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  1. #11
    LadyLazarus
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    Don't know if I agree with this. You think about it, I'd guess, because you're unhealthy and out of touch with yourself and this is an inefficient way of reaffirming for yourself who you are / who you could be. Intellectualizing like this won't help; you're not just a mind, and this isn't theoretical.

    I am sure there is much in you to be salvaged, and I hope you get there.
    I'm not saying that I think about it to reaffirm myself or because I'm out of touch with myself(that has never been a problem for me), I think about it because none of them are a perfect fit. I used to obsess over trying to bend the types to fit me, not bending myself to fit the types, until I came to terms with the fact that none of the types will ever be an exact, perfect fit. I'm not telling him to intellectualize it at all, it's quite obvious that wouldn't help, my advice is in my last two sentences(stanzas, whatever). This is written about what I used to do, I am fully aware it is not an intellectual matter.

    Also yes I am aware you do not need to tell me this and yes I have in the past, I'm sure I'll get there again, I may not be the healthiest right now but I've already been through some of this. However I thank you for your words anyway.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLazarus View Post
    I'm not saying that I think about it to reaffirm myself or because I'm out of touch with myself, I think about it because none of them are a perfect fit. I used to obsess over trying to bend the types to fit me, not bending myself to fit the types, until I came to terms with the fact that none of the types will ever be a perfect fit.
    [Not saying you need to hear this; this is more just for anybody reading, and possibly the OP.]

    Type is just a map.

    You are the real thing.

    The map is never as detailed or as nuanced or as true as the real thing.

    Never try to bend or contort to fit a type; that's like reality trying to bend to fit a map.

    The only purpose of the map is to try to better understand and navigate the real thing.

  3. #13
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    While I'd like to eventually get over this, it doesn't seem like it would changed much. I've always been miserable, unhealthy, and painfully misguided. When I didn't have a typology I was embarrassing myself and doing sh-tty things like leaving my dad at the hospital after he attempted suicide to see a girl that I had met the day before, abruptly leaving my second girlfriend after losing my virginity towards her, etc. I was the lowest, most banal form of human-being, and this is only reference I have in regards to a life free from myers-briggs/enneagram/socionics.

    There was almost this sense that I was finally coming into my own - that I was headed in the right direction - during that period where I was relatively comfortable with my ISFP typing, but now what? It's amazing how quickly I've gone from thinking I had a semi-confident perception of self to realizing that it's all been a lie. There's no way for me to tell what was real and what wasn't.
    Stansmith... this is probably the most e9 OP I've ever read.

    I recognize that I should be doing the cool thing right now and directing you away from type not towards...but fuck it (I'm at home sick <-that's my excuse.)

    I think the WORLD of you Stansmith. I'm always here for you if ever you wish to talk.

  4. #14
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Basicly what Zara has been saying. I'm sorry to hear you are one of the people that put typology on an undeserving pedestal.

    There can be a lot of of positive things to be gained from typology, but it should never become a lifestyle.

    Typology is a compass, it can steer you in a certain direction, but it can not predict or tell you what you will find.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  5. #15
    Stansmith
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    I appreciate the advice and kind words you've all given me, and I'm usually at somewhat of a loss in terms of how to respond to this sort of thing, which is why I procrastinated it, because I'm afraid that it'll come off as insincere somehow. But I appreciate it, I really do, and hope that I'm able to learn something from all this. I have to.

  6. #16
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    I think that if you didn't wrestle with your regrets in the language of typology, you would have found another one - just as obsessive, just as longing, just as much all of those ways such a process feels. So, perhaps its not about typology specifically, but a fight to reconcile with a past self as expressed through whatever one happens to be into at the time of the struggle.

    I've been through the same and still am in it to a degree, although the other side has become visible - there is one. The disgust toward the past behaviors you mention wouldn't burn like it does if you hadn't already begun to change. Like a forest fire clearing space for new growth.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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  7. #17
    Stansmith
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    I think that if you didn't wrestle with your regrets in the language of typology, you would have found another one - just as obsessive, just as longing, just as much all of those ways such a process feels. So, perhaps its not about typology specifically, but a fight to reconcile with a past self as expressed through whatever one happens to be into at the time of the struggle.

    I've been through the same and still am in it to a degree, although the other side has become visible - there is one. The disgust toward the past behaviors you mention wouldn't burn like it does if you hadn't already begun to change. Like a forest fire clearing space for new growth.
    I really resonated with this. Thank you.

  8. #18
    Senior Member BlackDog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    I appreciate the advice and kind words you've all given me, and I'm usually at somewhat of a loss in terms of how to respond to this sort of thing, which is why I procrastinated it, because I'm afraid that it'll come off as insincere somehow. But I appreciate it, I really do, and hope that I'm able to learn something from all this. I have to.
    Don't be afraid of that. You come off as incredibly sincere. There are few so clearly honest about their state of mind. Anyone who didn't see that doesn't know sincerity when they see it.

    You are holding to typology because you need an identity. Typology is not the cause of your problems, although it may have exacerbated it. It helps to remember that none of this is real; it's all a game we play in our minds to help classify stuff. No one has ever correlated this to anything scientific, and I don't think anyone ever will. Dario Nardi wasn't right . . . I've looked at his methods and seen them critiqued by a 'real' biologist. His findings aren't valid, and that's the only research that has ever been done scientifically.

    This is all just a game. A useful game, but a game. A powerful and seductive game to some of us, as was mentioned earlier.

    Step away from the game. You are going to be okay. You aren't going to disintegrate without typology. It's not real, so how could an identity that never existed except in your mind be taken away? Your life proves to you that your brain can change your behavior through ideas. Ideas about being an ISFP. But still ideas. You can use other ideas to keep acting as you want to act. It's just ideas.

    At the end of the day, you've always got you. Take stock of where you are at. Even if your relationships are in free fall, don't worry about something that is in the past. It's in the past. There's nothing you can do about it. Focus on what is ahead. Focus on what you can change. Focus on the past later, after the future is in better shape.

    The people who told you to step away from typology for a while are right, but they haven't told you how. You wouldn't be here in the first place if there weren't other things to consider.

    I would advise you to try and find healthy human interaction of a non-committal, non-sticky nature. You could become a volunteer somewhere. If you are religious, you could become more involved in whatever is available to you. Do things for other people. That sounds pretty trite, but at least in my experience, it's hard to be very off-base if you are trying to be altruistic towards strangers or acquaintances. Family and friends can be sticky, but not with 'people' in general.

  9. #19
    Chaser of Light Dr Mobius's Avatar
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    I have on been doing some self-reflection prompted by another member on here, and come to the conclusion that I suffer from a similar obsession. Mine is less about identity and more about some the search for some singular holistic truth, but the neuroses and self-berating I well understand. Which I suppose is to say that I can empathise with your current position.
    “Brighter, now brighter, pay no mind to those who squint, burn with all your heat.”

  10. #20
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Take a break, or leave it altogether.

    Easier said than done though, but worth doing if it has affected you this extremely and I can certainly relate myself. Once you step away though, it becomes easier and easier to stay away.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

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