User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 42

  1. #21
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them? [/quote]
    No. Not that I noticed.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Yes.

    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    Not really. I can usually compartmentalise.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
    I argued with them initially and when I thought things were getting out of control and the hits were becoming below the belt, I just stopped responding to their posts. The other poster continued to go after me, and after a while, when it was clear they weren't going to give up, I wrote a brief post stating that I no longer wished to engage them. They continued to go after me and I then reported them.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    In above case the avoidance was clear - usually it's more subtle. I'm more concerned about avoiding being drawn into a needless argument, rather than making sure people know when they irritate me.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
    I haven't noticed it. If someone was bothered by me and it was a problem for them, I would rather they told me directly.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
    A soft no is fine. There's no need for harshness as a primary tactic.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    See 2b

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
    Just avoid dealing with that person.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    It's tough. Everything gets hashed out so much more on a forum than IRL. People feel the need to keep debating and are more inclined keep going over and over the details. I do think it can be harder to ignore and I think there are less social pressures that keep people basically agreeable. But that's the nature of forums, I guess. You've just got to find a way to be a grown up and ignore people that bug you.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?

    occasionally.


    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?

    If they don't want to engage me, I put them on Ignore to avoid any mishaps and continue to post.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
    It depends on the reasons they might not want to engage me. If I see them as being a douche, then I'm annoyed; if it's a natural conflict between personality type or background that can't easily be avoided, then I just see it as part of life. People are not required to be friends or to consistently engage.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    Yes.

    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
    Yes --but mainly if they refuse to put me on Ignore and/or continue to respond to my posts that are not directed to them. if they ignore me, then I ignore them and post there.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]

    I usually just try to ignore their posts and/or have them on Ignore. I will also do the short answer thing, to dissuade them. if they continue to respond, I can either becoming transparently P/A or I'll just directly tell them not to talk to me. Usually, if I get P/A, it's because I'm try to be polite and don't want to get into it with them because I'll probably have a number of impolite things to say and don't see the point in going there; it seems like a pointless conflict.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?

    On a large forum where a number of people are interacting with said person, why would anyone notice or care? And are people required to respond to every last poster on a forum? (I find the wording of the last question in this section bothersome; hopefully it was just worded poorly.) This place is not a nuclear family or even an extended family or a church or some other family group. It's just a forum with thousands of members, and people come and go all the time without explanation or warning.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    it depends on the person. Also, how can I possibly know if someone is successfully trying to avoid me, versus just not having any interest in my posts? I wouldn't know, aside from those circumstances where a poster consistently answers everyone else's posts but not mine, whereby I'd assume they probably just had me on Ignore.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    I usually do soft tactics myself and only get direct if the situation demands it.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?

    At that point, I'd be direct... or, if I didn't realize i was coming off that way, I'd tell them that too. Direct, either way, since there is an obvious misunderstanding.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    I only ever hang out with people one-on-one (so I already want to engage them), and I say hi to everyone regardless of whether I want to spend more or less time talking to them one-on-one. There are different tiers of relationship. In a situation where I work with someone, i can still acknowledge their presence even if I don't want to talk to them in a personal way, and the workplace also expects as much from people. On an online forum, with a collection people who just float in and out, there are no such expectations.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?

    See above. This place is more like a food court than a workplace. I'm not expected to be friendly with everyone in a food court; I'm not even expected to recognize them. This place is more like a social meeting ground for many types of people rather than having a cohesive identity of its own centered around a purpose... despite the forum name. Typically groups that demand some loyalty and commitment between members have some standards or hoops to be jumped through to be part of that group, some similarity of intention and interests; but here you just sign up and start posting, and you never have to post anything about typology if you don't care to. It's just a social hub in how it is implemented nowadays.

    I'll be clear that if I don't like someone and they honestly need help and I can help them, I still will; but I don't feel particularly interested in interacting with them otherwise, and if I sense my help will be rebuffed or dismissed, and others are helping them, I will save us both the energy and not bother. I will also occasionally engage just to see if anything has changed.


