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  1. #41
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    better ways to waste one's time.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.
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  2. #42
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    No.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  3. #43
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Maybe, actually. Though I am 95% certain it would never happen.

    I am picky with people. Always have been, always will be. I do not put energy or effort into others who I do not gain mutual benefit from. Generally speaking, if someone is a racist homophobic, I am not going to take well to that in the slightest. For one, it's irrational and unfounded 99% of the time anyway so it is objectively wrong for them to be that way. With that said, if it is something that they keep to themselves, and is essentially hidden from me in almost all regards, I could be friends with them. Though I suspect it would be difficult for them to be friends with me as I am gay but that's another matter.

    A good example is my ENTJ 6w7 friend. She's very conservative and was an officer in college Republicans on campus here until she graduated this spring. She's one of my best (if not the best) friends I have in this town. I was actually really upset when I learned this about her after getting to know her for a while and forming a bond. The thing is though, she keeps that part of herself and life elsewhere. She never talks about it, never brings it up, never really shows it. There are tiny little blips here and there but that's it. I do the same. I seldom talk about politics with my friends, even the ones whom I share the same opinions with. If she suddenly became vocal about this stuff, our friendship would likely suffer because I don't mix well at all with individuals of differing ideologies that directly oppose mine. It ends up being an out of sight out of mind deal for both of us.

    So, it could be possible. One key though is I would have to be oblivious to this about them at first. If I knew it beforehand I'd likely just avoid them and keep a distance. Individuals who are vocal about opposing ideologies to mine very strongly get under my skin.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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  4. #44
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Yes, and I have been, but I need a break from them because they wear me out. I'll be friends with people who hate whatever categories I fall into as long as they don't try to hurt me. I feel sorry for most people and our pitiful little stupid brains.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)
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  5. #45
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    I am willing to compartimentalize, providing the person is intellectually gifted in some area
    Yes, I tend to do this, every now and then.

    However, if it's anything like what the OP has stated, I just can't do it and that's why I keep my distance from my extended family. It's too suffocating - on a individual basis, it's very easy to tolerate but it's impossible in big groups.
    Night is another candle
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  6. #46
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    I suppose so. I believe education is the cure for both milder and more severe forms of hate. I just saw where I woman who ran a bakery was sued $150,000 by the state for refusing to bake a cake for a lesbian wedding. She had to sell her bakery and all of its assets to pay the state.

    I recently discovered there are over 20 chapters of hate groups in Louisiana alone. I feel the need to somehow reduce that number.
    Ok, eliminating hate groups and educating people are both very good causes imo. I don't know how id handle knowing someone in a hate group, but I highly doubt we'd be buddies.
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  7. #47
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Sometimes we develop relationships out of circumstance rather than choice, in which case, I would say: if you're already obligated to be in this person's life, try to find common ground and just speak up if they start doing something hateful/harmful. I don't think constant moral lectures would work with these sorts of people anyway.

    If we really get down to things, I suspect a lot of people have some abhorrent belief, however well-concealed. I dated a girl who was secretly racist, and about two years in she got comfortable with me and made a few remarks I found shockingly tasteless. I pretended to be sympathetic to fully draw the racism out and make sure I was really hearing what I was hearing, and she just got worse. It was a dealbreaker, to be sure, but I don't think I hate her or anything.
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  8. #48
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    Ok, eliminating hate groups and educating people are both very good causes imo. I don't know how id handle knowing someone in a hate group, but I highly doubt we'd be buddies.
    I am thinking of contacting the Southern Poverty Law Center for advice.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Sometimes we develop relationships out of circumstance rather than choice, in which case, I would say: if you're already obligated to be in this person's life, try to find common ground and just speak up if they start doing something hateful/harmful. I don't think constant moral lectures would work with these sorts of people anyway.

