a piechart.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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    Suave y Fuerte Array BadOctopus's Avatar
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    Me: "Tilly (her dog) is heavier than she looks."
    Mom: "She's the Amazing Hulk."
    Me: "You mean the Incredible Hulk?"
    Mom: "Whatever."

    Mom: "Never trust any establishment that spells 'Cozy' with a K."

    Mom (on Valentine's Day): "Happy Half-Off Chocolate Eve!"
    WOOP WOOP WOOP
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    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Mom, to nextdoor neighbor: "What a lovely dress!"

    Mom, telling Dad about the conversation later: " . . . and she was wearing the most hideous green dress!"
    A cry of defiance, and not of fear,
    A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door, and a word that shall echo for evermore!
    For, borne on the night-wind of the Past, through all our history, to the last,
    In the hour of darkness and peril and need, the people will waken and listen to hear

    -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Mom, to nextdoor neighbor: "What a lovely dress!"

    Mom, telling Dad about the conversation later: " . . . and she was wearing the most hideous green dress!"
    ESFJ?
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  8. #8
    Member Array Aselleus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    5 years ago.

    Mom: Did you know I use sea salt because it contains less sodium?
    Me: *snort* Mom, sea salt does not contain less sodium.
    Mom: Yes it does, it said on the package label!
    Me: Mom, the package was lying, sometimes that stuff happens.
    Mom: I'm sure it wasn't. They must have done something to the salt to make it have less sodium.
    Me: You can't change salt.
    Mom: Oh I'm sure you can, there must be a way.
    Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But...
    Me: NO! Salt is SALT, if you remove sodium, you have deadly chlorine gas!

    20 minutes of discussion later including showing countless things to her.

    Mom: *sigh* I am going to go for a walk.

    Poor sad thing.
    Sea salt has less Iodine.

  9. #9
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Me: So what are the directions again?

    Mom: So you drive down the road to that place, you know, the one with the tree in the front yard, where those people lived, you know, we visited them a few times and they were always nice to your father, he played in your dad's band although I guess you never met him; and then just down the road, and then you turn there and then there is this house down that street, with the driveway where they park their car, it's an old car although we had one like that once that was always in the shop, and... [so on and so on]

    Me: [throws pen]

    [For comparison, my ex-FIL the engineer would have said, "They live at [specific address], you want to drive 0.74 miles down the road, turn left at that stop sign, and they live right beyond the S-bend so be careful on the turn, and they have a brick house with a dark wood garage and drive a 1993 Volvo that is usually parked there.]
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
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    Driving my mom home after a family get-together at my uncle and aunt's place in the country (mom is extremely anxious and doesn't like driving at night, in bad weather, on the highway, etc.):

    *my phone vibrates, I have received a text message*
    ME: I just got a text message, can you read it to me?
    (I wanted to make sure it wasn't my uncle or aunt, telling me I'd forgotten something)
    MOM: It doesn't say anything.
    ME: ... Did I or did I not just get a text message?
    MOM: You did.
    ME: So please read it to me.
    MOM: It doesn't say anything.
    ME: What do you mean it doesn't say anything?
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!
    ME: What do you mean it doesn't say anything?!
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!!
    ME: Did I or did I not get a text message?!
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!
    ME: Oh for fuck's sake, gimme that thing!!
    *grab the phone from her and look at it, despite going 80 km/h on a dimly lit country road*

    It was a couple emojis from my aunt.

    MOM: See, it doesn't say anything!!
    ME: Then tell me it's a smiley face or whatever!! Christ, I feel like I'm in an Abbott and Costello skit! "Who's on first?" "Yes." "Yes what?" "That's the guy." "Who's the guy?" "The guy on first." "I'm asking you!" "And I'm telling you!" "... What's the name of the guy on first?" "No, What's on second." "I'M NOT ASKIN' ABOUT SECOND."
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