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Thread: Mom Quotes

  1. #51
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Mom: "Your grandmother showed up to dinner wearing jeggings tonight."
    Me: "Um, what??"
    Mom: "Yep. It was really unfortunate, there was booty everywhere."

    My grandmother is 73 and at least a size 16.



    Me: "So, I'm thinking about getting a cat."
    Mom: "You don't want a cat. You should get a boyfriend."
    Me: "...."
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*

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  2. #52
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    ^I'm on Team Grandma. If she wants to wear jeggings, more power to her.

  3. #53
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    5 years ago.

    Mom: Did you know I use sea salt because it contains less sodium?
    Me: *snort* Mom, sea salt does not contain less sodium.
    Mom: Yes it does, it said on the package label!
    Me: Mom, the package was lying, sometimes that stuff happens.
    Mom: I'm sure it wasn't. They must have done something to the salt to make it have less sodium.
    Me: You can't change salt.
    Mom: Oh I'm sure you can, there must be a way.
    Me: No, you can't, salt is salt and that's how it is.
    Mom: But...
    Me: NO! Salt is SALT, if you remove sodium, you have deadly chlorine gas!

    20 minutes of discussion later including showing countless things to her.

    Mom: *sigh* I am going to go for a walk.

    Poor sad thing.
    Banging my head against a wall on your behalf.

    (suspiciously): ...I thought you were an *organic* chemist? Leave inorganic to us theoreticians...!
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  4. #54
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    ^I'm on Team Grandma. If she wants to wear jeggings, more power to her.

    The thing is, she doesn't actually know what jeggings are... That was the confusing part. She doesn't really go shopping, she just orders the clothes in the same colors from the same catalogs. We were mostly confounded as to where she got them. lol
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*

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  5. #55
    ka-POW labyrinth_perhaps's Avatar
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    Bostonian Italian mother.

    "MAHHLLLY, I'D RATHER BE TALKING TO THE FAHKIN WALL, ARE YOU LISTENEH KID?"
    "OH, SHE'S TRAAAASHY, DON'T BE LIKE THAT YOU'RE A CLASSY YOUNG LADY"
    "OH, I SAW DEBBY DOWN AT MAHKET BASKET, AND SHE GOT THE CUTEST NEW KINDLE"
    "ARE YOU HUNGRY?"
    "*10 mins later* HEYYYY ARE YA HUNGRY?"
    "IF YOU LOVED YA MOTHER YA WOULD HELP ME WITH FACEBOOK"
    "I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES JACK SHIT AROUND THIS HOUSE"
    *little old women cut my mother off* "WHAT A FAHKIN WHORE"

    She's polite to you, but i'm her little shit
    "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
    -Oscar Wilde
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  6. #56
    literally your mother PocketFullOf's Avatar
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    Mom: "Your father couldn't hit the side of the barn if he ran into it face first"
    Me: "what, exactly, is that a metaphor for"
    Mom: "haha, you'll know when you have to take care of a man one day"

    My dad is aloof as fuck but probably the most intelligent person I've known in person.


    Taking a concept to it's logical end is rarely logical or relevant to the subject at hand.
    Johari Nohari
    7w6-3w2-1w9 / sCUA|I| / SER SEI
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  7. #57
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    ^He pees on the seat.

  8. #58
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    I'm trying to think of things slightly amusing and adorable that my mother says. So far all I'm coming up with is her being awful. Like getting genuinely annoyed at me when I was 11 for having the same size boobs as her and her not so gentle way of pointing out my "big tits" (with spite) to people to embarrass me as a teen.

    Oh, here's one exchange:

    (Background, my mum called me thunder thighs for most of my adolescence, I was by no means a big girl, 5'8 and probably hovering around a US8, but I'm a stomper when I walk so she started mocking me.)

    Mum: Hey Thunder Thighs! Stop stomping around the house!
    Me: mum, you're going to give me a complex about my thighs of you keep saying that.
    Mum: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No I'm not.
    Me: actually, you are, please stop.
    Mum: hahaha! A complex! Ahahahaha!

    Incidentally I am SUPER self conscious about my legs and thighs now.

    Thanks mum.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs

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  9. #59

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I'm trying to think of things slightly amusing and adorable that my mother says. So far all I'm coming up with is her being awful. Like getting genuinely annoyed at me when I was 11 for having the same size boobs as her and her not so gentle way of pointing out my "big tits" (with spite) to people to embarrass me as a teen.

    Oh, here's one exchange:

    (Background, my mum called me thunder thighs for most of my adolescence, I was by no means a big girl, 5'8 and probably hovering around a US8, but I'm a stomper when I walk so she started mocking me.)

    Mum: Hey Thunder Thighs! Stop stomping around the house!
    Me: mum, you're going to give me a complex about my thighs of you keep saying that.
    Mum: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No I'm not.
    Me: actually, you are, please stop.
    Mum: hahaha! A complex! Ahahahaha!

    Incidentally I am SUPER self conscious about my legs and thighs now.

    Thanks mum.
    ESTJ?

  10. #60
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    My mum used to tell me : "Don't worry, one man lost, you'll find 10 in return!"

    And it worked, I even found 30 when I lost 1, but... I could never listen to my own sadness for years
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

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