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  1. #31
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?

    Yes.

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?


    No. I am in no way insecure about my thoughts and ideas that it would make me second guess my willingness to participate when I wish to, and I also have no expectations when I do so.

    It is also not due to lack of empathy (As I can imagine empathy can be a drive force to prevent you from posting), if anything in these cases it is because of empathy that I post with increased diligence to make my statements as accurate and understandable as possible.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?

    Never anger. I fully understand the limits of interacting on a medium such as a forum and if this envokes a strong reaction, it is one of kindness.

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?

    I am of opinion that withholding ones opinion is never a good idea. The only place where you can go wrong is expecting people to adhere to your opinions. You should never do that. Put your opinions out there and allow the readers to do with those opinions as they please.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?

    Not specifically, but of course it is also true I gravitate towards people I like more than people I don't, or like less. Still, if I have something to say I say it regardless of my opinion about that person.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    I recall two instances only on this forum, there's probably more. I think I'm probably more oblivious to this then I'd like to believe I am.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    If someone wishes not to interact with me, whilest I am interacting with them, I imagine they would stop interacting with me, thus ending the issue. If that is not the case, and I am oblivious to the fact, a more direct request would do it. I am not so conceited as to believe that everyone should be privileged to converse with me and that no one could not possibly have any issues with me whatsoever. I would respect a direct request.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?

    I would know how to handle it, but it's no issue for me. Whilest I understand people may wish to avoid me, I don't have a wish to avoid others myself, as I've stated with the second question.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    I'd be direct about it and leave if the issue persists.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?

    I think it's easier to step away on the forum. In real life there are situations where you have to deal with certain people on a regular basis and reaching a mutual understanding is not only beneficial but a requirement. Whereas on the forum you can essentially coexist next to each other without becoming each others problem, simply by not directly engaging. On a forum there is nothing to force you to interact with certain members.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  2. #32
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    This is a little complicated but thoughts on this? It seems relevant to several things I've seen lately.

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    Yes.

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
    Once I figure out that they rather not talk to me, I try to stay clear and respond to others who are interested in engaging me. I prefer one on one convos anyways, so it doesn't bother me. The public threads however are a nice way to brainstorm together and cherry-pick the ideas you resonate with and want to explore further.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    No...just..anxious, perhaps. Makes me wonder what I did and how I could've prevented it.

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    Nope.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Yes.

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    Yes - but only if they've proven to not take the hint and leave me alone in turn. Even moreso when they go out of their way to quote you and twist your words in an attempt to bait you into the conversation.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    In the past, I've tried staying open to their pov as much as it caused aversion in me in order to gain more understanding in both myself and my own aversion as their pov as to not dismiss it too early. I'm sort of done with that research now and while I still won't dismiss their pov, I feel no longer a need to engage. I'm more live and let live these days while also respecting my own taste and views more. I tend to steer clear now and give short answers. If I feel the topic is worth the aversion and their pov might be challenging yet educational, I'll engage them and try to take responsibility for that action.

    I also try to signal when I've had enough and will be leaving the thread. Those that keep quoting me to come back might get a more...direct and confrontational 'Leave me alone!' This is especially true if there is a history and pattern.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    As long as they leave me alone, I think it goes unnoticed for the most part. Most people seem to pair off anyways in threads and tangents and different explorations of the topic will naturally occur anyways. I honestly feel that it's nobody's business who I do an do not interact with as long as it doesn't create a lot of drama or head aches for everyone involved - iow, when someone keeps pushing and confrontation ensues in the thread.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    I prefer someone politely telling me and preferably why. Even more epic would be if we could flesh it out fully and I could ask follow up questions -potentially resolving the issue altogether, but I tend to try and let people be if I get a vibe that I'm not their cup of tea.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    I prefer being told when I'm intruding upon their space - aka clearly not picking up on them wanting to be left alone by me. I don't like to stay where I'm not wanted.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    They'd get a sarcastic remark about it, plus likely an explanation as to why that cold shoulder is there. As well as an explicit cease and desist request.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    Avoidance and observance to see if there is a pattern there and a way to resolve it. I really rather not have this stuff happen and if I can resolve it in some way, I will. If it is not resolvable, respect each others space and don't antagonise each other. Civil cohabitants at worst, basically.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    It's harder to gauge if it aint in your head due to only having text available - no body language. It's also easier to ignore people and fade into the background, I feel, as well as to walk away as writing can be purging and it gives you a chance to rethink what you've written before you push post. That, and there is no body language to give away how it affected you in the first moment, giving you a chance of a do-over and a more...shall we say, filtered response which can benefit the situation.

