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Thread: Mom Quotes

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array Jaguar's Avatar
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    "Roll it!"
    From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines.
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  2. #12
    Warflower Array Nijntje's Avatar
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    She likes to scream at me "ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS".

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs

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  3. #13
    The Green Jolly Robin H. Array GarrotTheThief's Avatar
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    me: hey fly butt
    mom: i love when you call me fly butt
    me: why. you shouldn't. it's not a term of endearment.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.
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  4. #14
    Human Grumpy Cat Array senza tema's Avatar
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    (watching some politician on TV)

    "Ugh, I don't get why people voted for him. He's so ugly. Have you noticed how most rightwing politicians are ugly???"

  5. #15
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 93JC View Post
    Driving my mom home after a family get-together at my uncle and aunt's place in the country (mom is extremely anxious and doesn't like driving at night, in bad weather, on the highway, etc.):

    *my phone vibrates, I have received a text message*
    ME: I just got a text message, can you read it to me?
    (I wanted to make sure it wasn't my uncle or aunt, telling me I'd forgotten something)
    MOM: It doesn't say anything.
    ME: ... Did I or did I not just get a text message?
    MOM: You did.
    ME: So please read it to me.
    MOM: It doesn't say anything.
    ME: What do you mean it doesn't say anything?
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!
    ME: What do you mean it doesn't say anything?!
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!!
    ME: Did I or did I not get a text message?!
    MOM: It doesn't say anything!
    ME: Oh for fuck's sake, gimme that thing!!
    *grab the phone from her and look at it, despite going 80 km/h on a dimly lit country road*

    It was a couple emojis from my aunt.

    MOM: See, it doesn't say anything!!
    ME: Then tell me it's a smiley face or whatever!! Christ, I feel like I'm in an Abbott and Costello skit! "Who's on first?" "Yes." "Yes what?" "That's the guy." "Who's the guy?" "The guy on first." "I'm asking you!" "And I'm telling you!" "... What's the name of the guy on first?" "No, What's on second." "I'M NOT ASKIN' ABOUT SECOND."
    I almost agree with your Mom here. That's why I never use emoticons.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #16
    Human Grumpy Cat Array senza tema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    She likes to scream at me "ALL MEN ARE BASTARDS".
    Mine has a variation on this. It goes "FUCKING MEN, I TELL YOU."

  7. #17
    Bot Array Alaska's Avatar
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    Mom: [exactly what she's thinking]

    Me: [exactly what I'm thinking]

    I only get more grateful as I get older to have someone this close who thrives on the same level of directness as I do - especially knowing the rest of our immediate family.
    4w5 6w7 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

    RLOAX (don't do it)
    Melancholic Hufflepuff
    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]

  8. #18
    Suave y Fuerte Array BadOctopus's Avatar
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    My mom: [EVERYTHING that she's thinking]
    WOOP WOOP WOOP
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  9. #19
    Strongly Ambivalent Array Ivy's Avatar
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    To my daughter, who is an officer in her school's Gay/Straight Alliance club: "Grace, are there a lot of *gays* at your school?"
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  10. #20

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    To my daughter, who is an officer in her school's Gay/Straight Alliance club: "Grace, are there a lot of *gays* at your school?"
    Forgive me, but the funniness is not readily apparent to me. Whence does it arise?

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