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Thread: Mom Quotes

  1. #191
    Trick or treat Array Eskimo2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    Me: Oh cool, I love this shirt! I need it. Batman accented by the van gogh's starry night.

    Mom: That is a boys shirt, if you get it you will look like a :whispers: dyke.

    Me: Ah yes, but a dyke with a batman shirt!

    (My new favorite shirt)
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  2. #192
    The Green Jolly Robin H. Array GarrotTheThief's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014


    mom: What am I? moon...what?

    me: moon bean?

    Mom: NO!!!

    me: moon beam?

    mom: No you idiot! I'm moon...glow.

    me: Okay moon glow.

    mom: You called me that yesterday and now you don't even care cause you keep screwing it up you moron.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"

    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  3. #193
    Permabanned Array
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    gfxd Ni


    "I want no more to do with you. My life can be summed up by somethings greater than merely being yet another mother in an overpopulated planet. My immense guilt overrides my sense of responsibility but i don't care."

    - - - Updated - - -


  4. #194
    Fabula rasa Array Kas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    Me: Where is this shop you talked about?
    Mom: It’s next to the jeweller’s shop where I bought these earings [put long description of the earings in here]… but you don’t know where the jeweler’s shop is.

    After my sister gave mother mug with text "Mom knows better"
    Mom: [looking at it critically ] Shouldn't it be "Mom knows best"?
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle

  5. #195
    Fabula rasa Array Kas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    Mom: Hey you know father told me to take suitcase, but I packed my things into this. [showing me handbag – bag bit smaller than one I usually take to job]
    Me: For weekend? (surprised)
    Mom: (pleased) Yes!
    Me: And where do you have… clothes?
    Mom: I have here two blouses, trousers…
    Me: Trousers, you packed into that trousers? (doubtfully)
    Mom: Sure. The second dress, slippers…
    Me: You have there slippers?!
    Mom: Yeah, material ones, I rolled them.
    Me: Sure. You rolled. The slippers. You know in Harry Potter Hermiona had this handbag and it was magical, looked small, but there was more space inside... What else you have there?
    Mom: I’m going to pack sponge bag and book.
    Me: Sponge bag? Uh-huh. Maybe you will pack umbrella too?
    Mom: I already did. Look. [pulling out umbrella which looks as it is the size of the whole handbag itself]
    Me: Okay this is too much for me [laughing, leaving the room]
    “The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." A.C. Doyle

  6. #196
    Trick or treat Array Eskimo2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    Dad quote from conversation yesterday: So you stopped taking one of your meds you said?

    Me: Yep.

    Dad: was it the speed?

    Me: nope, the one for anxiety.

    Dad: you didnt need it anyways. You will have no problem attracting a mate. You are rich, you are white, you come from good stock, you have a brain, and you arent ugly. Thats all that you really need.

    Me: ...Ok dad thanks.

  7. #197
    . Array magpie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    614 sx/so
    ESI Fi


    Mom yells this at parked car in parking lot:

    "Don't pull out, I'm coming!"
    "I don't have a soul like you. The only one I have is the one I stole from you."
    Johari / Nohari
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  8. #198
    Rainy Day Woman Array MDP2525's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    6w5 sx/sp
    ISTp None


    Me: (high school age) I'm going out with friends. I'll be back later.

    Mom: Take a sweater!

    ~I'm looking California, and feeling Minnesota.

    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance
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  9. #199
    Clean Slate Array CitizenErased's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    5w4 sp/sx
    LII Ne


    (ESFJ mother)

    *Mother stands in front of a shop window*
    Mother: All the things here are awful!
    Salesman (standing out of the shop): Hello.
    Mother: Yeah, I'm still not buying anything out of guilt.

    Mother: Let's lay the table! (She keeps sitting where she is)
    Mother: Great! Now let's prepare a salad! (She keeps sitting where she is)
    Mother *a couple dozen more "invitations"*
    Me: Do you realize that "let's" includes you?
    Brother: That's because she's a kindergarten teacher: when she says "let's", she means the kids, not her.
    Me: I love you, bro *fist bump*
    Mother: Okay, I got it! Let's eat!
    Me, brother and father: ... *look at each other*
    Mother: I f*cking used it right this time!
    Mother: Now, let's wash the dishes (she keeps sitting where she is)

    *Found mother on the couch hugging a cushion*
    Me: What's wrong?
    Mother: Poor, poor Lisa Simpson.

    Mother: So, ESFJ. Who else is ESFJ that I know?
    Me and brother: KATARA!!!! (From Avatar, the Legend of Aang)
    Mother: ...
    Mother: Team Avatar couldn't have survived without her *turns and goes away*

    *My ex-boyfriend at home*
    Mother: How are you, SON?
    ESFP boyfriend: Great, MUM!
    Me: I guess we're all family now?
    Mother: Guess so, *insert my full name*

    Mother: Your brother is always playing games on his phone, he's addicted.
    Me: I don't think it's an addiction. Before speaking, you should see what it's all about.
    3 days later... 3:30 a.m...
    Mother: Pssst, pssst, wake up!
    Me: Mmmh?
    Mother: I'm in trouble.
    Me: What happens?
    Mother: ... I'm stuck.
    Me: Stuck where?
    Mother: See, you have four images and you have to find the word that connects all of them. I already wasted all my coins! *shakes phone in the darkness*
    Me: Go to sleep.
    Mother: Ugh *starts walking away*
    Me: Mother, it's "rope", btw
    Mother: See, times like this make me feel proud of you.

    New Year's Eve, asking for a wish for the coming year:

    Mother: ... and I wish you, CitizenErased, to become a normal person, so that you can be happy.
    Me: I'm sorry?
    Mother: I don't know if you noticed it, but you're a weirdo.

    Me: Okay, mother, I'm going out for ice cream with a (male) friend.
    Mother: Mhh.
    Me: What does that mean?
    Mother: I know today's slang. I know what ice cream means.
    Me: Errr... it means ice cream, no slang.
    When I come back...
    INTJ father (oddly loud): Your mother told me you went for... ice cream *look behind him and to the sides*
    Me: AGAIN! It was just ice cream! We played cards in the park!
    Father (whispering): I know, I know, she's making me do this. Pretend you're ashamed and next time say you're going to the library. I'll try to keep her out of Google.
    Mother (ninja appearance): ... aaaaand? How did the... ice cream go?
    Me: Liked it. It was too hard, though.
    Father: *facepalms*
    MBTI: INTP (though I'm PINT-sized) * Ti = Ne > Fi > Ni > Si > Te = Se >>> Fe
    Enneagram: 5w4 - 4w5 - 1w9 sp/sx * 5 > 4 > 1 > 8 > 3 > 6 > 7 > 9 > 2
    Socionics: LII - Ne
    SLOAN: Rc|U|EI
    Holland Code: AIE
    Temperament: Melancholic/Choleric
    House: Slytherin
    Oldham's: Idiosyncratic/Solitary

    Omnis res est se ipsa singularis et per nihil aliud

  10. #200
    Trick or treat Array Eskimo2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    *5 minutes ago*

    Dad: OH yeah, Im sooo good at this game. I hatched a shellder and now I have a cloister? Do either of YOU have a cloister? No? No? I thought not.

    Mom: I hate when youre like this- *dads name*. It makes me not want to play with you if you are going to be a huge dick about it.

    Dad: WHAT?!?!? All I said is I hatched an egg! You are the one who got all funny about it!

    Mom: Well guess what! I hatched a fucking egg too! I hatched the fucking statue of liberty and evolved it into the leaning tower of pisa! So there.

    Me: LOL mom what the fuck are you even talking about. Thats literally the greatest thing youve ever said! Lololol.

    Mom: Yah!!!! And now... And now... Now I have a fucking PISA-chu. Do YOU HAVE A PISA-CHU! No, no. So HAH to both of you.

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