    I think people should be allowed to go at their own pace. This is a place dedicated to learning how each type works and respecting their ways. It seems against that intent to demand everyone comply to a certain set standard, instead of actually learning the lesson we're supposedly here to learn.
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  3. #33
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    This is a little complicated but thoughts on this? It seems relevant to several things I've seen lately.

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    Only one and the feeling was mutual.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
    Just the threads he was in. He's banned now so it's a moot point.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    Nope. Nature of the Internet, can't get along with everyone and I'm not so self absorbed that I expect a whole Internet forum to cater to my wishes because of one jackass.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    Nope. People are people and the wonderful thing about the internet is that with a simple click of a "Ignore" button, this person ceases to exist. If only real life were so simple!

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Yes, there has been

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    Yes it did

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    It was situational but by and large they are on my ignore list and I would just ignore them if they didn't start the threads. I avoid threads they start.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    I would be amazed if anyone noticed

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    I haven't gotten that vibe yet, save for the individual mentioned in the first question, and the feeling was mutual

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    Whenever they prefer. I have no preferences.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    If I'm feeling generous I would politely ask them to stop. Otherwise, on to my ignore list they go. There are only a select group of people for whom I truly desire continuous interaction with (no offense to anyone else) and while I find most people on here pleasant, if you're not on my white list then I don't feel any compulsion to throwing you on my ignore list without a moments notice.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    I withdraw from them until the problem has resolved itself. I'd rather be alone than be in a situation like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    As I said earlier, Internet people vanish from existence the moment you add them to an ignore list. Real life people can show up at your home or work place and keep bothering you.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  4. #34
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
    Yes it's happened, and it only dissuaded me to participate when the topic of conversation was entirely under control of that user. In threads where the group as a whole was controlling where the conversation went, I had no qualms about contributing.
    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    It bothered me because I knew he was avoiding engaging with me because he didn't like me, not because I didn't have anything to contribute. I make a point of engaging with anyone who can contribute well, regardless of how I feel about them as a person -- the ones I avoid are the ones who can't put their feelings aside and clutter up discussion with their offended-ness or whatnot.
    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    Yes and oh hell yes. Pretty sure I avoid many more members than avoid me.
    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    I just don't respond to them. I don't quote them, I avoid the threads they've commandeered. If they try to engage me, I either don't respond, or I tell them up front that I won't engage them.
    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    I feel like it would only draw attention if they kept trying to goad me into talking to them, by quoting and/or mentioning me. Otherwise it just means we hang out in different threads. Our circles don't overlap on the forum Venn diagram. Why would that have a negative effect?
    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    If I try to engage them and they ignore me, that's as obvious a sign as saying it up front, but without all the drama. I pick up on it and I leave them alone.
    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    The latter, absolutely. Again, why create unnecessary drama?
    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    I'd be really pissed off at that point, but I'd either rep them or PM them a very direct and concise message -- not rude, but also leaving nothing up for interpretation.
    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    I'm worse at it in real life, because on the forum, you can give yourself time to take a breather for a few hours, calm down, and think about what you want to say. If I was put in a situation like that in real life, where a person would just not stop pestering me, I'd probably snap at them and raise my voice -- still saying something direct and concise, and still trying not to be rude, but I sure as hell wouldn't come across as calm or reasonable.
    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    On the forum, I think people are more free to ignore the people that bother them, without it breaking any social laws. So when people behave badly out of aversion to other forum members, I have less sympathy than I would in real life. Here, it's easy to switch to PM, VM, or other media, to settle things in private. Here, you can give yourself time to calm down between comments (as mentioned above). In real life, that isn't always an option.
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  5. #35
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    I have gotten direct communication saying as much.

