User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 42

  1. #11
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    yupp
    Posts
    29,776

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post

    I think it's natural that some people hitch and some don't and I don't feel that there is anything wrong with that. I dislike it when there is public attention brought to the fact that I am choosing not to interact with certain people, although I don't generally mind engaging privately about it. I don't really feel strong alliances with anyone here, and yend to avoid threads where there is a very strong group of people who hang out together regularly because I don't wish to crash their party or be a nuisance. I am more likely to avoid engaging if I feel strong disagreement with someone and don't think anything useful can come of discussing our differences, because it requires emotional energy that I don't always wish to use in that manner when it may be needed more in my real life. My time here is spent in little bits, and I'd prefer to either be learning something new, have positive exchanges, keep up a few old acquaintances, or understand something I didn't before than work out conflict with people whom I am unlikely to make major players in my life, especially when I do not have a lot of leisure time at my disposal.
    just to let you know if it appears i'm doing anything like that, I love others to join, as long as they aren't dicks.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #12
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,839

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    I've only got the impression that INTPs in general do not want to engage me.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  3. #13
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    1,518

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them? Yes

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people? It typically dissuades me from talking to them in general - though when I do, I feel worse when I don't get a response back. (I'm quite a sensitive chick.)

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction? Doesn't make me angry, but rather depressed.

    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share? Nah - I think I've just about covered what I feel about it.

    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself? Not really.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.] Just be direct with me. I won't understand simply by cues, especially as it's online (and therefore more difficult for me to tell whether you're avoiding me or just busy).

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take? It's their choice. I'll understand either way.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that? I don't know - maybe I'd try to be a little more firm in my response?

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc? If (and only if) it's strong enough to give me a headache (which is almost never the case), I would excuse myself from the entire group and stay by myself. I'm not going to be rude and mention it directly to that person in front of the group; it would be a different story if that person and I were alone, however.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works? I don't know. I think we should just be honest with those whom we feel any aversion towards, whether it's online or offline.
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

    MY BLOGS: https://freestylelines.blogspot.com/, https://tfthdiary.blogspot.com/
    TWITTER: https://twitter.com/angel_ss1
    TUMBLR: http://angelight1.tumblr.com/


  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Posts
    282

    Default

    Members That Don't Want To Engage With You?

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    I never even considered that, maybe I ought to spend the evening reflecting upon my comments.

    Edit: Man was I blind or what?
    Last edited by OrderOfTheCaelifera; 05-09-2014 at 11:20 PM.

  5. #15
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    I am finding the third question to be the most pertinent. The first one seems slightly paranoid, the second could be fixed simply by pin pointing the reason and then a. discussing with them personally, or b. simply going about your business until question three arises, if it does. The third is paranoid like the first, but the caveat allows us to answer with a form of direct communication making it more reasonable.

    I have felt, at times, overlooked, but I am sure of the reasons and they do not bother me.

  6. #16
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    Long as fuck.


    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  7. #17
    Society
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    This is a little complicated but thoughts on this? It seems relevant to several things I've seen lately.


    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?
    yep.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)?

    yes and no - it probably makes me less comfortable to post it the thread and contributes to a sense of hostility - but that just means i will post there out of a point of view of discomfort and the expectations of hostility.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads?

    not really, its the equivalent of someone running into a crowd while screaming off the top of their lungs "don't you dare look at me!" <- it's dumb and draws attention to itself, and my attention with it, and i am naturally more inclined to replay to something that further captures my attention.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?

    i view it as a mixed blessing, it isn't the best social practice in terms of forging connections, but it's also liberating - with me not being quite in an agreement with anyone else's sense of entitlement to deserve so much better then they give - i consider the pretense of someone's lack of existence to be the the most blunt form of disrespect, and in turn feel no responsibility to respect them, and thus not seen any problem in using them as exhibit's - which is a natural result of willingly providing ample of opportunity for those to demonstrate any claims i might have about them just after i say it - sometimes even with a gap of a single post, and naturally those topics come up, because whenever there's a communication problem in a discussion you'll usually end up having a meta discussions about it, and.. well, it doesn't really get more destructive to communication then that.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
    yes - though thankfully i haven't gotten it myself yet - i have heard about the "require people to put someone else on their ignore list" policy, i don't know if its new in general or something i just heard about, but either way i think it should be disposed of, or at least limited to the protection users who are under 18 and can't take basic adult responsibility for themselves. i get the practical idea of separating people to stop the immediate confrontation - but in the long term you just end up with a political discussion where one user watches nothing but MSNBC and another watches nothing but fox news - it isn't healthy for dialogue in the smaller conflicts here any more then it is to the larger conflicts there. people have the right to be willingly ignorant asses, but please don't make it a typoC requirement.

    also, everything i said in my rant earlier.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
    not really. sometimes i will take a cool down period for myself, if i ever reach the point that deleting "you bloody idiot" no longer carries the intended meaning of the post. or alternatively, if i get the sense that the other needs to cool down, which is easy - for the most part posts are not chat, they do not carry the same sense of immediacy. only once where that cool down lasted so long that it didn't feel worth posting by thee time it was over.



