I'm convinced that a manic pixie dream girl trope is attempting to employ me as a pawn in her long running courtship with my team lead. I entertain the idea that I'm just paranoid, but I think I have extremely good reads on interpersonal situations, especially when my job is involved.
I have a deep set desire to be in the heart of a supernova as it explode;, to have every particle of my being thrown to the outermost limits of the universe, to become the stuff of stars.
But sail upon the wind of lamentation, my friends, and about your head row with your hands' rapid stroke in conveyance of the dead, that stroke which always causes the sacred slack-sailed, black-clothed ship Charon to pass over Acheron to the unseen land here Apollon does not walk, the sunless land that receives all men.
I'm too funny for my own good. I'm serious. I do stand up (recently) and improv and I'm loving it. But, I'm constantly annoying four of my close girl friends with my cliche wit, I sound so coincided... but this is a actual issue. My friends are lately doing passive aggressive jabs at me for stealing the attention in groups, or ganging up on me after I make a joke and everyone laughs. I can't tell people they're just annoyed with me because they're jealous...because then they'll attack me 30x more. I have always been naturally funny, but since I've been training lately...shit just comes to me. I've had two of my friends come up to me the last month telling me to "calm down with gaining friends" and I'm starting to get creeped out by the attention teenage girls seek. I went through hell last year, no one liked me I did not go to school, I was 50 pounds heavier. And now for my 'friends' to attack me for being funny and having more friends, is fucking weird, i'm sorry. It's as if they kept me around last year for their own personal amusement, and now that I'm per say more 'popular' than them, they're pissed. I really did not know how teenage girl world worked till this year. I'm realizing I may be annoying, being a attention whore... but it's so unintentional asasdjsljfdsfknmdsl. Fuck it, I'm glad I was seriously depressed last year. I did not realize how stupid petty issues ACTUALLY were, I didn't even recognize them because I didn't have the chance too.
THIS IS SO STUPID. I AM STUPID.
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
Just saw a facebook picture of a guy I used to have a crush on in school ... he hasn't aged gracefully at all and looks like 15 years older than he actually is. I'm so glad I didn't pursue him more aggressively.
Almost all my posts in this thread are about physical appearance. I feel shallow.
I am WAY too timid most of the time. It comes and goes; I get tougher and then I get wimpy again. Part of me is afraid that timid and wimpy is just my default state and I'll never be able to overcome it.
“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.” - Hermann Hesse
Sometimes I make up words or make up tenses for words by accident. I think I derive them from a combination of others on occasion? (I don't usually know what most of the words I use mean in detail, more like I instinctively use them as what I feel they mean in a general sort of way, it's usually not far off. It's weird and hard to explain.)
Once my English teacher pulled me aside to ask me what a certain word I'd unknowingly slipped into my essay meant because she couldn't find it in the dictionary.