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
    At first it dissuaded me from posting in the threads, but over time the emotional tie became less powerful and the intellectual draw of the threads encouraged me to keep posting. I put that person on ignore which helped a lot. There was also a period of time where I dealt with comments that were subtly passive aggressive. I reported and that stopped. I would prefer to let bygones be bygones but the individual does not agree. So now overall I do feel a small degree of frustration with there being trains of thought I cannot engage with but overall it is not problematic.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    Yeah, totally. The emotionality has really faded though. I still don't agree with the person but it's such a small thing in my life. Let it go, let it gooooo, etc. etc.

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    I have a really strong aversion to unresolved conflict, so that's what drives me nuts. I would really appreciate a sort of "soft ignore" and "hard ignore" option choice. Soft ignore being as it currently works, and hard ignore being their posts are completely removed from all threads and their names are shown as "*****" or some equivalent when they are quoted or mentioned.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Sure. Mostly they turn out to be trolls and end up getting banned, but some are just unappealing either in interaction style or in general post content.

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    To some extent, but I find that they're threads I wouldn't want to be in anyway for the most part.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    Ignore and not quote. I just avoid the specific trains of thought they're running. Or sometimes I engage them if I feel the topic is worth engagement. There are some people I'm personally not 110% fond of in terms of their personal views or interaction styles but I can appreciate their different ways of thinking and their contributions that make me see through very different eyes. That's kind of just life. I try to love everyone and wish them the best on a philosophical level and just do my best to keep things distant and polite if our personalities clash.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    Nah, I don't think people really notice for the most part, unless the people involved are obviously not making any effort to conceal. So many mini-interactions go on everywhere all the time.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    I'd prefer for them just not to quote me and engage with me.

    If they felt like they had to tell me to stop, I would be good with a polite and gently note like, "Hey, our interaction isn't making me comfortable. Could we please take a break?" But I think I would have a hard time dealing with a lot of "I don't want to interact with you" notes. That'd be a lot of emotional rejection to deal with. I think I'd probably end up leaving.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    N/a

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    In that case I would probably try to gently let them know what is making me uncomfortable. I can't say I've really ever experienced this though. If it got really bad I would probably ask for moderator intervention to emphasize it being formal but not personal.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    Avoid when possible and be polite when not.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    I think online it's so much easier to ignore that it seems natural to make that protocol. Especially when there is an "ignore" function. I like how online we can construct worlds and options that are "better" than real life. I feel like I have more control here and I feel like I should be able to direct my own experience, but others should have the same rights as well.

  6. #36
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    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    Yes.

    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
    No. I carry on as usual. Doesn't hinder me.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    Didn't care, thought it was stupid, or scratched my head wondering why, then stopped caring.

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    I'm used to stupid people, and I'm used to people not liking me for random reasons, and I'm used to having random BS thrown in my direction, so if I notice it, then I just file it in with the rest of the stupidity that is my life. If I actually do anything to warrant the response I get (doubt that'll happen), then I probably wouldn't even know, as I'm too overwhelmed by the general crap that always finds me.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Yes.

    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    No.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    They cease to exist, I don't quote them or reply to them, and if it's really bad, then I put them on ignore.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    Never had a problem. Life is easier when you don't waste time on things that don't matter.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    I don't generally pick up on someone trying to avoid me, but I easily and quickly get that almost paranoid feeling that someone is mumbling shit behind my back, saying something stupid about me, or setting me up for something. I don't want to be bothered with them asking me to "not talk to them anymore" (which almost always ends up being them fishing for me to do something like kiss their ass, or apologize for something I didn't do, or give them ammunition to validate their BS beliefs/perspective) and would rather them put me on ignore and move on. Life is too short to spend time dwelling on shitty people, and if you think that's who I am, then move along. You shouldn't waste time on me, and I am too worn out in general to want to spend any time bothering with you.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    N/A

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    Usually when I hear comments like that they are way off base and I'm not going out of my way to do anything of the sort. If the comment is actually reflective of what I'm doing, then I'd almost have ignored that comment as well, and would continue to ignore them. I don't respond, I don't acknowledge them, and they don't exist. If the situation gets worse and they start doing things to shit on my life or get in my way or to try to get my attention, then I probably wouldn't handle that well, and may eventually lose it and get angry. Usually it doesn't get that far, as I'm good at making myself scarce. If I eventually get tired of avoiding or ignoring that person, then I'm going to tell them (in the worst way) to fuck off. Some people don't know how to handle rejection or not being liked, so all they do is get in my face, nag me, and annoy me even more. I find this annoying. It's especially relevant, as these are the types of people I tend to ignore or distance myself away from-- the needy, stupid, sensitive types that think everyone should like them, has an obligation to talk to them, and smile at them, and spend their time running through the platitudes, the small talk, and all this other bullshit that I don't want to waste any of my time on. I find them draining, and spend as little time around them as possible.

