I threw up last night, again and again. My breath reeks of vomit and the toilet smells so bad even the dogs won't lick the water in it. And I ended up sleeping in the same bed as my mum because she was worried about me aspirating. Goddamn it, I hadn't even been drinking that much. Weak as fuck.
I'm doing so, so much better. That's a fact. But I've become something uncharacteristic of myself, which was unnecessary to accomplish this. I did it just to prove I could. That I could make it: and you sure can make it as a nonentity. So maybe the pliable cover served a band-aid's purpose in the climbing phase, but its use shows signs of being exhausted. The reticence - nah, let's call it what it is, meekness - is not fucking cute.
It's time to let myself fail again, because I'm now strong enough to handle it.
4w5 6w7 1w2 sx/sp ⯮ ISFP
RLOAX (don't do it) ⯮ Melancholic Hufflepuff
A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung
“That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe
reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga