There was a time I had bipolar disorder, had dyslexia, and had synsthesia. That was back when I was on ADhD medication. It went away when i got off. I think all of it. The sad thing is, I miss it a lot. I think about it all the time. I know it's stupid, but they defined me, and in a way, it was nice to see the world in my own way. Now it sort of feels like the world is everyone else's, and I just share it. I still haven't told anyone it went away. I still pretend like it's my world I'm seeing.
Perhaps even worse, I secretly want something terrible to happen. I want pain and catastrophe to strike me and those around me, because I can take the pain just fine. If there were a robber and I were in the bank, I could do something heroic. I don't know if I would, but I always wish I had the chance. I could be a hero, if I managed to choke out the armed assailant. I can't be a hero on math problem #3 though. It's not the same. Life is just sort of pointless without a heroic conflict.