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Thread: Confessions

  1. #2981
    Junior Member Array
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose for a Heart View Post
    Just realized that ever since I gave up on love I have been numb,dead. I stayed sad through my first relationship and even though there was emotional turmoil he didn't make me feel alive. I didn't love him and I didn't realize. Found someone I really really liked and I didn't even know it at the time. That part of me ripped and tore through my defenses, like an anguished child who had been kept too long imprisomed in the dark as some sort of punishment, to try to connect with him...but it was too much for him. He couldn't take it, I scared him away. I am back to feeling nothing and expecting nothing and romanticizing death as the ultimate unconditionally accepting thing. It literally makes me feel loved. I know that's not right but I don't know what to do anymore.

    I didn't realize this until now but I need to feel raw.
    I absolutely know how it feels from experience.
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  2. #2982
    Senior Member Array rxr's Avatar
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    I'd like to live in a place where everyone is super gruff and jaded... I'm tired of having to make small talk at the grocery store
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  3. #2983
    ;) Array geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Can't get enough sleep, seeing nightmares, usually wake up few times during the night feeling deep sadness, I think I should pray whenever I wake up so it would put me in more peaceful status..
    Oh and this headache
    Work for a cause not for Applause
    Live to express not to Impress


    6w7 > 4w3 > 1w2
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  4. #2984
    hyggelig Array EJCC's Avatar
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    The first moment of clarity I remember having was when I was 11 or 12.

    I was feeling really down on myself because of saying something thoughtless to someone else, hurting their feelings. I felt like a bull in a china shop. Like an exposed nerve. Like I had no control over what I said or how I said it -- destined to embarrass myself and hurt others.

    Then I realized that there was no way that part of me would ever change -- so I should disregard those feelings about myself and continue without letting myself become paralyzed by insecurity and indecision.

    That realization was a lifesaver -- it got me to quit moping around, and it kept me from accidentally weakening one of my greatest strengths (my confidence and general air of authority).

    My confession is: I remind myself of that realization at least once every few months. Because it doesn't stick.
    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!
    Likes Hard, Alaska, Forever liked this post

  5. #2985
    Wandering Crow Array Krim13's Avatar
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    I can make friends but I can't hold on to them. I can't keep contact with anyone to save my life and everyone I meet I fully expect them to vanish soon. To become nonexistent as all do. But even I can vanish(because they didnt put in enough effort thus why bother). As if we were never there. And I hate being this way. I am a social drifter, even then I've been drifted on too (when I actually put in more effort for once, someone who I deemed interesting not boring). Despite these complications, I crave more deep down... not that it inevitably matters.

  6. #2986
    alchemist Array Legion's Avatar
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    Ok, here's the truth... I've never said this before but...

    Every time I was in "L.A"... I was with my ex-girlfriend. And when you called and I said I was working, I was actually out doing dirt. I guess I wasn't thinking about you getting hurt, because I was hand in hand with the Beverly centre, and I didn't even give a damn who saw it. I know - I was so gone and so wrong, and I was acting like you weren't sitting at home, and you were just being good and you probably believe that I was too, and you probably wouldn't believe that I've been doing these things, so please brace yourself, because it's not good. But I would really rather that you heard it from me and not from someone else. So look, I know you hate me, I know I hurt you - but there's more. You just have to listen.

  7. #2987
    banshee next door Array magpie's Avatar
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    I kissed a priest on the cheek at my grandma's funeral. I didn't know I was doing wrong 'til all the old ladies sitting behind me gasped.
    Likes geedoenfj, EJCC, Xann liked this post

  8. #2988
    ;) Array geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Some women make me ashamed of my gender
    Work for a cause not for Applause
    Live to express not to Impress


    6w7 > 4w3 > 1w2

  9. #2989
    back and forth Array Hawthorne's Avatar
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    holy shit i was a weird kid and not even the "cute" kind of weird just the "today i'm going to pretend to be a cow and eat grass and caterpillars during recess" kind of weird.

    the kind of weird you would've expected to grow up to be Simon from Misfits kind of weird.
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  10. #2990
    banshee next door Array magpie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawthorne View Post
    the kind of weird you would've expected to grow up to be Simon from Misfits kind of weird.
    Melonfucker.
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