    There's also issues with solipsist-style posters who take from the forum in general without really giving back; there is no real two-way communication flow, it's all about them reinforcing their own views and dismissing other input. Such posters tend to be ignored by multiple people in the group, much as the human body will build a cyst around an infected area. The behavior is how people protect themselves individually when someone is a negative influence on a group; we distance ourselves or block access to said individual. If enough people do this, then a person can find themselves isolated, but it's not necessarily because a group is trying to be mean, it's a direct outcome of negative interaction style. The specifics are important.
    Last edited by Bellflower; 04-27-2014 at 09:40 AM. Reason: tightened prose
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #23
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,689

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    Just to clarify- the thread referenced in the op (the bolded phrases above) is What socially awkward is not.


    My own response:

    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  4. #24
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,041

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    1a. At times, yes, but I suppose part of it is on my end too. There are certain threads I avoid because I know I'll illicit bad reactions towards those threads, and I just don't want to take away that discussion from others.

    1b. It does illicit reactions like, oh well, just let the people have a discussion.

    1c. Nope.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    If there is, I wouldn't know. I don't seem to post too much per day...so. Again, I know that I have a habit of turning conversations into heated ones a lot of times.

    2a. There are times I avoid trying to add heat into discussions because not everyone is willing to get into such discussions.

    2b. I do maneuver around some people because I know the discussion won't head anywhere because of specific viewpoints, so I'll just let the people talk about whatever.

    2c. Not really, that person gets to continue their discussion.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    Sometimes? Don't think too much about it.

    3a. I would at least like to know how my posting style is affecting those people. I don't mind if there is a PM talking about it, if it makes it easier on them. I have had it at times where people do not participate/not sure how to participate because of the way I talk on forums. So I try to make a note of it if there is a PM stating that my posting may come off as fire, and that it isn't always my intention, or that I try to add smilies or something to relax the post a bit. Sometimes, I just end up verging away from the original topic of the post or go on in a tangent that shouldn't be part of the post. So I try to catch it when I can.

    3b. Sometimes it could be misunderstanding. Someone's idea of having a good time could be an aversion to someone else. I think a blunt way of asking for space shouldn't be too bad. Of course, there is, from time to time, people that complain about other more sensitive people on this forum or the things they do? I'm honestly surprised that I haven't been mentioned on those namedrops yet, lol.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    I'm not as talkative, but when it comes to politics, I do end up causing heated debates and such. I once mentioned how horrible our transit system was in a class, and all the class could talk about before class started was the transit system, its deficiency, its costs, the needs for improvement, the stupid bureaucracies... and I didn't even talk much once the people started talking. All it took was that one sentence with a classmate and the whole class started talking. Professor came in and was like.... you guys are a lot lively today than you guys have ever been.... what happened? O.o

    4a. For one thing, you can usually understand a person's frame of mind by their gestures, or how they talk while in real life. You don't get the same feedback while online, so it is harder to understand if a person is being sarcastic, angry, happy, laughing (even though we have emoticons to use.) It is hard to see if someone is either enjoying the discussion, or just sounding angry/frustrated.

  5. #25
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,371

    Default

    Just use the ignore button and be done with it.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  6. #26
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Just use the ignore button and be done with it.
    This exactly. Especially the spoiler. You're not 'punishing' someone by putting them on ignore.

    Unfortunately, all 'ignore' does is hide the content of one's posts, effectively placing their posts under a spoiler tag. It doesn't hide mentions of or replies to you. As far as I know, it doesn't even take their posts out of your personal 'page count'--that is, if a member on ignore replies to a thread 10 times in a row, then they still take up a whole page. Doesn't help much with my 'shitted up with endless bullshit' problem.

    But it's better than not ignoring, for sure. Less perceived crap from someone = less prone to reply to that person.



    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    This is a little complicated but thoughts on this? It seems relevant to several things I've seen lately.

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    Not wanting to engage me over the course of a specific conversation--if I get the impression that the other person wants to drop it, that's perfectly fine. I respect it.