    I tend to avoid/ignore those types of people, and anyone that likes to make up BS accusations. As soon as someone starts throwing out accusations (even if it's not at me), I start heading in the other direction. I'm almost (almost) hyper-sensitive to being accused of stupid shit, and to the almost guaranteed efforts thereafter to paint me in a corner or cause me to do things or make it look like I'm doing things that make clear how guilty I am.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    I ignore them. They don't exist. It's like they're not even there. If they try to say anything to me (which they don't), then I don't even hear them. Luckily, in most cases where this happens, the other person knows they're a shit (even if they spend the entire time in denial), so they know what time it is. If they keep pushing their way in and annoying me, then it's as I said before.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    In online venues I worry less about said person feeling slighted, then trying to retaliate or incriminate me in some way, but other than that my reaction is the same. Also, on forums when I ignore someone, then they are gone from my life. In a real world scenario, the ignore button doesn't work that way and there this shit will always be.

  7. #37
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    I just wanted to say that if I ever not replay to something someone's said in a thread or using rep, it doesn't mean that I don't like you

    Sometimes even ENFP's have nothing to say.
    this is my reaction reading this thread. haha i'm remembering the reps i forgot to respond to and stuff

    I'M SORRY OKAY!



    really...i personally haven't ever felt that...i'm sure it has been true and just didn't register tho...or i've forgotten about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #38
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    I wonder if we could become engaged, engaged on typology central. But if we did, I just know others would want to join us and become engaged to us as well. We could call this polyengagement.

    I do think though we should raise the bar, and the rule of engagement is a diamond ring. We can wear the diamond ring ourselves or give it to another of the polyengaged.

    There is something sad about this so probably is only suitable for INFPs who can let the sadness seep into them.

    We are so sad as we look at our sparkly diamond ring. But when we have become so disillusioned, we can take our ring and throw it into the sea.

  9. #39
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    On rare and intermittent occasion. It has never dissuaded me from posting in a thread, or replying to that individual. It is thus no hindrance to my interaction with others. Getting this impression from someone else doesn't make me angry. It is more likely to cause me to question (internally, not publicly) the other person's maturity, perspective, and even self-control.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    No. There are members with whom it is rather unpleasant to interact, but I don't let this dissuade me from posting in threads of interest, or from replying directly to them if the conversation warrants. I do not, then, try to avoid anyone, though I might not bother with a thread that has been driven into the ground by one or two problematic posters. This is more a function of how best to spend my time and energy. If the same members post more reasonably elsewhere, I will respond accordingly.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion?
    I doubt I pick up on unstated attempts to avoid me. I prefer a direct request, and will honor it except for any communication I may need to make in my role as a moderator. Anything less is likely to produce no results, not because I'm being ornery, but simply because it probably won't register.

    If anyone gets the impression that I am giving them the cold shoulder, that impression is wrong. That is simply not something I do online. I will specify if I am discontinuing a discussion that is no longer productive. Other than that, if someone expects some reply or contact and I am not providing it, I am probably just busy or preoccupied with something else. It isn't you.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    I will avoid them socially, or when interaction is not necessary, and interact in a civil and professional manner when needed, to accomplish whatever needs to be done. I do not have to avoid people the same way online, since it is a presence I can readily turn off or turn away from, much more easily than from people who are physically present IRL.

    People should recognize that this is an online forum. We have a fair amount of anonymity if we so desire. No one here can hurt us. They won't steal our money, get us fired, badmouth us to our friends, etc. If we don't like what we are seeing or reading, it is simple to skip that post/thread, or logoff altogether. It's all a matter of perspective.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #40
    Assassin from the future Qloshae's Avatar
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    Well, no one is really avoiding me, but I thought this forum was mature, yet two members are causing a huge drama over a single thing I said that has completely diverted my introduction thread from being an introduction thread and it has derailed another introduction thread. Now I am less interested in posting as everything I post seems to be scrutinized by those two posters for something to criticize.
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