me: Hello, what is going on with Easter this year?
mom: I will have it here. It's late this year. Have a lot of snow today? Sick of the stuff here.
me: Not a flake here yet. OK, I don't have [daughter] this year but will probably be bringing my girlfriend to Easter.
mom: All girlfriends welcome
me: Well, I only have the one.
mom: One at a time.
Oof, mom. That wouldn't sting so much if the girlfriend had lasted to Easter.
@Arcana, I told my mom about that butternut squash soup recipe. She bought a ton of butternut squash and she was worried they'd go bad before she could use them all, so I told her she could cut them up, blanch them, and then freeze them to use later.
Mom: That's a really good idea.
Me: I'm full of them.
Mom: You're full of something, that's for sure.
Mom:I should sew your mouth shut.
Me:Alas this would not prevent my eyes from judging you.
Mom:Hmm...no breathing holes, it'll make it easier to put you to sleep.*holds nose*
Mom:Get the paper.
Me:I'm fine, but thank you for thinking of me.
Mom:Shh!! Just go, please.
Me:The lazy, I fear it comes for me next...it's taking my legs from me.
Mom: Argh...I just don't want the neighbors to see me in my pajamas ok?
Me:Well, they are the very axis upon which our lives rotate. *Gets up*
Me:Remember me as I am this very moment when you're writing your will.
Mom:You're getting all of my credit card debt!
Mom:*Raps head* Don't be insensitive!
Mom:I wonder who shoved the stick up your dad's butt today?
Mom:You're right, he was born that way.
"Note that the word “mute” (from Latin mutus and Greek μύειν) is regarded by linguists as an onomatopoeic formation referring not to silence but to a certain fundamental opacity of human being, which likes to show the truth by allowing it to be seen hiding."
- Anne Carson