    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    i can get a sense of someone not liking me or not enjoying the conversation, but i don't naturally assume it means they don't want to talk (it doesn't for me anyway).

    if the mods want me to stay away from responding to content someone decided to make public in the same public conversation i'm in based on who it came from, then yes - a warning from the mods is required, for the same reason i'd need someone to shove a gun in my head before i'd consider the merit of honor killing - its not something i agree i should do (as i explained), so i would naturally need to be coerced to do it - such as a situation where i have to weigh it against something else (like my participation in the forum in general).

    that's being said, someone giving me the cold shoulder or needing space is something i don't have much of a problem with, it isn't quite the same as someone making the active decision to shove their head up their ass.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?

    in real life people have a much harder time ignoring others without making complete fools of themselves, so they usually either gravitate away from the same conversations and social scenes or they buckle down and resolve their issues or stomach them. the world is full of opinions and thoughts we disagree with, the average adult is capable of emotionally dealing with that fact of life before becoming one. its only a problem online because mechanics have enabled it to be a viable solution.

  8. #18
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,526

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    its the equivalent of someone running into a crowd while screaming off the top of their lungs "don't you dare look at me!" <- it's dumb and draws attention to itself
    Yes, I was recently told don't quote me. This seemed a little odd as their post has Reply with Quote at the bottom.

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    1. Have you ever gotten the impression from another member that they don’t want you to engage them?

    Yes.

    [If yes:]
    1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)? Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads? How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?


    Didn't prevent me from posting in threads. I didn't bother to reply or quote them, but I didn't do it that much to begin with.
    I didn't find it a big hindrance.

    1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?

    No.


    2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?

    Yes.

    [If yes:]
    2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?


    Yes, because they made "beat a dead horse" threads that I would've avoided anyway. If they simply posted in a thread not meant to be inflammatory, then I did not avoid it. This is usually after I've already fell for the dead horse topic a few times

    2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]

    I stopped quoting them or acknowledging them. I sometimes blocked them (and found threads to flow seamlessly without their posts showing :P). I've never had to ask someone on this board not to engage me, but I have elsewhere. It takes a lot to get to that point.

    I can argue with people & not hold grudges or dislike them, & contrary to popular belief about INFPs, my feelings are not hurt easily in a deep way. So it's pretty rare I will consciously disengage & avoid someone.

    2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident? Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?

    I don't consider myself that significant so as to have my actions noticed in that way. I admit I'm rather oblivious to group dynamics unless very obvious.

    3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]

    I wouldn't pick up on it unless extremely obvious. I guess if I quoted or mentioned someone a lot & saw zero response ever, then it would sink in. I might expect a de-friending also, but then I don't keep track of that either.
    I think if someone avoided me enough, then I'd naturally just fall into not interacting with them either. I don't think I'm aggressive enough that I need someone to verbally set boundaries in that way.

    3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?

    This is the kind of conflict I avoid. I can do debates, but interpersonal conflict that amounts to "I dislike you as a person & don't want any semblance of friendship, much less interaction" is the kind of rejection that will feel harsh to me. So I'd prefer being ignored or a "soft no" if it must be done.

    3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?

    IDK, I've found ignoring people usually works. On another forum, I contacted a mod once after directly telling someone to not engage me again, and that did the trick.

    4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?

    Ignore & avoid as much as possible. I've found almost all confrontations to be futile. Nothing is solved, and avoidance & ignoring still has to continue. I think confrontation sometimes makes me feel better, just to acknowledge the issue, but other times it open a can of worms that makes it worse.

    4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
    I think it's waaaay easier to ignore people, but also waaaay easier to be reactionary, if that makes any sense.
    I don't think people should have to ignore aversions, as in, ignore how they feel about someone, but they don't have to make it some big drama. If someone isn't harassing you, then you likely don't need some dramatic confrontation to avoid interaction in the future.

    I know I've successfully exited a heated thread where I was central to an argument & it kept on going, and I managed to not re-enter it. So it's possible to just disengage & let stuff cool off. Occasionally people can note they're done with a topic, and that may enough to prevent scuffles.

    I do have to say this makes me paranoid people may be trying to avoid me & I'm not getting the hint
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post

    I do have to say this makes me paranoid people may be trying to avoid me & I'm not getting the hint
    That's exactly how I felt half way through my response lol
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] When You Don't Want To Believe Your Intuition
    By Betty Blue in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 06-12-2010, 11:57 AM
  2. [INFP] INFPs why do I want 2b ur BFF but don't want to date you? (ENFP ponders the paradox.)
    By Esoteric Wench in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 05-26-2010, 07:09 AM
  3. I don't want to end up with a guy who's just like my dad...
    By Queen Kat in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-06-2010, 08:30 PM
  4. Need to change, don't want to change.
    By prplchknz in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-28-2007, 10:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO