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Thread: Confessions

  1. #3001


    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    This will be a real confession.

    I went from the forum to do some introspecting and to be honest I am returning my INTJ card back. It is simply pointless to claim again and again that I am something that I am not simpy because that irritates my real enivronment less ... and therefore I am switching into ENTJ. Also I have on a number of places over the years claimed that I am in fact ENTJ gone wrong and I can show those places. This is something that was rolling behind the hills since I came to this site many years ago and it is not sudden at all. (even if it may seem just like that)

    Why did mistype happen ?
    There is a huge amount of reasons and it is basically impossible to name them all in just one post, those of you that were reading my post know very well throught how much crap I have been throught life ... and even that was still censored version. The the bottom line is that I am not introverted ... I am alienated. However I am done with playing "the rogue intellectual" just so that everbody would feel comfortable around me. The truth is I am pretty forceful, determined and loud person when I am being myself and all those P/FP people around me will just have to accept this. Also the truth is that I was not e5 but a very unhealthy/aliented 8w9.

    Another problem is that I am not rised in environment that is trully democratic or capitalistic and therefore all those ENTJ profiles about them being some kind of a corporate overlords simply does not apply to me. I mean I was born in a country where private property does not exist and I grew up in a country hit by the war ... what made completely normal socializing and educating yourself impossible. However depite this I moved pretty much in ENTJ direction by overachieving when possible and wanting to be independent or on top.

    The main problem is that I am from the place that does not like Te. For example if there is a A student and a student that is rated with D but has connections and proper social background the one with D will generally get a job. It is not a strange sight to see that some section somewhere has a 30 or 50% of the staff from some small village on the other side of the country (what is statistically basically impossible). Basically everything here is decided throught Fe because that is the local culture and since democracy is pretty new in these parts people generally respect rules even if they are not in their interest. On the other hand everything is mostly improvised and there is no real vision, deals/laws while plans are broken all the time, therefore it is impossible to trully plan anything. Just over last 4 years there were something like 40+ tax reforms ... so good luck with trying to make a serious business plan. The education system is not economy based so as you go throught it you learn tons of facts that you probably wouldn't learn in most fully developed countries. What is perhaps the prime reason I know plenty of random stuff despite being very goal driven. You just have to learn books and books of facts and spin them a little bit and that is enought to make you educated here ... and the fact that you are incompetent for anything serious and concrete is irrelevant. After all D with proper social background have the advantage over A. (what just makes the whole grading system pointless)

    What I am trying to say is that I often retreat into doing something myself because social norms of the place irritate me and I end in open conflict, therefore people feel the need to tell me how "horrible" person I am. So I play the "quiet" intellectual card for decades and my ambition/conflict needs went into years and years of gaming addiction since that was the only way to feel in control and alive. The strange fact is that it didn't even occur to me that emotional attachment to virtual wars, system construction and cuting monsters with chainsaw qualifies as expression of anger (seriously, I don't know where I was looking). I did get things done as much as was a required but my" real life" was mostly virtual since my skills aren't needed in real life. (I know, very strange statement for a ENTJ). Eventually I quit gaming completely since I realized that I can't run away forever. I mean I was socializing for hours every day as a kid and did all kind of things and then I just got stuck in crashed economy that made me a trillionare, wars, endless economic depression, corrupt goverments, loss of frends since they moved away, family that does not plan anything, disfunctional education system etc etc. The fact is that I have lived fair part of my life as a INTJ but none of that was trully voluntary or really healthy.

    What I am saying ?

    I am calling myself Te heavy INTJ for quite some time but that does not really work and tertiary function is what is giving me away ... and that is Se in my case. I don't really bump into things, I climb mountans for pleasure, I cut down trees, I never caused traffic accident, I never had more than 10 punds extra, I am remaking my place with my own hands/tools, I have beaten my friends in shooting games with scores 50:0 or 300:0, etc. There is simply too much S stuff in me to have inferior Se. On the other hand I have something like 2000 post here that are "Why people think I am cold and steamrolling bastard ?" that are pretty much the evidence of my inferior Fi. These days I get in all kind of arguments/conflicts with people and I am really enjoying myself, plus I joined a number of associations so that I am never alone if I don't want to be. However due to steamrolling my reputation went down in some cases, but who cares you live only once. No matter what I have constant clashes with Fs around me so it is pointless to hide anymore, on the other hand I had a surprising number of Se dom friends for a INTJ and I was thinking that was "odd". Also I remember that once INTJ here asked me how do I dare to control people ... and I was "That is what I do and I often can't help myself". Among many other things I also have more problems with NFPs than attraction.

    In other words: due to the problems in environment I have started to present myself as a rogue intellectual and I have really enjoyed it since this gave me at least some sense of social purpose. What wasn't that hard to maintain especially since I wasn't physically well for almost a decade and my whole organism slowed down to some degree. However now when the medical problem is gone it is trully pointless to try to maintain my e5 image. Removing this problem trully changed my Ni/Se ratio and I trully don't funcion as I was just a few years ago and it was a sudden change after the threatment. These days I don't score as INTJ unless I deliberately lie and I just don't have the patience to act like one. I loved to play INTJ card on this site and I was often writting large post simply because I was practicing English, that isn't my first language. However I need to look at myself and say this is not real me, plus since English is not my first language I probably automatically come across as more eccentric or robotic then I actually am. To be honest since I am foreigner and I care about my account here I censoure my bad language all the time, just as I do with Fs in real life.

    Regarding enneagram: I stared as 583 and then I switched to 513 because I saw myself as more "constructive", however underneath that 1 there is a whole set of issues.
    1. The most important one is that this "1" is in fact my growth arrow towards 2. However due to unlowable nature of my environment this 2 direction is pretty bitter and militarized and that comes as 1.
    2. My 3 fix acts as 1 all the time in order to get approval and therefore resources.
    3. I am self preservation dom and therefore I am quite interested in doing things the right way so that mistakes don't hunt me if that can be prevented. Sp 8 is also called "Survivor" and that can pretty clearly fit the profile actually.
    4. e1 questions are often just raw judging/decisive and morals/motivations are not in the focus. While 853 types are defined are very strategic and therefore mistype is possible, I for example don't have many e1 fears at all.

    In tritype profiles it says:

    835: Focused and knowledgeable 8. Most scholarly 8, especially if introverted. Most impersonal 8, especially if self-preserving

    Therefore this would probably apply to me as a 8w9, 5w6, 3w4, and explain a few things about my ability to bent myself into thinking types. What is probably the outcome of the fact that my mother, father and grandmother that rised me are thinking types. (as well as education system)

    Also some other tests suggest ENTJ more than INTJ.

    Just in case someone wonders what the hell happened with my type.

    I am imbacing this once again, I am currently engaging life and it indeed seems that I am ambiverted ENTJ that went wrong due to countless circumstances. In my natural form I cause people headache and scare them, but the silence on my part was killing me and I can't live like this purely for the sake of peace. Also I am not American and I lack many cultural elements of ENTJ stereotype, but from cognitive perspective this is a good fit for me.

    The sonner I accept that I am not really INTJ the better.

  2. #3002
    Senior Member Eskimo2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015


    My boss is calling me. Pretty sure I know what she wants so... Im going back to bed. Yeaaaaah.

    Im still tired yo.

    Ugh damn it, I started feeling guilty like a liar.

    But the good news is, I dont Mind opening and I am figuring if I open I can sneak myself some food to eat before hand so thats cool. I want a pizza thingy. I make them semi frequently and they always look really good so thats what I want and hopefully will have.

  3. #3003


    I was here the other day.

    Likes Yamato Nadeshiko, Hard liked this post

  4. #3004
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    4w5 sp/sx


    Getting older for me doesn't mean that I'm becoming more irrelevant, it means everybody else is becoming more irrelevant.
    Likes cascadeco, Lark, Starry liked this post

  5. #3005
    Senior Member Hitoshi-San's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014


    I don't know how people who talk about their mental illnesses all the time do it. not just joking about them or dropping hints, but like actually discussing them and the effects they have on the said person's life on a regular basis. I believe there's nothing wrong with being open about those things but I'd always be worried that nobody would care or they would care too much. plus, how do you even start to talk about that?
    Likes magpie, geedoenfj liked this post

  6. #3006
    Typology Retiree Yamato Nadeshiko's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    6w7 sx/sp


    Sometimes I like to pretend to cry so that my dogs will come running to me and give me kisses. But they don't care that I have deceived them. I love dogs. They deserve nothing but love and happiness and good things.
    4 weeks on T
    Likes Fate, geedoenfj liked this post

  7. #3007
    Google "chemtrails" Bush Did 9/11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    3w4 sp/sx
    LIE Ni


    I'm probably the last person in the world to realize that Brexit is a portmanteau of Britain and Exit.

  8. #3008
    Senior Member Smilephantomhive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    SLI None


    Quote Originally Posted by Bush Did 9/11 View Post
    I'm probably the last person in the world to realize that Brexit is a portmanteau of Britain and Exit.
    You're not alone.
    "Avoid getting too preoccupied thinking about what you’re going to do, to actually do it."
    — Rachel Wolchin


  9. #3009


    Quote Originally Posted by Bush Did 9/11 View Post
    I'm probably the last person in the world to realize that Brexit is a portmanteau of Britain and Exit.
    Quote Originally Posted by Smilephantomhive View Post
    You're not alone.

    Seriously ?

    I thought that was one of the most obvious things ever. Especially if we consider what that term describes.

  10. #3010


    Quote Originally Posted by Virtual ghost View Post
    Seriously ?

    I thought that was one of the most obvious things ever. Especially if we consider what that term describes.
    More accurately it should read BritDoom.
    Likes senza tema liked this post

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