I'm a hypocrite. It just came to me today, after talking to the server at the natural food store that flesh is flesh. Let me explain. I say I'm a vegetarian, but on occasion I do eat fish. I guess, somehow when I think of animals, I think of mammals, warm blooded creatures with a central nervous system who feel pain, and have varying degrees on intelligence. I've always heard that fish don't feel pain, and I guess that's because they're cold blooded creatures with no central nervous system. But I contradicted myself when I ordered my food today. I asked the nice man behind the counter if the quiche had meat in it and when he said yes, I said, I don't eat meat and then I asked for salmon instead. He pointed out to me that it's meat, and when I said, but it isn't from a warm blooded animal, he said, "it's still flesh". This was all said in good cheer, but still, I realized that I've been a hypocrite. So, I'm sorry to any of you who read my posts wherein I stated that I was a vegetarian and wouldn't kill an animal for food. I don't go fishing, but like I said, I do eat fish once in a while. I'm going to reconsider that food choice and then try to become vegan in the future. Again, sorry.
“Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
― Walter Scott, Marmion
So tempted just to pick up where I left off. Questions to consider- Do I have the gall? Does assholery lack of appreciation outdo assholery denial of their being a problem/sweeping under the rug/nodding and smiling and letting things build and hurt me even more. Do I matter really- common enemy I suppose- selfish of me to want to address and question that idea? I don't feel badly about it- if it was assured I wouldn't, in due time, feel badly- I would do it. Because lesson learned was is- its the only way. So asshole enough or not? Not for now. And not because of anything above... Just because Im so so so tired in so many ways- I don't... Just no. Let the lies lie and rise. Fuck it. Fuck the world. Fuck me. Fuck me is the absolute truth.
I want to let out some more 'fucks'. Im still incredibly angry. Almost more so now... And I feel at the edge of a cliff hanger with no where to go. But it seems almost sanctimonious for me not to... But ... I might be wrong so... I almost am certainly 'wrong' on several levels to different degrees. But more right or more wrong? The question.
I don't like jeans. I don't like how they feel. I don't like the fabric. I find them super uncomfortable. It's also hard to find jeans that fit me properly because I inherited my mom's genes. I'm doomed to a life of sweatpants and fake jeans because I hate jeans so much.
I haven't put on a pair of jeans in nearly two years I believe. Leggings and jeggings have been my bestie, and rarely yet occasionally skirts + dresses. Being a guy must limit options so much tho.