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Thread: Confessions

  1. #2481
    Junior Member Array
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    I put peanut butter on my face to see if my dog would lick it off. He cleaned it up well.
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  2. #2482
    Queen hunter Array Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    This will be a real confession.



    I went from the forum to do some introspecting and to be honest I am returning my INTJ card back. It is simply pointless to claim again and again that I am something that I am not simpy because that irritates my real enivronment less ... and therefore I am switching into ENTJ. Also I have on a number of places over the years claimed that I am in fact ENTJ gone wrong and I can show those places. This is something that was rolling behind the hills since I came to this site many years ago and it is not sudden at all. (even if it may seem just like that)


    Why did mistype happen ?
    There is a huge amount of reasons and it is basically impossible to name them all in just one post, those of you that were reading my post know very well throught how much crap I have been throught life ... and even that was still censored version. The the bottom line is that I am not introverted ... I am alienated. However I am done with playing "the rogue intellectual" just so that everbody would feel comfortable around me. The truth is I am pretty forceful, determined and loud person when I am being myself and all those P/FP people around me will just have to accept this. Also the truth is that I was not e5 but a very unhealthy/aliented 8w9.


    Another problem is that I am not rised in environment that is trully democratic or capitalistic and therefore all those ENTJ profiles about them being some kind of a corporate overlords simply does not apply to me. I mean I was born in a country where private property does not exist and I grew up in a country hit by the war ... what made completely normal socializing and educating yourself impossible. However depite this I moved pretty much in ENTJ direction by overachieving when possible and wanting to be independent or on top.


    The main problem is that I am from the place that does not like Te. For example if there is a A student and a student that is rated with D but has connections and proper social background the one with D will generally get a job. It is not a strange sight to see that some section somewhere has a 30 or 50% of the staff from some small village on the other side of the country (what is statistically basically impossible). Basically everything here is decided throught Fe because that is the local culture and since democracy is pretty new in these parts people generally respect rules even if they are not in their interest. On the other hand everything is mostly improvised and there is no real vision, deals/laws while plans are broken all the time, therefore it is impossible to trully plan anything. Just over last 4 years there were something like 40+ tax reforms ... so good luck with trying to make a serious business plan. The education system is not economy based so as you go throught it you learn tons of facts that you probably wouldn't learn in most fully developed countries. What is perhaps the prime reason I know plenty of random stuff despite being very goal driven. You just have to learn books and books of facts and spin them a little bit and that is enought to make you educated here ... and the fact that you are incompetent for anything serious and concrete is irrelevant. After all D with proper social background have the advantage over A. (what just makes the whole grading system pointless)


    What I am trying to say is that I often retreat into doing something myself because social norms of the place irritate me and I end in open conflict, therefore people feel the need to tell me how "horrible" person I am. So I play the "quiet" intellectual card for decades and my ambition/conflict needs went into years and years of gaming addiction since that was the only way to feel in control and alive. The strange fact is that it didn't even occur to me that emotional attachment to virtual wars, system construction and cuting monsters with chainsaw qualifies as expression of anger (seriously, I don't know where I was looking). I did get things done as much as was a required but my" real life" was mostly virtual since my skills aren't needed in real life. (I know, very strange statement for a ENTJ). Eventually I quit gaming completely since I realized that I can't run away forever. I mean I was socializing for hours every day as a kid and did all kind of things and then I just got stuck in crashed economy that made me a trillionare, wars, endless economic depression, corrupt goverments, loss of frends since they moved away, family that does not plan anything, disfunctional education system etc etc. The fact is that I have lived fair part of my life as a INTJ but none of that was trully voluntary or really healthy.



    What I am saying ?

    I am calling myself Te heavy INTJ for quite some time but that does not really work and tertiary function is what is giving me away ... and that is Se in my case. I don't really bump into things, I climb mountans for pleasure, I cut down trees, I never caused traffic accident, I never had more than 10 punds extra, I am remaking my place with my own hands/tools, I have beaten my friends in shooting games with scores 50:0 or 300:0, etc. There is simply too much S stuff in me to have inferior Se. On the other hand I have something like 2000 post here that are "Why people think I am cold and steamrolling bastard ?" that are pretty much the evidence of my inferior Fi. These days I get in all kind of arguments/conflicts with people and I am really enjoying myself, plus I joined a number of associations so that I am never alone if I don't want to be. However due to steamrolling my reputation went down in some cases, but who cares you live only once. No matter what I have constant clashes with Fs around me so it is pointless to hide anymore, on the other hand I had a surprising number of Se dom friends for a INTJ and I was thinking that was "odd". Also I remember that once INTJ here asked me how do I dare to control people ... and I was "That is what I do and I often can't help myself". Among many other things I also have more problems with NFPs than attraction.


