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Thread: Mom Quotes

  1. #201
    Strongly Ambivalent Array Ivy's Avatar
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    I can't remember if I put this one in here before, but it doesn't matter. Two years ago my daughter applied to a study abroad language program through the NSA that would have taken her to Jordan or Morocco to learn Arabic. (She didn't get in so she didn't end up going, but she was pretty excited about it at the time.)

    My mom asked her how long she would be gone, and my daughter answered "six to eight weeks." My mom got this horrified look on her face and exclaimed: "Sixty-eight weeks?!"

    What a crazy old lady she was. Miss you, Mama.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii
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  2. #202
    En fuego Array iwakar's Avatar
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    ESFJ Mother: Do you have clean underwear? I can send you more if you don't have enough.
    ENTP Brother: Mom! Who cares? I'm at war!
    Mother: Are you sure? You have to stay clean. It can't be comfortable with all that sand and heat.
    Brother: It's fine. (battle buddy laughing in the background because he can hear this convo)
    Mother: But what if you're hurt or die and the medic is attending you? Do you want them to see your racing stripes?
    Brother: I really doubt I'll care at that point Mom!!!

    (Update: She sent more underwear anyway. Cuz Mom.)
    "There is no god; there is only us. Savage and fragile."
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  3. #203
    This user is always right Array geedoenfj's Avatar
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    You argue too much..
    What if I went their and find it myself?!
    You lazy people sleeping all day..
    I'm not feeling well..
    *endless medical analysis*
    Clinicians are not capable of doing their jobs..
    I wish I was never married and had children.
    No one listens to me when I say..
    I told you so..
    You're not cautious..
    Work for a cause not for Applause
    Live to express not to Impress


    6w7 > 4w3 > 1w2
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  4. #204
    penis Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    not quotes but my mom mispronouces some things and no matter how many times you correct her she still says

    quinoa as qui-no-wa
    and jaritas as jareds

    she called me today and was like "I'm in cash saver looking for jared's soda" and I'm all like what? "i think i need the lime for sangria"
    "I'm like you know it's pronouced haritas," "oh yes jaritas" (still the j sound)

  5. #205
    Senior Member Array Eskimo2's Avatar
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    Me: Woah... where are we? Why are we in a field in the middle of nowhere? Where ARE we going?

    Mom: To bury your body Eskimo. Just think- if we were to bury you hear no one would probably find you for years- the perfect plan.

    Me: Wha- what? I mean... I do suppose it is a good place to bury a body though. Nice and isolated- especially if you waited until it got a bit darker and then carried me farther into the field like behind those trees or something.

    Mom: Keep talking. I love how helpful you are being with the plan right now.

    Me: Yeah I mean. I have no idea where we are right now so if you were going to kill me now would definitely be a good time for it. Just saying.

    Mom: Honestly we probably wouldnt even need to kill you. Just stop the car and force you out. You would have no idea where you were- no one around for miles- youd probably just get lost and die of natural causes. Could you imagine? I mean just walking and walking and going no where? Especially you- you wouldnt stand a chance. Especially if we- as you said- waited a bit until it got darker.

    Me: Yeah Id have to hitchhike and take my chances maybe- follow the road. But yeah- this- that would pretty much be just asking to be murdered. Its like the perfect set up for a murderer.

    Mom: Yeah, Im thinking that if we wanted you dead- it would just be more merciful to do it quickly like we originally thought.

    Me: Yeah- I agree. I think that would probably be best.

    Mom: You just crack me up eskimo.

  6. #206
    penis Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    me:hi mom i'm at the dealership
    mominterupting)they won't work on it because i'm not there and the car is in my name?
    me:no they couldn't get the key fob open at the key place so they sent me to service it's the only one they're not able to change the battery at the key kiosk. so it's gonna be 26 dollars instead of 5.
    mom:well why can't they get the key open, why can' they change the battery there(keeps asking questions that i would not know the answer to)?
    me:I don't know


    keep in mind before going to the dealership i had 3-4 different people try to open the key fob and right before going i couldn't get the car to start at first because it's a keyless igniton, nor could i unlock or lock my door if it was below 60 degrees because the battery was dying, but after i replaced it i've had none of those problems. the lady where i paid told me that the key i have they do in service because it's the hardest one to open and the easiest one to break once open, and if they break it they have to pay to replace it. those keys are 200 dollars to replace. but i got my breaks and tires checked and everything was good.

  7. #207
    noʎ ɟo ǝʇnɔ ʍoH Array Mademoiselle's Avatar
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    Mom: Get enough sleep, you have dark circels now..
    Me: Yeah, that's just the side effect of *interrupt mom*
    Mom: *doesn't listen to me* You haven't even passed your 20s.
    Me: *rolls eyes*
    Mom: You'll regret not taking care of yourself, if you weren't beautiful you'd been so ugly right now.
    Me: *can't talk because of laughing*
    Mom: seriously, you're ruining yourself, who else could afford all the damage.
    Me: you may know beauty, but you have no idea what's architecture like.
    Mom: .. *is not convinced*
    '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
    ||||||http://data3.whicdn.com/images/38482828/large.jpg||||||
    …Order >> Chaos >> Order
    ————

  8. #208
    penis Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    mom trying to figure out how to get the lyft app on her phone

    "I try to keep up with all these social media things but i don't understand them and i don't know what i'm doing wrong"

    her phone is acting really strange to begin with like the icons to her apps are disappearing. she's in seattle right now so she's gonna get a shuttle to the light rail and take it to the airport then go to sprint and see if they can figure out what's wrong with her phone. i tried to get her to the app store to try uninstalling and reinstalling it cuz she had gotten there before she called but it said it was installed and then i couldn't get her back to the store.

  9. #209
    Crude & outdated Array Anaximander's Avatar
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    Not in my house, you piece of shit.
    Quote Originally Posted by typh0n
    Usually it's the far left or the far right criticizing the establishment, but I don't see why I couldn't be an "an anti-establishment centrist"
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  10. #210
    penis Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    out of the blue

    "I keep having to run to the bathroom, it's almost like diarehea but not completely"

    uh thanks mom.
    by @magpie
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