Originally Posted by highlander
Sure have. But I'm a 6. I'm pretty subconsciously paranoid about this stuff...
1a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads (assuming you know several other people participating in the thread who are engaging you)?
Only from the person I blocked. But if others engaged with me, I would post.
Or did it dissuade you from replying more specifically to that individual, but not especially from threads?
Yea, more of this probably. I just try not to interact with people that I think are going to misunderstand me on purpose.
How much, overall, do you feel it hinders your ability to participate with other people?
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest feeling of hindrance: Like a 3. And that's pushing it.
1b. Did it make you angry? Or did it evoke any other strong reaction?
I have not really gotten angry much here. Although, I am not really good at reading my own internal scale of emotions either...
1c. Any other thoughts/grievances you want to share?
I think I actually have a fear that I do this to other people, more than they do it to me. I just always want more feedback. Like I wanna know if I'm hurting someone's feelings, cause it's usually not intentional.
2. Have there ever been any members you avoid engaging/interacting with yourself?
2a. Did it dissuade you from posting in threads they'd become involved in?
Not really. That's very rare.
2b. How did you maneuver around them while trying to avoid them? [Did you directly ask them not to engage you as soon as you felt an aversion? Did you avoid quoting them and give short answers when they quoted you? Did you wait until the aversion was really strong (i.e. did you try ignoring/avoiding your own aversion before trying to avoid the person)? Etc.]
I will only play the "State your intentions game" for so long. Then I tell the person to stop talking to me.
2c. Do you think it draws much attention when you try to steer clear of someone, or does it seem to pass without incident?
Does it occur to you to consider about how much other people notice when we personally steer clear of someone (and the effect that might have)?
Not really at all. I would need them to tell me they think there's a problem. I will not assume anything like that. Cause I don't want to look like a paranoid idiot. Or a narcissist.
3. Do you feel like you generally pick up on someone else trying to avoid you, or would you prefer to be directly asked not to engage someone and to not have to rely at all on body language/cues of disinterest/aversion? [In thinking of this thread.]
I would prefer it not be assumed by cues. I would like a flat out statement. Even if it's in a rep. I will willingly stop posting to that person then.
3a. If you personally prefer the person contact you with a direct request to avoid interacting with you- when? As soon as they feel any aversion? or would you prefer the ‘soft no’ tactics first, then a direct request if that doesn't take?
You could try a soft no. If it doesn't work, and I keep up my shenanigans then I need that person to be more direct.
3b. Suppose someone noticed you were backing away enough to actually state something like “Wow, I’m getting the cold shoulder from you”- and yet they didn’t take this as an indication they should give you some space, and kept persisting to interact regardless. (As happened in the article in that thread.) Would you know how to handle that?
I'm sorry...what article?
And if someone just kept quoting or rep'ing me, and I thought giving them the cold shoulder should have sufficed....but they keep interacting with me...I would just tell them straight out "stop talking to me." I have never had to do this though, I would have to be really angry to do that. My sp kicks in very
quickly. I don't like to feel threatened and that would feel threatening to me.
4. How do you handle such situations (of feeling an aversion so some individual in the group) in real life- such as work environment (e.g. I don’t know, break room maybe), regular places you hang out, school, etc?
I ignore the fuck out of them. They don't rule me. I do.
That is, unless this person was my friend. I mean...this is really hard to answer. Cause I don't have anyone that I feel threatened by like that. Most of my coworkers are my friends. I would just prolly nod or whatever I have to do to get out of the uncomfortable situation, if the behavior continues I confront them. I will say "I'm feeling this way...what can I do to make our interactions more win win." Or something like that.
4a. In your opinion, how is this situation different in an online forum than in real life venues? Do you think that generally people should feel more or less obligated to ignore any aversion they feel towards another person because of the way this forum works?
Eh, I think that it's way easier to ignore on the internet. The screen is a buffer.
Again, this is only if I feel aversion or threatened.
If I like the person I will try to make an effort to work something out. That's on here, and irl.