    I've not gotten a strong impression that someone hasn't wanted me to engage with them (who hasn't engaged with me first, or whatever). But that's my impression--could be wrong. If someone doesn't want me to engage them? See above. It's fine.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
    Sometimes, threads are just shitted up with endless bullshit. Signal to noise ratio becomes too low for me to bother with. If I do post, it's easy enough to just ignore particular replies if I want to. Which I usually do.

    There are frequent flyers who tend to reduce that SNR. I use their involvement as a pretty quick heuristic on whether or not I should get involved, too.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
    I'd want someone to let me know as soon as they feel uncomfortable. Again, I can respect it.


    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    It's unfortunately easier to ignore people on the Internet than in real life. I'd apply the above as much as I can.

  7. #27
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,371

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by garbage View Post
    This exactly. Especially the spoiler. You're not 'punishing' someone by putting them on ignore.

    Unfortunately, all 'ignore' does is hide the content of one's posts, effectively placing their posts under a spoiler tag. It doesn't hide mentions of or replies to you. As far as I know, it doesn't even take their posts out of your personal 'page count'--that is, if a member on ignore replies to a thread 10 times in a row, then they still take up a whole page. Doesn't help much with my 'shitted up with endless bullshit' problem.

    But it's better than not ignoring, for sure. Less perceived crap from someone = less prone to reply to that person.
    Think with the new upgrades quotes no longer show up as notifications.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  8. #28
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,536

    Default

    Members don't want to engage with me?

    How dare they!

    Don't they know that the meaning of my posts are their replies?

    How dare they leave my posts dangling, meaningless, hung out to dry!

    Do they have a philosophic problem in that they don't believe their replies are the meaning of my posts?

    For not only are we meaning creating animals but we are also intersubjective animals. Hey, hey...... that means we share meanings.

    So don't hoard your meanings to yourself, for meanings hoarded are meanings halved, but meanings shared are meanings doubled.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Snoopy22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9w1 so/sp
    Socionics
    INTp
    Posts
    359

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them? – No.

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself? – Anyone I have decided not to reply to is on my ignore list, they are nonentities. Not due too dislike, because I consider communication with them a waste of time.

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in? – No. I reply to the creator of the thread, seldom to posters on the thread.

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.] – This sounds like a plot to Glee, too much drama.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)? – Draws no attention.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.] – No and No.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take? – Perhaps someone this fragile should refrain from internet forums.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc? –
    As per Webster’s
    aversion
    n.
    Syn. antipathy, dislike, repugnance, abhorrence, hatred, loathing, revulsion, antagonism, hostility, distaste, disinclination, reluctance, disrelish, disgust, detestation, abomination, horror, allergy*; see also HATRED 1, OBJECTION 1.
    Syn.- AVERSION and ANTIPATHY both imply an ingrained feeling against that which is disagreeable or offensive, AVERSION stressing avoidance or rejection, and ANTIPATHY, active hostility; REPUGNANCE emphasizes the emotional resistance or opposition one offers to that which is incompatible with one's ideas, tastes, etc.; LOATHING suggests a feeling of extreme disgust or intolerance; REVULSION suggests a drawing back or away from in disgust, horror, etc.; ABHORRENCE implies a feeling of extreme aversion or repugnance

    The best person to have an aversion to is the person who has aversions. The above is a sad way to lead a life.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works? – Life is messy, adults handle it.

  10. #30
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    NeFi
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Posts
    1,573

    Default

    I just wanted to say that if I ever not replay to something someone's said in a thread or using rep, it doesn't mean that I don't like you

    Sometimes even ENFP's have nothing to say.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] When You Don't Want To Believe Your Intuition
    By Betty Blue in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 06-12-2010, 11:57 AM
  2. [INFP] INFPs why do I want 2b ur BFF but don't want to date you? (ENFP ponders the paradox.)
    By Esoteric Wench in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 05-26-2010, 07:09 AM
  3. I don't want to end up with a guy who's just like my dad...
    By Queen Kat in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-06-2010, 08:30 PM
  4. Need to change, don't want to change.
    By prplchknz in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-28-2007, 10:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO