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Thread: Confessions

  1. #61
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Well, here's an odd one. This place stopped feeling like "home" to me quite awhile ago.

    For awhile, it was kind of a lifeline to me since I had no social outlet whatsoever and little support for changes I needed to make in my life. I loved this place and dedicated a lot of my energy and focus and affection to it. But eventually things changed. While I lamented the change, I couldn't eventually deny it and redirecting myself elsewhere in life.

    I guess people eventually change, and groups change, and situations change; and you enjoy something for as long as it lasts, and then when it naturally starts to end, you let it go versus trying too hard to keep it on life support. If we're fortunate, we find some people who change in similar ways as we do and so we all can stay together to some degree; but sometimes things just ebb and one can't live in the past.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #62
    Biting Shards Array Dr Mobius's Avatar
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    If I’m completely honest, I am nothing more than a juggler of masks. Beneath the surface there is only; smoke, mirrors, and void.
    Even when the sun is shining, I can't avoid the lightning Oh, where did the blue skies go? And why is it raining so?

  3. #63

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Mobius View Post
    If I’m completely honest, I am nothing more than a juggler of masks. Beneath the surface there is only; smoke, mirrors, and void.


    Properly farmed, he is terrifying.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Mobius View Post
    If I’m completely honest, I am nothing more than a juggler of masks. Beneath the surface there is only; smoke, mirrors, and void.
    Having a sense of "identity" is highly overrated. I figure that we just are what we are

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    hyggelig Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Well, here's an odd one. This place stopped feeling like "home" to me quite awhile ago.

    For awhile, it was kind of a lifeline to me since I had no social outlet whatsoever and little support for changes I needed to make in my life. I loved this place and dedicated a lot of my energy and focus and affection to it. But eventually things changed. While I lamented the change, I couldn't eventually deny it and redirecting myself elsewhere in life.

    I guess people eventually change, and groups change, and situations change; and you enjoy something for as long as it lasts, and then when it naturally starts to end, you let it go versus trying too hard to keep it on life support. If we're fortunate, we find some people who change in similar ways as we do and so we all can stay together to some degree; but sometimes things just ebb and one can't live in the past.
    I'm in a similar boat -- though I was never a mod and was therefore never quite so entrenched in the forum. I think I used to be here for the community, and since then I crossed some sort of threshold where I realized what the darker sides of the community really look like. Some weird experiences in Vent, plus the way the forum exploded when the new rules were announced, contributed to that. Innocence was bliss, I suppose...

    Now I have a much firmer set of boundaries, and I no longer try to be everyone's friend here. I build up my various cliques and am happy with them. No idea how long that will last.
    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?

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  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Mobius View Post
    If I’m completely honest, I am nothing more than a juggler of masks. Beneath the surface there is only; smoke, mirrors, and void.
    Yes, it's the "people are like onions" problem:
    Peel away the layers to find what lies beneath, and come up with... nothing at all?

    My perspective has changed a great deal in the last ten years. Yes, I like to analyze, but I think at some point we complicate ourselves unnecessarily. We can recognize patterns and feelings in ourselves without needing to find some 'core reality' underneath it all.

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Now I have a much firmer set of boundaries, and I no longer try to be everyone's friend here. I build up my various cliques and am happy with them. No idea how long that will last.
    Yes, that ^^ is what I find happening too with me. I no longer try to be everyone's friend, nor always try to be understanding... especially in light of just being a "civilian" here. It's okay if I don't like someone and they don't like me, we don't have to be friends. Sometimes I feel bitchier for that, but at the same time, I realize much of it was "feigned connection" -- a lot of energy investment into conversations and connections that didn't really exist nor were mutual. And it's okay to just accept the way things are.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #67
    Senior Member Array Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Well, here's an odd one. This place stopped feeling like "home" to me quite awhile ago.

    For awhile, it was kind of a lifeline to me since I had no social outlet whatsoever and little support for changes I needed to make in my life. I loved this place and dedicated a lot of my energy and focus and affection to it. But eventually things changed. While I lamented the change, I couldn't eventually deny it and redirecting myself elsewhere in life.

    I guess people eventually change, and groups change, and situations change; and you enjoy something for as long as it lasts, and then when it naturally starts to end, you let it go versus trying too hard to keep it on life support. If we're fortunate, we find some people who change in similar ways as we do and so we all can stay together to some degree; but sometimes things just ebb and one can't live in the past.

    I like this, Jennifer. Thanks for saying...

    Confession from me, and a little bit of a rant. My 30 year-old friend is getting married and I can't help but feel he's making a mistake. I don't think he's ready. Of course, he doesn't want to hear that. He wants to hear that he's gonna live happily ever after, and he may, but he doesn't always seem to have a grasp on reality and he's barely, I'm talking not even a month, divorced from his second wife. They separated in November and since that time he's been in at least two serious relationships. He tends to hop right into bed with these girls when they stroke his ego a bit. He's a musician and they "adore" him, so maybe that has something to do with it.

    I know he thinks he's "in love" but I think he's moving too fast and I want to be happy for him but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't help but thinking that he's just "settling" that maybe this girl isn't "right" for him, but who am I to say who's right for him? He's brilliantly intelligent, highly talented and skilled in so many ways, so why's he marrying another girl like the one he just divorced when if he would just bide his time, go slow and shop around, he may encounter a true soulmate?! ...why does he always go for Daphne types when he needs a Velma? He will never be fulfilled with a dull girl. I see that, but he doesn't and instead of waiting for the right girl, he just settles for the "easy" ones.

    Maybe he doesn't want a girl that equals him intellectually or in talents and skills. Maybe he wants a "dumb" girl because maybe he has ego issues and it's a hard thing to think that about my friend, but I can't help but wonder. It doesn't make me care less about him but it does something to my respect for him and though that may sound harsh...it's true.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    Confession from me, and a little bit of a rant. My 30 year-old friend is getting married and I can't help but feel he's making a mistake. I don't think he's ready. Of course, he doesn't want to hear that. He wants to hear that he's gonna live happily ever after, and he may, but he doesn't always seem to have a grasp on reality and he's barely, I'm talking not even a month, divorced from his second wife. They separated in November and since that time he's been in at least two serious relationships. He tends to hop right into bed with these girls when they stroke his ego a bit. He's a musician and they "adore" him, so maybe that has something to do with it.


    Honestly. I mean, I'm a pretty open person, but ... no effin' way.
    And how on earth did they get their divorce to go through within 2-3 months?

    He's going to end up right back where he started. No malice intended on my part -- just, realistically, that kind of decision 99.99% of the time seems to end badly.

    I know he thinks he's "in love" but I think he's moving too fast and I want to be happy for him but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't help but thinking that he's just "settling" that maybe this girl isn't "right" for him, but who am I to say who's right for him? He's brilliantly intelligent, highly talented and skilled in so many ways, so why's he marrying another girl like the one he just divorced when if he would just bide his time, go slow and shop around, he may encounter a true soulmate?! ...why does he always go for Daphne types when he needs a Velma? He will never be fulfilled with a dull girl. I see that, but he doesn't and instead of waiting for the right girl, he just settles for the "easy" ones.

    Maybe he doesn't want a girl that equals him intellectually or in talents and skills. Maybe he wants a "dumb" girl because maybe he has ego issues and it's a hard thing to think that about my friend, but I can't help but wonder. It doesn't make me care less about him but it does something to my respect for him and though that may sound harsh...it's true.
    It's difficult to watch people you care about make decisions that you not only think are misguided but also will result in a lot of pain for them. And then he will of course come back to you when he's devastated, since you're his friend, and look for you to pick him up / be a sounding board.

    So it's not just his issue to work through, you're also put in a position where you have to decide how attached you want to be emotionally, how much support you can offer, what you're willing to risk in the friendship by your honesty, etc. It's hard also to pretend to be excited in order to make his marriage special when you think it's a huge mistake.

    I mean, we all have to decide how much we want to risk vs what we can live with, but I would be trying to decide how honest/adamant I would be with someone I cared about in terms of what risk to take that they might break off the friendship.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #69
    Senior Member Array Ene's Avatar
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    Honestly. I mean, I'm a pretty open person, but ... no effin' way.
    And how on earth did they get their divorce to go through within 2-3 months?
    I found out last night that he ISN'T even legally divorced from his ex-wife yet. I'm concerned that this whole thing is just a rebound thing to get back at her and if it is, that girl who's so madly "in love" with him right now will be the one who gets hurt the most.
    He's going to end up right back where he started. No malice intended on my part -- just, realistically, that kind of decision 99.99% of the time seems to end badly.
    I agree with you, absolutely and 100%.



    It's difficult to watch people you care about make decisions that you not only think are misguided but also will result in a lot of pain for them. And then he will of course come back to you when he's devastated, since you're his friend, and look for you to pick him up / be a sounding board.
    Yes, that's it...exactly. I want to tell him the truth but I don't know how because if I do, he's gonna be really mad at me and maybe think I'm just trying to rain on his parade, but it's a crappy parade!

    So it's not just his issue to work through, you're also put in a position where you have to decide how attached you want to be emotionally, how much support you can offer, what you're willing to risk in the friendship by your honesty, etc. It's hard also to pretend to be excited in order to make his marriage special when you think it's a huge mistake.
    Yes, that's exactly where I'm coming from. I sent him a message that just suggested he "take it slow." I've told him that in person before though.

    I mean, we all have to decide how much we want to risk vs what we can live with, but I would be trying to decide how honest/adamant I would be with someone I cared about in terms of what risk to take that they might break off the friendship.
    I've decided that if he asks me, I'll tell him that I wish him the best then I'll find a way to tell him my concerns for him.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  10. #70
    LadyLazarus
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    I hate fake people...but maybe I'm really the biggest and best faker of them all.

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