    If we really get down to things, I suspect a lot of people have some abhorrent belief, however well-concealed. I dated a girl who was secretly racist, and about two years in she got comfortable with me and made a few remarks I found shockingly tasteless. I pretended to be sympathetic to fully draw the racism out and make sure I was really hearing what I was hearing, and she just got worse. It was a dealbreaker, to be sure, but I don't think I hate her or anything.
    Moral lectures do not phase my mother.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
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    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
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    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  9. #49
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    Maybe, actually. Though I am 95% certain it would never happen.

    I am picky with people. Always have been, always will be. I do not put energy or effort into others who I do not gain mutual benefit from. Generally speaking, if someone is a racist homophobic, I am not going to take well to that in the slightest. For one, it's irrational and unfounded 99% of the time anyway so it is objectively wrong for them to be that way. With that said, if it is something that they keep to themselves, and is essentially hidden from me in almost all regards, I could be friends with them. Though I suspect it would be difficult for them to be friends with me as I am gay but that's another matter.

    A good example is my ENTJ 6w7 friend. She's very conservative and was an officer in college Republicans on campus here until she graduated this spring. She's one of my best (if not the best) friends I have in this town. I was actually really upset when I learned this about her after getting to know her for a while and forming a bond. The thing is though, she keeps that part of herself and life elsewhere. She never talks about it, never brings it up, never really shows it. There are tiny little blips here and there but that's it. I do the same. I seldom talk about politics with my friends, even the ones whom I share the same opinions with. If she suddenly became vocal about this stuff, our friendship would likely suffer because I don't mix well at all with individuals of differing ideologies that directly oppose mine. It ends up being an out of sight out of mind deal for both of us.

    So, it could be possible. One key though is I would have to be oblivious to this about them at first. If I knew it beforehand I'd likely just avoid them and keep a distance. Individuals who are vocal about opposing ideologies to mine very strongly get under my skin.
    You are a forgiving person. I agree it is difficult to remain with racist homophobes, but as I live in a home and community where that is the majority opinion, I have to suffer many defeats and failures. It makes the victories over hatred all the sweeter, though.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  10. #50
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    I would say 'no' when it comes to racism, but the problem is that over the past few years I realized how extremely common racism is. People I thought were decent, turned out to harbor these negative feelings towards people from another ethnic background. At first I was shocked and I figured it would be best if I minimized all contact I had with these people, but once I found that a huge majority of all people I knew were racist, I knew I wouldn't have much of a social life left if I did that. In the end I guess I could sort of be friendly with someone who's racist, but I'd make sure that they know who they're dealing with. I'm mixed, but if you don't know it or actively look for mixed features, you wouldn't see it. In the last few years I've become more and more open about being mixed and I make sure people are aware of that. In fact, I often even refer to myself as a foreigner (too bad my name gives the impression I could be a pureblood non-foreigner). So I confront people as soon as possible with my ethnicity, so they get a chance to adjust their behavior to it. However, I must say I do have a hard time taking racists seriously.

    Homophobes are more rare in my social circles (thank god). Except for 90% of my family and the people I went to high school with, I don't think I can name anyone who's actually a homophobe. If I would find out someone is homophobic, I would avoid them. Same with pro-lifers (except for, well, the ones who are actually my family) and MRA's.


    One sad part about racism I would like to point out: when I went to college, I rarely met anyone who was a pureblood ethnic minority. There were some, but compared to the number of people from ethnic minorities you can actually find in society, this was nothing. A few Arab girls, some Asians, that's it. When it came to people with mixed ethnicities, I think I only met two people who were visibly mixed. One of them was girl whose dad was an Arab (who was very, VERY vocal about it) and the other one was half African (he was soon nicknamed 'the campus negro'). All the other mixed people on campus didn't look mixed at all, they all looked white. Lots of half Arabs who looked white (including light brown or blond hair and light eyes), blue-eyed people who turned out to have one black parent (and only black looking siblings). It makes me sad, it's as if you can only get somewhere in life with foreign roots as long as you don't look too foreign.
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