    In other words: due to the problems in environment I have started to present myself as a rogue intellectual and I have really enjoyed it since this gave me at least some sense of social purpose. What wasn't that hard to maintain especially since I wasn't physically well for almost a decade and my whole organism slowed down to some degree. However now when the medical problem is gone it is trully pointless to try to maintain my e5 image. Removing this problem trully changed my Ni/Se ratio and I trully don't funcion as I was just a few years ago and it was a sudden change after the threatment. These days I don't score as INTJ unless I deliberately lie and I just don't have the patience to act like one. I loved to play INTJ card on this site and I was often writting large post simply because I was practicing English, that isn't my first language. However I need to look at myself and say this is not real me, plus since English is not my first language I probably automatically come across as more eccentric or robotic then I actually am. To be honest since I am foreigner and I care about my account here I censoure my bad language all the time, just as I do with Fs in real life.


    Regarding enneagram: I stared as 583 and then I switched to 513 because I saw myself as more "constructive", however underneath that 1 there is a whole set of issues.
    1. The most important one is that this "1" is in fact my growth arrow towards 2. However due to unlowable nature of my environment this 2 direction is pretty bitter and militarized and that comes as 1.
    2. My 3 fix acts as 1 all the time in order to get approval and therefore resources.
    3. I am self preservation dom and therefore I am quite interested in doing things the right way so that mistakes don't hunt me if that can be prevented. Sp 8 is also called "Survivor" and that can pretty clearly fit the profile actually.
    4. e1 questions are often just raw judging/decisive and morals/motivations are not in the focus. While 853 types are defined are very strategic and therefore mistype is possible, I for example don't have many e1 fears at all.

    In tritype profiles it says:
    835: Focused and knowledgeable 8. Most scholarly 8, especially if introverted. Most impersonal 8, especially if self-preserving

    Therefore this would probably apply to me as a 8w9, 5w6, 3w4, and explain a few things about my ability to bent myself into thinking types. What is probably the outcome of the fact that my mother, father and grandmother that rised me are thinking types. (as well as education system)



    Also some other tests suggest ENTJ more than INTJ.







    Just in case someone wonders what the hell happened with my type.
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  3. #2483
    banshee next door Array magpie's Avatar
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    I think I'm figuring out what I value the most in other people and myself. I value braveness and I value kindness. I don't care how smart you are. I don't care what you've done with your life.

    And everyone is brave differently. Everyone is kind differently. Some people are brave by being vulnerable. Some people are brave by being outspoken. Some people are brave by being determined and others are brave by letting things go. Some people are kind by being compassionate, some people are kind by being distant.

  4. #2484
    Oɴᴇ Dᴀʏ ᴀᴛ ᴀ Tɪᴍᴇ Array Yamato Nadeshiko's Avatar
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    Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to run my hands through my leg hairs. They are soft and fuzzy like a warm blanket.


    Mirror, mirror, what's behind you?
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    Why won't you let me hide from me?
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  5. #2485
    Boaty McBoatface Array SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Whenever I'm an usher at church (every third Sunday and every other fifth Sunday) I'm always tempted to wear one of the offering bags as a hat.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz
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  6. #2486
    Alma Array five sounds's Avatar
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    i feel like a fraud half the time and like the only person who cares to seek authenticity the other half.

    both feel like shit.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.


  7. #2487
    Member Array joealienprince's Avatar
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    my dorm room is a huge mess and there's caution tape strewn all over the place

    and I'm so irresponsible and its so hard for me to get things done. I had my final jury yesterday and it went way better than expected but ugh I'm terrible at minor scales

    also I'm such a godawful student in general, like you ever just realize that you ARE smart but you just can't work the way the other kids in your classes do? I don't know exactly how to put it into words ugh
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  8. #2488
    Alma Array five sounds's Avatar
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    i'm paranoid and jealous

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by joealienprince View Post
    my dorm room is a huge mess and there's caution tape strewn all over the place

    and I'm so irresponsible and its so hard for me to get things done. I had my final jury yesterday and it went way better than expected but ugh I'm terrible at minor scales

    also I'm such a godawful student in general, like you ever just realize that you ARE smart but you just can't work the way the other kids in your classes do? I don't know exactly how to put it into words ugh
    relateable NFP post
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.


  9. #2489
    Waiting to evolve Array Urarienev's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    i feel like a fraud half the time and like the only person who cares to seek authenticity the other half.

    both feel like shit.
    I'm going to color a page for you (ironically I opened the book thinking of you, and this is what page I found)

    IMG_20160502_214001.jpg

    Freedom isn't free.

    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate.

    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner


    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Eric

    10w12


  10. #2490
    Queen hunter Array Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    I am so satisfied with my new typing, I haven't felt so complete for a long long time, now my whole life makes much more sense. My last typing was pretty good but it just lacked something and that is that it was made at face value. Typology rated my life circumstances instead of what is really beneath and I was too hesitant with accepting the truth since that may burn even more bridges.
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